I’m Back!

It’s been about 7 months since my baby was born.  It has been very hectic.  I will do my best to fill you in on everything you have missed.  That means this will be a , Kyle and I are still together.  We moved across the state with a 1 month old for a last-minute job offer a few days before school was supposed to start.  He is a stay-at-home dad.  It was tough leaving my son at first.  It’s still sad leaving sometimes, but I have learned to deal with it.

Since I had the c-section, my libido has been through the floor.  I’ve read a few different reasons for it, but most of the people I have talked to say it comes back once I’m done breastfeeding.  I have also heard that it will return when my period returns (it still hasn’t).  It could also never return.  I remain hopeful and Kyle remains patient.

The first few months of our son’s life were AMAZING!  He learned new things and did new things almost every day!  Now that he’s getting a bit older, we’re waiting for some of the bigger milestones.  He’s already said “da da” and had his first teeth come in, but we’re still waiting for him to crawl.  He’s pretty close though and manages to get around on the floor pretty well regardless.

We have been having a tough time feeding him.  From the start, I didn’t produce quite enough milk for him.  It wasn’t that big a deal to supplement with an extra 4oz of formula daily.  As time went on, he seemed to do okay with just breastmilk, so I was really happy about that.  Then his 4-month checkup occurred. He was down to the 15th percentile in body weight.  Since he was above average in length, this wasn’t good.  The pediatrician didn’t even notice unless I pointed it out because “to look at him, you wouldn’t think he was underweight”.  I got really worried and we started the formula again.  We also started him on ‘solid’ foods.  He didn’t eat more than a taste of the new foods, but he drank a lot of the formula.  At his 6-month checkup, he was above the 50th percentile!  I was happy that he was now at a healthy weight.  He ate more and more formula.  Because he was more satisfied, he was less inclined to breastfeed as much when I got home from work.  About a month ago, my milk supply dropped.  He eats about 32oz of formula and milk a day plus breastfeeding.  Combining the amount I pump after he goes to bed, at 1 am, and while I’m at work, I am getting around 8oz of pumped milk a day.  I have been drinking milk tea 3x a day and power pumped every night to get it up to that amount.

I watched “That Sugar Film” on Hulu and decided to cut all added sugars out of my diet.  Kyle decided to do it too.  It was a struggle, but I am on day 11 and some days it’s still difficult.  I was watching another food documentary when they mentioned that sugar is in formula too. I looked at the container of formula and saw that the first ingredient was corn syrup.  I looked at some of the other ones and they were almost as bad.  I realized that our son, who I thought I was careful to protect from all bad foods.  We pureed our own food from either organic produce or ones on the “Clean 15” list.  Our meats were all locally grown.  And I had stupidly assumed that his formula would be safe and healthy.  So here I am, trying to do right by my son, while he gets more sugar than he should while I figure out a way to feed him.

My new job has been a bit of a mixed bag.  I like my coworkers and the area I live in.  However, I am struggling with teaching some of my students.  My principal has decided that I’m an inadequate teacher and has given me a month and a half to improve, otherwise I won’t be returning to this school next year.  It’s upsetting to know that I might not be able to provide for Kyle and my son.  I have been trying to work hard to improve what I need to improve, but some of the resources out there (all given to me directly from my principal) contain conflicting messages.

Even though we moved to an area where Kyle is from and I have some old friends, nobody has really made much of an effort to see us.  It’s pretty lonely, especially for Kyle, who only really just spends his time with our son and me, sometimes.

Right now I’ve been focusing on trying to lose weight.  With the extra 60lbs I had on originally, I had put on 70lbs of baby weight.  Only 20lbs came off postpartum, so I’m now considered obese.  I think I might even be close to the ‘morbidly obese’ category.  I used to look at morbidly obese people and wonder how they managed to get that way and why they didn’t do anything about it.  Right now, I am starting to understand why.

Reasons why I’m having problems losing weight:

  1. I’m breastfeeding. I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is a real problem.  Every time I try and get weight-loss nutrition advice, nobody will advise a breastfeeding mother.  I need my calories for the milk, so nobody will advise cutting them.
  2. I have hypothyroidism. I know some people roll their eyes at this and claim that hypothyroidism is an excuse for being fat.  Unfortunately, it is a reason why people are fat.  The problem is, unless you have Hashimoto’s or thyroid cancer (I have neither), they don’t actually know what causes hypothyroidism.  All they know is that it is typically more difficult to lose weight when you have it.  I have found that once I was medicated for it, it didn’t help me lose weight, it just kept me from gaining further. Anyone advising someone with hypothyroidism to lose weight will advise them to cut more then the average amount of calories from their diet because their metabolism is slower than the average person.
  3. I have weight-related pain. I was diagnosed a few months ago with plantar fascitis.  That’s pain in your feet.  It’s caused by being overweight or by pregnancy.  It hurts to walk.  If I can’t walk, I can’t do much in the way of exercise.  I stand on my feet all day at work.  When I get home, I just can’t tolerate the pain anymore.
  4. I have too much to lose. If I manage to lose one lb a week, it will take me almost 2 years to lose all my weight. TWO YEARS.  That’s a long time.  A very long time.  It seems scary.  Can I adopt healthy habits for two years?  It just seems so daunting.

I have seen people with hypothyroidism do well with a paleo diet, so I will be slowly weaning myself into one.  I’m giving up my biggest problem first: added sugars.  After that, I will give up grains, dairy, and the other little things like potatoes, legumes, etc.  I have tried to work out a few times despite the pain in my feet, but it really didn’t seem to do much for me.

So that’s all I can think of that’s new with me.  I will try and blog more often, but it will most likely be about my son and my weight-loss efforts.

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Pregnancy: Week 40

Saturday, July 22, 2017 – Monday, July 24, 2017

This week started out as more of the same.  I was in pain, having problems sleeping for more than a few hours at a time, and very ready for things to end.  My mom had been calling me daily for weeks to ask about updates.  I texted my dad and my sisters every day or two, just to let them know that there was no progress.  I had contractions on and off.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017
At night the contractions increased in intensity, but not to the point the doctor said she was looking for.  I had to wait until they were difficult to talk through.  They had not reached that point.   However, they were coming every 2-5 minutes, so I decided to go to the hospital.  At least this time, they contractions were showing up on their equipment.  However, this time my blood pressure was high.  Like 158/80 high.  Because of my blood pressure, they decided to keep me there.  Because I was already having contractions, they  said they’d give me a few hours to see if they would progress.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017
The contractions didn’t progress.  I was still 1 cm dilated around 6am. They decided to induce me.  A few hours later I was still having mild contractions and I was still 1cm dilated.  They decided to put a Foley balloon up there because it would help me dilate.  It was painful to insert and I had to just sit around and wait for 12 hours before they could remove it.

Thankfully, I had a lot of family there.  My mom and stepdad, my dad and stepmom, and my mother-in-law all kept us company.  We played card games and hung out while we waited.  Finally at about 10pm, they came and took out the Foley balloon.  I had expected something to happen, like someone to check my dilation, but they just took it out and left, so we, my husband and I, went to sleep.

Thursday, July 27, 2017
I got up early, showered, and got our stuff packed.  They were moving us back to the labor and delivery room to get induced again.  The plan was for them to start the induction around 7 or 8am.  However, all of their labor and delivery rooms were full.  Finally, around 11am, I got a room. When the doctor went to check my dilation, it was still at 1cm.  I was frustrated and angry.  what was the purpose of taking almost an entire day for the Foley balloon if it did nothing!?  They raised the level of the Pitocin by 2 every half hour to hour.  The contractions started getting more intense, but not to the point where it was uncomfortable.  We hung out more with our families.  Finally, when they got the Pitocin up to 14, the pain started to become unbearable.  At every contraction, I was in the fetal position, eyes closed, clutching my stress ball for dear life.  I called for an epidural.  The doctor came and said they couldn’t give it to me because I was still only 1cm dilated.  As she was checking, I had a contraction and it opened up to 3cm while I was having it, then it closed back up. She decided I was dilated enough for an epidural.

It seemed like it took them a long time to get the anesthesiologist there.  The epidural itself was painful, but the relief was SWEET!  I could feel the pressure of the contractions, but not the pain.  I could sort of move one leg and the other was immobile.  Again, I got to be hopeful as I dilated to 5cm.  Then the doctor came in to explain that the baby’s heart rate was flat, not peaking or dipping, but staying the same whenever I had a contraction.  That didn’t sound like a bad thing to me, but it was apparently bad.  It happened enough to the point where they recommended a C-section.

I was scared to have the C-section and requested to be put out for it.  Unfortunately, they don’t do that because it would put out the baby as well.  I asked for about 10-15 minutes with my husband.  He was afraid that I was going to die.  I promised him I wouldn’t, but he made me decide what would happen if I did.  I told him he would have to promise to take care of our son.  We both cried and told each other that we loved each other.  It didn’t feel like we had enough time together when they came back into the room.  Then they told us that there was an emergency C-section that had to go before us.  We had to wait some more.  We both calmed down a bit and just enjoyed each other’s company.  I was in and out of consciousness; not from the drugs, but from general exhaustion.  I kept falling a sleep for seconds or minutes at a time and waking back up.  They had also turned up the epidural in preparation for my surgery, so I felt nothing from the waist down.

It finally came time for the surgery.  My husband held my hand and a big sheet wall was placed between me and my lower body.  I was shaking with cold.  Or was it fear?  Either way, I was assured that my lower body was still. I couldn’t believe it, but I managed to sleep on and off throughout the surgery as well.  Then I heard a doctor say, “Oh boy!  He’s a big one!”  A minute or two later, I heard a cry.  My son was out and he was crying!  They dropped the sheet enough for me to see him and I started to cry.  I was in and out of sleep again as they cleaned him up, weighed him, and handed him to my husband.  They also took him away for some measurements and my husband reluctantly went with them.  He wanted to stay with me, worried about how my body dealt with the surgery.  Our baby was 10lbs 1 oz and 22 inches long!  We named him Lawrence after my father.

 

Pregnancy: Week 39

Saturday July , 2017 – Friday July 21, 2017

After keeping me in the hospital for about an hour, they saw that my contractions were so mild that they didn’t even show up on their monitor.  And I was still only 1 cm dilated.  Needless to say, they sent me home.

I had mild contractions all week long.  There was maybe a day or two where I didn’t have them.  However, the doctor said not to go to the hospital unless they increased in frequency or intensity.  They never did.

Every day I woke up telling myself, “Maybe today will be the day that he’s born”.  And every day, it never happened.  I tried to wait as patiently as possible. My pelvic and hip pain got so bad I could barely walk.  I didn’t do much except nap and eat.  I was really hungry.  Kyle was starting to get impatient with me and my inability to do anything.  I tried to ask as little as possible of him, but there were definitely times he lost patience with me.

By the end of the week, he still hadn’t arrived.

Pregnancy: Week 38

Saturday, July 8 – Friday, July 14, 2017

I spent most of the week laying around the apartment and working on my various knitting projects.  At this point, I’m feeling bigger and heavier every day.  He’s taking up so much room that I can no longer sit up straight without feeling like I’m squishing him.  I’m also increasingly hungry.  I get up in the middle of the night to both pee and eat.  It hurts more to walk every day.  I am starting to look forward to labor as an end to the pain.

On Friday, I started getting mild contractions.  It just felt like a tightening of my uterus every so often.  There was no pain and they were about 10-20 minutes apart.  I was hoping that they would increase in frequency and intensity and I’d go into labor.  Instead, I fell asleep around midnight on Friday night.

Pregnancy: Week 37

Saturday July 1 – Friday July 7, 2017

I found out that I am officially full-term this week.  That means if the baby were to come, he should be okay in all respects!  I did my best to try and prepare my apartment and everything else for his eventual arrival.  I completed almost everything on my to-do list.  This took almost all week because I had little to no energy on most days.  I would complete an item, then nap.  Then wake up and complete another item.  I know my husband is getting annoyed doing all the work, but because I do get up and do some things when I can, he’s become more understanding about it than he was during the first trimester.

Now that most things are done, I have been just making sure to lay down, rest, and relax as much as I can.  Every week it seems to get more painful to move and walk, but the end is in sight.  He will come when he’s ready.

Pregnancy: Week 36

Saturday June 24 – Friday June 30, 2017

Even though our doctor didn’t recommend a travel ban, we decided this would be the last week we did some traveling.  We went to a hiking event.  It was good to see friends again and I’m feeling less and less inhibited about hanging out with the people there.  It probably helped that my ex-husband was there alone and seemed largely ignored by the world at large!  Maybe it’s vindictive of me, but I was glad to see him get what I thought he deserved while I always was surrounded by friends and acquaintances.

We went swimming a few times.  It felt blissful on my pregnant belly.  It hurts my pelvis to move my hips for any reason now.  That could be to adjust my position when laying down; it could be to move from laying to sitting or sitting to standing; it could even mean that it hurt to walk.  However, the weightlessness that comes from being in the water lifted all the weight of my belly off of my pelvis and it felt amazing!

I feel like I’m losing a bit of weight, but the scale has remained the same.  I guess that means that our baby is growing while I’m shrinking.  I wonder if has to do with the change in thyroid numbers.  Well, I’ll take it.  Slightly over 50lbs was enough weight gain for someone like me who was already heavy to begin with!

Pregnancy: Week 35

Saturday June 17 – Friday June 23, 2017

I am starting to get more and more exhausted.  Thankfully, there wasn’t much left to do on my end-of-the-year checklist.  My last day was Thursday and the whole week was full of half days.  Regardless, it was difficult for me to get up for work on time.  When I got home from work, I wanted to do nothing by sleep.  I haven’t been eating much because I’ve been getting bad acid and I feel like my stomach doesn’t have much room in it for food.

I went to the doctor and got an ultrasound.  It turns out that he was at over 4.5lbs at the beginning of this week!  I got a lot of comments from coworkers asking me to let them know when he arrives.  Most of them thought I would go early because I’m so big.  Well, we’ll see!  I’m just grateful to have the time to rest and relax now that school is done! I couldn’t imagine having to work for another month yet!

Pregnancy: Week 34

Saturday, June 10, 2017
I drove to go to my middle school’s graduation ceremony (they have split my job between the elementary and middle schools in my district).   I waddled down the aisle to the front where the teachers are kept on display.  About halfway through the ceremony, the baby started shoving his head up against my bladder.  Repeatedly.  I felt like I was going to burst, but there was no good way for me to get up and sneak out to use the bathroom.  It took every ounce of willpower to not pee myself.  Once it was over, I practically ran to the nearest bathroom!

Kyle and I spent the rest of the day going food shopping and running various errands.

Sunday, June 11, 2017
Kyle and I went to return Chandra’s computer.  Unfortunately, she couldn’t remember her password and didn’t want her files erased, so there was nothing that Kyle could to fix it.  She didn’t seem to understand when I explained it to her, so Kyle got out of the car and explained the exact same thing to her.  He mentioned later that she was awfully sexist to believe him but not me.  I guess it never occurred to me.  She kept trying to get me to come back and help her, but I really had no desire to do so at this point.

Kyle and I ran more errands and then spent the evening together.

Monday, June 12 – Friday June 16, 2017

I spent the entire time just waiting for the week to end.  Some days I had enough energy to tackle the end-of-school-year-checklist I needed to complete.  Some days, I just sat and stared off into space when I wasn’t attempting to teach.  I realized that either my standards for student behavior have gone way up lately or I’m meaner or bitchier to them.  Honestly, it seems like they’re acting up worse lately, but that could just be my perception.  I just couldn’t wait for the end of the week because next week I only have half days!

Pregnancy: Week 33

Saturday, June 3, 2017
I had offered to help a friend out today with a barbecue he was hosting.  We spent the majority of the day outdoors.  It was a relaxing day.  My help was mainly organizational, so I mostly spent the day sitting round outside under a sun shade.  Kyle brought me food and did anything that required a lot of physical effort.  By dinnertime, we arrived home.  I was sunburned and exhausted.  I spent the rest of the night napping and zoning out in front of the television set.  Kyle also resigned from his job today.  In all honesty, they weren’t scheduling him for many hours and the hours he did get were all for days he tried to take off, but was denied.

Sunday, June 4, 2017
I spent the morning with Chandra.  It has been a number of months since I have seen her.  I don’t know what I expected, but she asked for computer help again.  I am honestly getting tired of helping her out with the same things.  She wanted help with her e-mail again.  I used to feel good by helping her out, but I just felt exhausted.  This time, one of the things she needed me to do was beyond my computer expertise. I offered Kyle’s expertise since it would give him something to do.

Afterwards, we took my mom and step-dad out for dinner for her birthday.  Again, when I got home, I was so exhausted, I just laid down in bed and fell asleep.

Monday, June 5, 2017
It was back to work today.  I was extra tired, but I managed to get through it.  Stairs have been getting increasingly more difficult.  Because my art room is on the third floor of the building, I have to take a break in between flights!  I have had several people mention that they think I’m going to be going to deliver early because I’m so big.  They’re mostly coworkers, so I’ve tried to joke and smile about it.  However, I didn’t take it quite so well, internally.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Several of my classes were out on field trips, so I spent my time starting to clean up the bulletin boards in my classroom, finishing grading, and returning artwork to the students.  It felt good to be close to the end of the year, especially because I feel like I’m starting to carry my baby so big and heavily!

Wednesday, June 7, 2017
I have noticed recently that whenever a particular female friend of Kyle’s messages him on Facebook, he closes the window and doesn’t respond in front of me.  This morning my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up their conversations on his computer.  I went back a number of months.  The majority of the conversations were about little things and almost all were at her initiating.  It was clear to me that she was more interested in being his friend than he was in being hers.  However, there was one from a few months ago where she asked him (seemingly out of the blue) if he didn’t miss sleeping with other women.  He said “sometimes”.  Later on in the conversation, seemingly out of the blue again, he mentioned that she still gave the best blow jobs.  My heart exploded in my chest.  I felt crushed since he told me the same thing.  I woke him up and we talked about it.  He said that the thing about the blow jobs was an inside joke and that he was having dreams about sleeping with his exes at that point in time, which is why he answered how he did.  To be fair, later in the conversations when she asked how he was enjoying marriage (we have been keeping up the facade that we’re married so I could keep my job) and he said he was enjoying it.

Kyle and I talked, but I still felt a horrible pain inside my chest. On the way to work, I felt like my world was falling apart.  I thought he was a good person.  He was a guy who seemed to truly love me.  He cooked for me.  He massaged my feet when they were sore.  He seemed to really want this child and for us to be a family.  I started wondering how I could have this kid and look after it on my own.  I wondered if the reason the conversations were so sparse and out-of-the-blue was because he was deleting parts of them.  Was there even a way of finding out?

I arrived to work barely on time.  After the first two classes, I felt bad cramps really low down.  I also felt nauseous. I blamed the pregnancy, told my principal how I was feeling, and left early.  After a coworker asking how I was feeling, she insisted that I call the doctor right away.  I called the emergency number in my phone and got just a weird voicemail that sounded nothing like what I had expected it to.  I left a message and drove home.

When I got there, Kyle and I talked some more.  I had calmed down somewhat and so had he.  I was still really hurting over what he had written, but there was also the desire to be on good terms with him as well.  We held each other and cried and eventually we both drifted off to sleep.  I awoke to a coworker calling to ask what the doctor said.  I realized we slept most of the day away.   I also realized that I had programmed the emergency number wrong in my phone!  I was glad that I found out today! I dialed the correct number and waited for the call back.  In the meantime, my principal called me to see how I was doing.  As I hung up with her, I got the call back and they insisted that I come in.

We waited for a while and Kyle waited with me.  We got an ultrasound and they checked my cervix.  I was not told anything about what they saw except for the fact that there are no signs of preterm labor and the pain was coming from the separation of my pelvis.  The doctor explained that  everyone’s pelvis separates in preparation for delivery, but that few actually feel pain from it.   She didn’t say why mine hurt, but I suspected it was my age.  When we got home, I went to bed.

Thursday, June 8, 2017
I woke up in pain, but took my two Tylenol (the only painkiller I was allowed to take) and did my best to waddle around the apartment to get ready for work.  It was painful and took longer than usual.  I practically shuffled around the building, but I managed to “teach” all my classes.  With it being so close to the end of the school year, we really can’t start any new projects because the teachers never let me know when I will or will/not have their students.  I had the kids do free drawing today while listening to music.  I made them come to me if they had a question or wanted to show me anything.

Despite everything that happened yesterday, Kyle and I seem to mostly be back on good terms again. I can’t even begin to describe or fathom why, but I wasn’t complaining.  I was still hurting a little bit over it, but it wasn’t too bad.  I kept trying to tell myself all the things he was doing for me and how supportive he was of me.  It sort of helped.

Friday, June 9, 2017
I realized that maybe I should check to see if there were any other conversations that Kyle might have been having with other people that were inappropriate, so I went through a bunch of his other conversations on messenger and discovered nothing untoward.  I don’t know what’s the matter with me that I feel so suspicious or worried about him, but clearly he doesn’t deserve it.  I looked it up online and apparently it some sort of thing that pregnant women go through, like something their hormones spur on or something. We had a good night together.  He made an amazing dinner and gave me a foot massage before bed.

Pregnancy: Week 32

Saturday, May 27, 2017
Kyle and I went to another hiking thing.  I am getting more used to not hiking.  Of course my ex-husband and his girlfriend were there.  At first, it affected me, but I did my best trying to keep in constant conversation with someone or other. By the end, it seemed like he was the one who felt out of place!  Maybe it’s mean of me, but I’m okay with that!  Even though most of the people there were more acquaintances rather than real friends, it helped me to feel more like I belonged there.  I hung out with the other women and their kids.  I used to be friends with several of them, but they dropped me not long after Tim and I broke up and I never knew why.  I tried to be as friendly as possible and tried to be friendly and not act injured.  I must have done succeeded because I felt like we started on the first steps towards repairing our friendship.

Sunday, May 28, 2017
I must have overdone it yesterday, because I was tired and out of it all day.  I literally spent the day  alternating between napping and zoning out in front of the television.

Monday, May 29, 2017
Because I was feeling better after resting so much yesterday, I got a lot done today.  Kyle and I went food shopping and ran a bunch of needed errands.  I’m not looking forward to going back to school, but I know it needs to be done.  At least the end is in sight with just about four weeks left of classes!

Tuesday, May 30, 2017
As always, I showed more documentaries in my classes today.  I was just so tired that I had no energy to do anything.  At least I didn’t fall asleep in class like I have done on other occasions! I also had my appointment with my endocrinologist today.  Apparently, if thyroid numbers change during a pregnancy, it’s usually in week 32.  We talked briefly.  Other than being dismayed at the fact that I gained 48lbs (my gynecologist didn’t even’t comment on it), he didn’t have much else to say.  I got my blood drawn and he told me to come back Friday for the results.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Today I had a slightly easier schedule due to some testing, but not by much.  I was able to get working on some of the grading that I needed to do, so that was nice.  I had my gynecologist appointment today.  They did an ultrasound and I got to see him!  She said that he’s about 4lb 9oz already!  I watched the ultrasound closely and it said that the head measurement was around the size typical for 33 weeks 5 days instead of 32 weeks 5 days.  She didn’t say anything and told me everything was fine and normal.  I took it as another sign that I’m going to deliver early.

Thursday, June 1, 2017
I had been dreading this day for a while now.  There was yet another student concert with another accompanying art show.  I know the idea was to have an art show with each concert showing off the work of the students who were a part of the concert, but it did seem like an awful lot of work and late nights for me!  My main goal was to just get through the day and night as well as I could.  Apparently, I did very well, but was exhausted by the time I got home.  I didn’t even want to eat, I just walked in and went right to bed!

Friday, June 2, 2017
I woke up to the sound of the carbon monoxide detector going off.  It was a slow beeping and when the bedroom door was open, it stopped.  We decided to go to the nearest 24 hour store and get a new battery.  We did and it continued beeping, but not the fast beeps that were considered the actual warning.  I couldn’t go back to sleep and called the landlord as soon as I got to work and it was considered a decent hour to call.  He said he’d come by with a replacement while I was at work.

I had some parents e-mail me to complain about the layout of the art show and felt slighted when their child had less work up than others.  While there were good reasons for it, whether or not it was because their child was too busy talking in class to finish their work or they were absent and missed days of class, these parents were not satisfied with my answers.  I ended up talking with one on the phone and she went so far as to tell me what a horrible teacher I was.  I just snapped and told her we should meet with the principal and hung up on her.  I felt bad, but it was probably better than me reacting to the anger.  I went to the principal and let her know exactly what happened and that she should be expecting a phone call from that parent.  I know I overreacted.  I was tired from staying late at night and waking up early.  I got overemotional and I was embarrassed by how I reacted.

I don’t know what parents expect when they call up.  I have had parents ask me to change grades, change punishments, or just change policies of mine.  What they don’t seem understand is that no child is perfect.  All children make mistakes.  I am not targeting their child.  I do not dislike their child.  And the ruder they get, the less likely they are of succeeding in the reason why they called.   When I was a kid and a teacher called home, my parents always believed what they said.  Now, the parents believe the kid.  I just don’t get it.