Pregnancy: Week 33

Saturday, June 3, 2017
I had offered to help a friend out today with a barbecue he was hosting.  We spent the majority of the day outdoors.  It was a relaxing day.  My help was mainly organizational, so I mostly spent the day sitting round outside under a sun shade.  Kyle brought me food and did anything that required a lot of physical effort.  By dinnertime, we arrived home.  I was sunburned and exhausted.  I spent the rest of the night napping and zoning out in front of the television set.  Kyle also resigned from his job today.  In all honesty, they weren’t scheduling him for many hours and the hours he did get were all for days he tried to take off, but was denied.

Sunday, June 4, 2017
I spent the morning with Chandra.  It has been a number of months since I have seen her.  I don’t know what I expected, but she asked for computer help again.  I am honestly getting tired of helping her out with the same things.  She wanted help with her e-mail again.  I used to feel good by helping her out, but I just felt exhausted.  This time, one of the things she needed me to do was beyond my computer expertise. I offered Kyle’s expertise since it would give him something to do.

Afterwards, we took my mom and step-dad out for dinner for her birthday.  Again, when I got home, I was so exhausted, I just laid down in bed and fell asleep.

Monday, June 5, 2017
It was back to work today.  I was extra tired, but I managed to get through it.  Stairs have been getting increasingly more difficult.  Because my art room is on the third floor of the building, I have to take a break in between flights!  I have had several people mention that they think I’m going to be going to deliver early because I’m so big.  They’re mostly coworkers, so I’ve tried to joke and smile about it.  However, I didn’t take it quite so well, internally.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Several of my classes were out on field trips, so I spent my time starting to clean up the bulletin boards in my classroom, finishing grading, and returning artwork to the students.  It felt good to be close to the end of the year, especially because I feel like I’m starting to carry my baby so big and heavily!

Wednesday, June 7, 2017
I have noticed recently that whenever a particular female friend of Kyle’s messages him on Facebook, he closes the window and doesn’t respond in front of me.  This morning my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up their conversations on his computer.  I went back a number of months.  The majority of the conversations were about little things and almost all were at her initiating.  It was clear to me that she was more interested in being his friend than he was in being hers.  However, there was one from a few months ago where she asked him (seemingly out of the blue) if he didn’t miss sleeping with other women.  He said “sometimes”.  Later on in the conversation, seemingly out of the blue again, he mentioned that she still gave the best blow jobs.  My heart exploded in my chest.  I felt crushed since he told me the same thing.  I woke him up and we talked about it.  He said that the thing about the blow jobs was an inside joke and that he was having dreams about sleeping with his exes at that point in time, which is why he answered how he did.  To be fair, later in the conversations when she asked how he was enjoying marriage (we have been keeping up the facade that we’re married so I could keep my job) and he said he was enjoying it.

Kyle and I talked, but I still felt a horrible pain inside my chest. On the way to work, I felt like my world was falling apart.  I thought he was a good person.  He was a guy who seemed to truly love me.  He cooked for me.  He massaged my feet when they were sore.  He seemed to really want this child and for us to be a family.  I started wondering how I could have this kid and look after it on my own.  I wondered if the reason the conversations were so sparse and out-of-the-blue was because he was deleting parts of them.  Was there even a way of finding out?

I arrived to work barely on time.  After the first two classes, I felt bad cramps really low down.  I also felt nauseous. I blamed the pregnancy, told my principal how I was feeling, and left early.  After a coworker asking how I was feeling, she insisted that I call the doctor right away.  I called the emergency number in my phone and got just a weird voicemail that sounded nothing like what I had expected it to.  I left a message and drove home.

When I got there, Kyle and I talked some more.  I had calmed down somewhat and so had he.  I was still really hurting over what he had written, but there was also the desire to be on good terms with him as well.  We held each other and cried and eventually we both drifted off to sleep.  I awoke to a coworker calling to ask what the doctor said.  I realized we slept most of the day away.   I also realized that I had programmed the emergency number wrong in my phone!  I was glad that I found out today! I dialed the correct number and waited for the call back.  In the meantime, my principal called me to see how I was doing.  As I hung up with her, I got the call back and they insisted that I come in.

We waited for a while and Kyle waited with me.  We got an ultrasound and they checked my cervix.  I was not told anything about what they saw except for the fact that there are no signs of preterm labor and the pain was coming from the separation of my pelvis.  The doctor explained that  everyone’s pelvis separates in preparation for delivery, but that few actually feel pain from it.   She didn’t say why mine hurt, but I suspected it was my age.  When we got home, I went to bed.

Thursday, June 8, 2017
I woke up in pain, but took my two Tylenol (the only painkiller I was allowed to take) and did my best to waddle around the apartment to get ready for work.  It was painful and took longer than usual.  I practically shuffled around the building, but I managed to “teach” all my classes.  With it being so close to the end of the school year, we really can’t start any new projects because the teachers never let me know when I will or will/not have their students.  I had the kids do free drawing today while listening to music.  I made them come to me if they had a question or wanted to show me anything.

Despite everything that happened yesterday, Kyle and I seem to mostly be back on good terms again. I can’t even begin to describe or fathom why, but I wasn’t complaining.  I was still hurting a little bit over it, but it wasn’t too bad.  I kept trying to tell myself all the things he was doing for me and how supportive he was of me.  It sort of helped.

Friday, June 9, 2017
I realized that maybe I should check to see if there were any other conversations that Kyle might have been having with other people that were inappropriate, so I went through a bunch of his other conversations on messenger and discovered nothing untoward.  I don’t know what’s the matter with me that I feel so suspicious or worried about him, but clearly he doesn’t deserve it.  I looked it up online and apparently it some sort of thing that pregnant women go through, like something their hormones spur on or something. We had a good night together.  He made an amazing dinner and gave me a foot massage before bed.

Pregnancy: Week 32

Saturday, May 27, 2017
Kyle and I went to another hiking thing.  I am getting more used to not hiking.  Of course my ex-husband and his girlfriend were there.  At first, it affected me, but I did my best trying to keep in constant conversation with someone or other. By the end, it seemed like he was the one who felt out of place!  Maybe it’s mean of me, but I’m okay with that!  Even though most of the people there were more acquaintances rather than real friends, it helped me to feel more like I belonged there.  I hung out with the other women and their kids.  I used to be friends with several of them, but they dropped me not long after Tim and I broke up and I never knew why.  I tried to be as friendly as possible and tried to be friendly and not act injured.  I must have done succeeded because I felt like we started on the first steps towards repairing our friendship.

Sunday, May 28, 2017
I must have overdone it yesterday, because I was tired and out of it all day.  I literally spent the day  alternating between napping and zoning out in front of the television.

Monday, May 29, 2017
Because I was feeling better after resting so much yesterday, I got a lot done today.  Kyle and I went food shopping and ran a bunch of needed errands.  I’m not looking forward to going back to school, but I know it needs to be done.  At least the end is in sight with just about four weeks left of classes!

Tuesday, May 30, 2017
As always, I showed more documentaries in my classes today.  I was just so tired that I had no energy to do anything.  At least I didn’t fall asleep in class like I have done on other occasions! I also had my appointment with my endocrinologist today.  Apparently, if thyroid numbers change during a pregnancy, it’s usually in week 32.  We talked briefly.  Other than being dismayed at the fact that I gained 48lbs (my gynecologist didn’t even’t comment on it), he didn’t have much else to say.  I got my blood drawn and he told me to come back Friday for the results.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Today I had a slightly easier schedule due to some testing, but not by much.  I was able to get working on some of the grading that I needed to do, so that was nice.  I had my gynecologist appointment today.  They did an ultrasound and I got to see him!  She said that he’s about 4lb 9oz already!  I watched the ultrasound closely and it said that the head measurement was around the size typical for 33 weeks 5 days instead of 32 weeks 5 days.  She didn’t say anything and told me everything was fine and normal.  I took it as another sign that I’m going to deliver early.

Thursday, June 1, 2017
I had been dreading this day for a while now.  There was yet another student concert with another accompanying art show.  I know the idea was to have an art show with each concert showing off the work of the students who were a part of the concert, but it did seem like an awful lot of work and late nights for me!  My main goal was to just get through the day and night as well as I could.  Apparently, I did very well, but was exhausted by the time I got home.  I didn’t even want to eat, I just walked in and went right to bed!

Friday, June 2, 2017
I woke up to the sound of the carbon monoxide detector going off.  It was a slow beeping and when the bedroom door was open, it stopped.  We decided to go to the nearest 24 hour store and get a new battery.  We did and it continued beeping, but not the fast beeps that were considered the actual warning.  I couldn’t go back to sleep and called the landlord as soon as I got to work and it was considered a decent hour to call.  He said he’d come by with a replacement while I was at work.

I had some parents e-mail me to complain about the layout of the art show and felt slighted when their child had less work up than others.  While there were good reasons for it, whether or not it was because their child was too busy talking in class to finish their work or they were absent and missed days of class, these parents were not satisfied with my answers.  I ended up talking with one on the phone and she went so far as to tell me what a horrible teacher I was.  I just snapped and told her we should meet with the principal and hung up on her.  I felt bad, but it was probably better than me reacting to the anger.  I went to the principal and let her know exactly what happened and that she should be expecting a phone call from that parent.  I know I overreacted.  I was tired from staying late at night and waking up early.  I got overemotional and I was embarrassed by how I reacted.

I don’t know what parents expect when they call up.  I have had parents ask me to change grades, change punishments, or just change policies of mine.  What they don’t seem understand is that no child is perfect.  All children make mistakes.  I am not targeting their child.  I do not dislike their child.  And the ruder they get, the less likely they are of succeeding in the reason why they called.   When I was a kid and a teacher called home, my parents always believed what they said.  Now, the parents believe the kid.  I just don’t get it.

Pregnancy: Week 31

Saturday, May 20, 2017
I woke up early to get my car to the mechanic.  I had finally saved up enough money to get the part that I needed.  It took them the better part of the morning to install it, but I didn’t care.  It was going to be done!  The lack of the “check engine” light was a beautiful sight as I drove home!  Afterwards, I was so tired I needed a nap.  Then we got up and did laundry.  I know all of that stuff needed to be done, but I feel like I never get any time to do what I want to do or even need to do.  I’m probably just tired and over-emotional though.

Sunday, May 21, 2017
I woke up early again.  The plan for today was to go to my mom’s house and do the remainder of the washing of baby stuff before meeting up with some friends. On my way there, the “check engine” light came back on.  I felt very despondent.  In addition, it took too long to do all of the laundry so I ended up having to drive a half hour to visit my friends and then a half hour back to my mom’s afterwards.  I was tired and starting to feel burned out.  When I confided this to Rebecca, she told me I better get used to it because it’s only going to get worse when the baby comes.  While there is some truth to what she said, it hurt my feelings nonetheless.  By the time I got home, Kyle was  really sweet about how much he missed me throughout the day.  He had cleaned the whole apartment and it looked really nice.  I spent a little quality time with him before falling asleep.

Monday, May 22, 2017
When I woke up my cold was worse, but I had to go to work today. Tonight was the concert and my art show.  The concert really had nothing to do with me, except for the fact that my school has a tradition of having art shows on the same night.  I still had a lot of pictures to mount and hang.  They also make a big show of thanking me for the things I do at the concert.  I pushed myself to get it all done.  The nurse let me sleep in the cot in her room between the end of school and the concert.  I slept for two hours, ate dinner, got thanked at the concert, and promptly went home and went to bed.

Tuesday, May 23rd, 2017
I had to drag myself out of bed today.  I had a difficult time staying upright when standing.  I’m not sure if it was my pregnancy making me light-headed or if my cold was getting worse.  My voice had become a croak.  I could speak, but my voice was significantly lower and I couldn’t talk loudly.  About halfway through the day, I decided to go home and sleep.  I just couldn’t stay awake anymore.  My boss could see how worn and poorly I looked.

When I got home, I fell asleep.  When I woke up, Kyle insisted that I go to the local urgent care.  I honestly expected them to tell me what I thought I already knew; that I had a bad cold.  Or maybe accuse me of having allergies.  Instead, I found out that my temperature was elevated and they recommended antibiotics.  We picked up the prescription, I called in sick for work tomorrow, and went to sleep.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Even though I had already called in last night, I didn’t sleep very late.  I got up early, wandered around a bit, then laid back down to sleep some more.  I got distracted with a few things and didn’t end up going back to sleep until 10 or 11.  Then I slept 4 or 5 more hours.  I must have needed it!  When I got up, Kyle kept asking me for help with various projects he was working on.  They didn’t really require much effort on my part, just another pair of hands.  I also finished reading “Childbirth Without Fear”.  It was written a long time ago and there were a few sections that were antiquated.  Otherwise, it really did help me conquer my fear of childbirth!  It was a tough read though.  It was partially due to anachronistic language and partially due to pregnancy brain.

I tried to make myself relax and get as much rest as possible, but it was difficult.  I suppose that’s a good sign that I’m starting to feel better!

Thursday, May 25, 2017
I wasn’t sure I was ready to return to work.  I knew that I had to go in, but I wasn’t ready to.  I worried that I wouldn’t be able to handle working the whole day, plus helping out with an after school program like I had agreed to.  I did feel significantly better.  My cough was almost gone and my voice was back to normal.  However, once I reached lunch time, my exhaustion caught up with me.  I was really tired.  I dragged myself through the final classes.  Afterwards, I was chatting with a coworker who told me that the music teacher was fired.  She didn’t have the details, but she had apparently pissed off a parent.  I know what that’s like.  However, I had always thought of her as an institution there.  She wasn’t tenured because she was part-time.  I felt for her.  I also privately told myself I should really buckle down in my job search becase I didn’t want to get stuck in a similar situation.  She would be back tomorrow and when she decided to tell me, I had to look surprised.  I never was very good at making my face show emotions that I wasn’t feeling.  I would do my best though!

By the time I got home, I just wanted to go to sleep.  Kyle basically ordered me to lie down and relax.  I made sure to do a few things that needed to be done (like take my antibiotics) first.  He cooked us dinner.  We watched the latest installment of a television drama we had been watching while we ate.  We then laid down and had some intimate time.  Even though I’m not terribly interested in anything sexual, apparently it didn’t change the fact that I like pleasing him from time to time.  He was worried that I wouldn’t get enough sleep for tomorrow.  I told him that I really didn’t have a whole lot to do with our half day.  I guess that’s all it took to convince him!

Friday May 26, 2017
I awoke a bit late today, but it wasn’t a big deal.  Everything was ready to go and I didn’t have much to do.  We had a half day at work, but the kids were nuts.  I mentioned to a coworker that I was taking antibiotics and she asked if they were safe to take while pregnant.  I had assumed so since I couldn’t fathom why a doctor would give me them otherwise.  I started to worry.  Then I started to worry.  I didn’t think I felt the baby move much today.  Was there a problem with him? Was he just sleeping?  Was I just being paranoid.  I spent about two hours wondering and waiting before I felt some movement.  It was still a small movement, so I hoped everything was okay.  I kept telling myself that I was just being paranoid.

I took my car to the mechanic (again).  I’m really getting sick of having to get it fixed.  I know that it’s old and the mileage is quite high, so it needed to be done.  I just wanted to get it done already!  I spent over $1,000, a lot of the money my dad gave us for the baby.  However, he’s going to need a safe car to ride in, so I suppose the argument could be made for it.

All week, my lower belly has been weighing more heavily.  Now it’s starting to get sore when it’s weighed down by gravity.  My belly is oddly shaped and covered in stretch marks.  I feel more like an overweight man than a pregnant woman at this point.  I had stretch marks on my lower belly for months, but now I have acquired them on my upper belly and hips too.  It is by no means the pretty perfect pregnant belly that people see on TV and movies.  My belly is even more oblong than it is rounded.  At this point, I don’t care, so long as it does its job and brings a healthy baby into this world.  I do worry a little about the stretch marks.  I am still holding onto the idea/hope that I’ll be able to lose the baby weight plus the extra weight I’ve been trying to lose since before I got pregnant. Kyle has also promised to help support me in this goal by allowing me an hour of workout time every day if I would do the same for him.  Well, we’ll see!


Pregnancy: Week 30

Saturday, May 13, 2017
I had planned to do a few things this morning, before we left, but it never ended up happening.  Kyle knew that I knew that my shower was today, but nobody else knew.  However, when we arrived at the location, I recognized a friend’s very recognizable car (it is both an unusual model and color).  Then I saw a sawhorse labeled with my name and it said that it’s my parking spot.  When I walked in, I was in shock.  There were relatives and friends I didn’t expect to see.  My dad came to visit from halfway across the U.S., for example.

My middle sister was clearly the organizer of the event and she did a great job!  It was fun and entertaining, and I really don’t say that about things like baby showers.  Everyone was really generous, making me feel bad that I hadn’t managed to give them more at their weddings and showers.  Then came the moment of truth.  My middle sister had convinced us to do a gender reveal.  She wheeled out the cake, I cut into it, and saw the blue icing.  I am going to have a boy!  While I preferred a girl, I thought it was a boy.  We also announced the name, which was my father’s first name. While I had never been particularly close with my father, I liked his name and it was a family name that was about to die out.  I was later told that my dad teared up.  My dad also gave us a check that I thought said $300, which was very generous.  I hugged and thanked him.  Later on, I discovered that it said $3,000!  All of the big ticket items were bought for us and then some!  We started to get concerned about where we were going to put everything, but I suppose that’s a great problem to have!  There were also a number of sentimental presents where people made things for us.

As we drove away, we were both in silent shock and gratitude.  We stopped at a big box store to pick up a few things we needed with some of the gift money we were given.  I got some clothes and underwear for our hospital bag.  Kyle got a cute father’s day shirt that he’s going to put in his hospital bag.  When we got home, we talked for a little while about the day and everyone’s generosity and went to bed.

Sunday, May 14, 2017
I woke up rather early this morning.  I got up, read a chapter of my Childbirth Without Fear book, and fell back asleep on the couch.  I woke up a few hours later, made breakfast, and went back to sleep.  I had a difficult time staying awake, in general today.  To be fair, this was the first day I had where I didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything in over a month.  I guess my body just needed its rest.

Of course, when it came time to actually go to sleep for the night, I had a lot of difficulty getting to sleep.  I think it was a little after midnight when I finally managed to nod off.

Monday, May 15, 2017
I awoke very tired after only four hours of sleep.  I uncharacteristically felt tired on my morning commute and struggled with staying awake.  I have a sore throat as well, which was rather uncomfortable.

My day was rather normal.  Nothing of interest  happened at work, excepting the shower my coworkers were having for me after school.  They had taken up a collection and were very generous!  When I got home, Kyle and I looked at everything that was left on our registry that we thought we needed and bought it!  It felt really good to have everything that we wanted/thought we needed for the baby when he comes!

Tuesday, May 16, 2017
I was able to sleep in a little today because we had a conference day.  Unfortunately, my body decided it wanted to sleep in more.  I showed up late.  Thankfully, nobody noticed.  I sat a little apart on the end in the back.  I couldn’t get comfortable.  Sitting was uncomfortable.  So was standing.  Then once an hour or so I had to use the restroom.  I was glad when it was over!

I fought sleep on the drive home.  When I got there, I went right to sleep.  I wonder if I’m getting sick or if I just need more sleep again for the baby to develop.  Even though I woke up for a little while, I was really out of it.  I went to bed for the night not long afterwards.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017
I had a relatively easy day at work today.  Wednesdays are usually relatively easy for me.  For  some reason, it seemed more difficult than usual.  I fought sleep on the way home and slept a lot when I got home.  I think I’m getting sick because my sore throat made a reappearance today.

Thursday, May 18, 2017
Today was a rough day at work.  It became apparent that my cold was getting worse.  I couldn’t stand for long because I became too light-headed.  My voice started cracking and got lower than usual.  By the time I went home, all I wanted to do was sleep again.  At least tomorrow is Friday.

Friday, May 19, 2017
I don’t think I mentioned this before, but my belly started feeling bigger and heavier all week.  I’m not sure if it’s because I know that we’re going to have a boy or I’m just tired and worn out from being sick and pregnant, but I feel this overwhelming urge to have this pregnancy be over so I can meet our baby.  It probably doesn’t help that when he has strong movements that an observer can actually see my belly bulge out a little in that spot!

I also had several coworkers tell me that they knew it was a boy.  The reasons they cited were everything from the fact that I was carrying heavy to the fact that my face was relatively unchanged to the fact that my belly wasn’t perfectly rounded.  My belly has never been perfectly rounded.  It’s always been an odd shape, even when I was thin and fit, so I expected that it would remain the same in pregnancy.  I always admired flat bellies and round bellies, but I have never had either.  Now that I’m pregnant, I don’t mind so much, so long as my belly adequately carries our little one until he’s healthy and ready to arrive.  But I wish that time would come already!

Pregnancy: Week 29

Saturday, May 6, 2017
We woke up early and drove to visit Zak and Danielle.  We knew that this was going to be our last big trip before the baby came.  We may attempt a trip or two that’s around 2 hours, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to handle another 5+ hour trip until after the baby comes.  They have a two and a half year old.  It was like looking into the future to see what we could expect.  They’re in the process of potty training him.  They also catered to what he would eat more than I would like to.  Actually, they spent a lot of time arguing over what was or was not okay for their kid.  They really didn’t seem to happy together and it looked like they had differing opinions about child-rearing.  I am grateful that even though Kyle and I have not been together for very long before this happened that we really do seem to be on the same page.  We’re both happy to be starting a family together and both very happy about my pregnancy.  I really can’t complain.  In fact, I really can’t see how I could have done any better!  I hope things continue to be as good for us as they have been!

We decided to go out to see a movie and invited Zak and Danielle.  Neither wanted to leave the other with the baby, which was understandable.  They both told us to enjoy the movie while we could, implying that it would be a long time before we could enjoy one after the baby arrives.  Maybe they’re right.  It just seemed like an odd thing to say.

Sunday, May 7, 2017
I spent the majority of the day driving.  It was nice to see Zak and Danielle, but I was ready to leave.  By the time we got home, we really didn’t have much energy to do anything.  I did manage to put together our rocking chair and sat in it for a little while before I went to bed.

Monday, May 8, 2017
I’m not sure what it is, but I really have been wanting to find out the sex of the baby.  Maybe it’s just that I’ve been feeling constant movement, but I still don’t really feel connected to it.  I feel like using the correct pronoun and a name would help.  We picked out names for both sexes, but I don’t want to use one only to find out that it’s the other.  For a number of weeks at the beginning I was using male pronouns, but was unsure if it was because that’s the sex of the baby or if it was just the typical go-to pronoun that our society uses when the sex of something is uncertain.  I would like a girl, but that’s just because that’s what I understand.  Both boys and girls (assuming that they’re gender-typical) come with their own types of challenges.  Either way, it’ll be a baby and I’ll be happy no matter what it is!

Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Today the clothes I work made it obvious to the parents that I was pregnant.  I had arrival duty.  It mostly consisted of watching the kids get off the busses and making sure that none of the parents came into the school with their child.  When the parents saw me, many of them looked at my belly and asked when my last day of school would be.  I told them that I would be there until the end.  They asked me, several, at different times if I was going to last that long.  I’m not due until the end of July, so this question took me aback.  After the first few, I just started telling people I guessed I was carrying really heavy and left it at that.   I even had a little girl ask me, “Are there two babies in there?”

It made me a little self-conscious, but after thinking about it, I supposed that being visibly pregnant wasn’t a bad thing.  Work went fine today with nothing out of the ordinary occurring.

Kyle and I went to the grocery store after work.  We were in an aisle and one lady told me how beautiful I looked.  Assuming she was talking to someone else, I looked around and realized we were the only ones in the aisle.  So I thanked her belatedly for her compliment.  She asked when I was due.  I told her.  She asked if I had twins.  I said no.  That’s when she said she didn’t believe me.  I started to get annoyed because apparently my pregnancy allows strangers to comment on my body.  No doubt if I was carrying lightly, I’d be getting comments too.  Well, for the most part, I like being pregnant, but I’m really starting to wish I knew what sex we’re going to be having.  I feel that using gender neutral terms like “it”, “baby”, and “the kid” are starting to get old and are preventing me from really forming a connection.  Plus it would help if I could actually call “the thing” by his or her real name!  Hopefully I’ll find out soon!

Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Today was supposed to be an easy day, but it didn’t feel that way.  I woke up so late that I knew I would arrive late to work.  I sent an e-mail and blamed the traffic.  I had to be at school about a half hour before my first class started anyway.

I guess the clothes I wore today made me look more pregnant than usual.  I had thought that the kids in my dance production would have spread the word around the school that I was pregnant, but not every class already knew.  I found myself explaining it a lot in classes today, which was fine.

Kyle wanted me to drive him to a hike after I got out of work, but he just couldn’t find the things he needed for it in time.  In truth, I was relieved.  I was too tired to put forth the added energy that I knew I’d need if I were going to be sociable with people.  Also, people tend to go out afterwards, so I knew that we wouldn’t get home in time for me to get a full 8 hours of sleep.  Instead, we just hung out, cuddled, and watched a movie together.  Sometimes those are the nicest nights!

Thursday, May 11, 2017
I awoke tired again today.  It seems like I’m never going to catch up on sleep!  It was nice to be able to go home after work today.  I had plans to clean out my car, but that didn’t happen.  My body must just be needing to rest because I went to sleep when I got home.  Either the baby is going through a growth spurt or I am.  My upper belly right under my breasts has been sore and I feel gravity pulling on my lower belly as well.  I’ve noticed that such things will bother me for a few days or a week at the most.  Then my body gets used to the change and I’m fine.  I just need to suck it up and deal with it for a few days and I’ll be fine!

Friday, May 12, 2017
I was extremely exhausted today.  I needed to buy some caffeinated soda just to be aware enough on the drive to work.  I dragged myself through the day, happy when it was over.  I had plans to get a few things done when I got home, but I just didn’t have the mental or physical energy.  I fell asleep when I got home and woke up long enough to pick Kyle up from work.

When he got home, he was talking about cleaning up the apartment to invite my sisters over after the shower.  I asked if that meant the shower was this weekend.  He seemed annoyed to have given it away.  I told him that I had suspected it for a long time since he was talking about doing something nice for my mom for Mother’s Day without wanting help or input from me.  He felt a bit better and was happy to not have to hide it from me anymore.  I’m very much looking forward to tomorrow so we can finally find out the sex of the baby!  It has been driving me crazy all week, so I guess it’s now time to know!

Pregnancy: Week 28

Week 28 – I tried to catch up on sleep this week, but failed.  I spent most of the time just trying to catch up on everything that I had put off last week with all of the rehearsals.  I hope to catch up on sleep soon.  I’ve been tired a lot, but at least the stress component is gone!  I have been busy, but hopefully there is an end in sight!

I also seem to be obviously pregnant to even the casual observer now.  I have had several parents ask me about my pregnancy.  Several asked if I was going to have twins.  Several commented about how it was going to be a big baby.  I had a few confidently tell me I wasn’t going to last until the end of the school year.  I finally got in the habit of telling people I was just carrying big before the comments started as I was starting to lose my patience.  Why does everyone feel the need to comment on the size of my belly!?

Pregnancy: Week 27

Saturday, April 22, 2017
I felt like I really haven’t had bunch of a spring break at all.  I took today and finished reading both of the pregnancy books I had.  They were the type that went through week by week, month by month, and gave an idea of what to expect and some ways to deal with common issues.  They ended with labor, what could be expected, and some common pregnancy medical issues — everything from a good diet to people who already had existing medical conditions.  It was informative, but I was happy to be done.  It took me longer than I expected, but I finished them by the end of the night.  It was nice to just lay around all day and do something similar to relaxing.

Sunday, April 23, 2017
I slept in today.  Even after I woke up, I really just took it easy all morning.  I had to go in to work because I had my dance performance coming up next week and I had to set up the sound and lighting equipment.  My school makes such a big deal about these things.  The lighting board somehow got un-programed.  Kyle and I stayed late trying to figure out how to program it.  I finally got too tired and just gave up for the night.  I got home and to sleep too late.

Monday, April 24, 2017
I was a little out of it today.  I was really stressed with the number of things I had to do.  I showed some lengthy documentaries in my older classes and assigned a report on them.  They should take at least a few classes worth of watching to finish them.  I got a lot of stuff done during those classes.  I have rehearsals all week for my dance production.  Today after the rehearsal, Kyle came and managed to program the lighting board.  We still left there too late for a good night’s sleep again.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017
It was difficult to get up this morning.  I barely made it to work on time.  I struggled to stay awake at work.  My back was also incredibly sore after rehearsal, even though I didn’t do any dancing, I just watched and organized the students as to when to go on and how.  After the rehearsal was over, I had to meet with the stage crew.  When that meeting was over, my principal had stayed late to talk to me. By the time I left, I was barely able to leave in time to get a full night’s sleep.  And of course, when I got home, Kyle had dinner waiting for me.  He is so sweet and supportive!

I was tired, stressed, and got very little sleep.  I wasn’t particularly worried about the dance production.  I was plagued by vivid dreams that were unsettling.  I was looking forward to getting this over so I could sleep.  I forced myself to stand longer and be more active than my body wanted to be and I could feel it taking its toll.

Of course I overbooked myself for today. I went somewhere else first in order to help out a friend.  Then I had my dance production.  It was hailed as the best yet and I was praised for how calm I kept throughout the whole thing.  Nobody realized that I wasn’t calm, I was just sleep-deprived!

Pregnancy: Week 26

Saturday, April 15, 2017
It was nice to be able to sleep in today, even though I didn’t sleep particularly late.  Everyone at Kyle’s mother’s house is a night owl, so I enjoyed a nice quiet couple of hours while I finished my latest knitting project.  When everyone got up, Kyle and I went to get his hair cut, ate lunch out, and bought some food to make dinner for his family.

We made a dinner that was a little too filling.  Then I forced myself to stay awake so I could hang out with Kyle and his mom and get to know her better.  The two of them drank and I forced myself to stay awake and act sociable.  Around midnight, I was too exhausted and went to bed.  I asked Kyle to take my shoes off and he noticed that one of my feet was blue.  It was cold, all the way up to my calf.  He rubbed it until color and warmth came back into it.  He said it was normal, but when I googled it later, I couldn’t find anything other than a mention of it on a few message boards.  And on the message boards, it always was accompanied by swelling.  Well, I have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, so I’ll ask about it then!

Sunday, April 16, 2017
I awoke late and groggy.  We had a breakfast brunch with Kyle’s parents, aunt, and cousin.  I enjoyed myself, but I was feeling very off, so I ended up spending most of the time they were there laying on the couch and contributing to the conversation as best as I could.

After they left, Kyle and I decided to take a nap.  I must have needed it more than I thought, because I didn’t even hear Kyle’s mom wake us up the first time for Easter dinner.  The second time, she managed to break through my muddled sleep.  I got up and ate with them, but we were very groggy.

Afterwards, we went to visit Zak and Danielle and two of Kyle’s friends.  We stayed later than I would have liked, but it was good getting to see and spend time with friends!

Monday, April 17, 2017
I had a dream last night.  I dreamed that I was visiting my dad in Florida.  We were swimming, but all of a sudden the temperature dropped and the wind picked up.  I looked out and you could see storm clouds on the horizon.  My step-mom mentioned the possibility of rain, but my dad and her got into a debate about it.  By the time we were on the beach picking up our stuff, the first drops had begun to fall.  We quickly ran off of the beach onto a raised concrete veranda of a nearby condo.  We watched as the water rose and quickly turned into gigantic waves, taking out houses and washing them away as we watched.  The waves got higher and higher and started making their way to the veranda we were standing on.  I felt the concrete of the building move under our feet and suggested we go further inland.

The next part of the dream was like something out of an action movie.  We ran in the lee of the condo where the water had not yet penetrated much, but the other side had a small river running.  There was a partially submerged house, so I ran and jumped on the roof.  I ran from roof to roof until we got to a place with dry pavement.  We continued to run until we thought we were safe enough inland.  We found another sturdily build condominium and ran up the stairs until we got about a third of the way up.  We picked a random door and pounded on it, asking for help and refuge.  The lady who lived there was kind and let us in.  She made us food.  We were sitting around the table with some other refugees when I felt a slight lurch in the building that suggested that the water caught up with us.  I looked out of the window and saw that the top section of the building was about to fall off.  I dove out of the window into the water.  I was lucky to miss the debris falling on top of me.  I swam around to the other side (that’s where the current was taking me anyway) and saw the section of the building containing my dad and step-mom splash into the water.  I could see the navy training my dad had hadn’t left him.  He quickly emerged from the water and quickly went back in for my step-mom.

We ran some more until I couldn’t breathe anymore.  Then we walked for a while so I could catch my breath.  Finally, we came upon an apartment building.  There was nobody home, so my dad broke into an apartment.  A few other refugees followed us.  We again sat down to some food when I realized that the water had yet again found us.  I told my dad that I just couldn’t run forever.  I decided to get to a dry section of land where I could call a cab and go to the airport.

Because I flew home a day earlier than I had intended and my phone’s charger had been left there, I had no way to contact Kyle to let him know that I was coming home.  I also knew that he had had a large party for all of our hiking friends the week before.  So now Tim, my gaslighting ex-husband, knew I was living there again and he had a key.  I didn’t want to go home to those circumstances.  I stopped by Zak and Danielle’s house, since they’re the kind of people who would welcome me no matter what time I stopped by.  However, their house was already full with guests.  I had to either sleep on a giant bean bag or the floor.  I tried, but couldn’t sleep.  I chatted with Danielle for a little bit, trying to get tired.  It turned out that Tim had moved nearby again.  He had also posted a picture to Facebook with all of my sex toys that he found while he was at my house for that party.  I hadn’t seen it because I had blocked him.  I decided sleep wasn’t going to happen, so Zak drove me to my house.  He parked down the street and checked the parking.  There were a number of cars there, but they could have belonged to the frat house next door.

We had just gone in the basement entrance, to start at the bottom and work our way up in our search for Tim.  There were two girls down there drinking.  Kyle walked downstairs completely naked with a dog on a leash.  He looked at me, completely startled to see me, and thanked the girls for their use of the dog.   I couldn’t imagine why he would be completely naked and wondered if he had cheated on me while I was gone.

That was the end of the dream.  I woke up feeling very emotional and rather suspicious of his fidelity.  I told him about the dream and he commented on the weirdness of my dreams.  I was in a bit of a dream-induced daze for the entire lengthy drive home.  As per the instructions of the internet, I stopped and got out and walked every hour.  It added an extra hour or two to my lengthy trip.

When we got home, my legs, feet, and ankles felt funny, so I took a bath.  Our bathtub isn’t huge, so I was really only able to fit my legs in below the water line.  When I got out, my thighs felt weirder, kind of tingly.  I asked Kyle and he said that my legs were swollen all the way up to my thighs.  He immediately made me lay down and raised my legs with pillows.   The problem was it hurt to lay on my back (and I believe I’m not supposed to at this point anyway.  I laid on my side and tried to raise my feet as high above my head as possible.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017
We went to my doctor’s appointment.  We had another gynecologist today.  We had tried to schedule appointments with all of them to ensure that we’d get to know all of the ones in the group before the birth.  We will be getting whoever is on call, so I wanted to at least know each of them a little bit ahead of time.  I liked this one.  I asked about the swelling and blue foot.  She said if it’s not a consistent problem, then we shouldn’t worry about it.  Everything was normal, including my blood pressure, urine, etc.  She mentioned that my free T4  was low (which was a thyroid number gotten at my last lab).

Afterwards, he had work and I just relaxed and watched movies for a little while.  I didn’t feel like I had the energy to do anything. I also figured with everything that had been going on, I should just take it easy.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017
I had an interview in the morning for another art teaching job.  It’s just too expensive where we live right now to live off of one income with a baby.  I thought it went well.  When I got home in the evening, I was asked to return for a second interview on Friday.  I would be teaching an art class in front of the interview committee.  This sort of thing is not uncommon in teaching, but I’ve never had the pleasure of doing it.  It will be tough to get together a good lesson plan with all of the criteria that they wanted to see in my lesson with less than two days in advance.  I will do my best, of course.

Thursday, April 20, 2017
I spent the day at work.  I had to come in to do some special work for the principal.  I tried to come up with a good lesson plan when I was free to think about it, but I really came up with nothing.  When I went to bed, I started to get worried.  I really couldn’t come up with anything good.  There were plenty of things I could teach and plenty of go-to lessons.  The problem was they asked for a lot of specific things that they wanted included in the lesson.  The one thing that really pissed me off was that they wanted Common Core stuff included in the lesson.  There is no Common Core for art.  So basically all they see my subject as is a supplement to the fucking “core” subjects.  Like art isn’t important enough on its own. Unfortunately, this is way too common these days.  I have a BS stock answer that I give when they ask how I implement Common Core in my classroom.  However, I don’t go out of my way to teach other subjects.  That’s the other teachers’ job.

Friday, April 21, 2017
I had my second interview today.  I taught a half hour lesson.  I looked at the reaction of the interview committee at the end, but none of their faces were terribly easy to read.  I thought it went really well.  I was told that I would be called sometime next week to be informed if I got the job or not.  I’m feeling pretty optimistic, though!

Pregnancy: Week 25

Saturday, April 8, 2017
I must have really needed some time off because I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything today.  I spent almost the entire day lying on the couch.  I felt bad because I had things I wanted to accomplish, but I couldn’t even force myself to do the simplest of tasks.

When it was time to go to bed, Kyle put his hand on my lower belly to feel the baby moving.   Not only did he feel it move, but we realized that the baby would move more to the sound of his voice!  It was really sweet and a really nice father moment for him.  I know fathers have a difficult time connecting to the baby before it’s born, so it was really nice to see.  To be honest, I’m having a difficult time connecting with the baby before it’s born and I can even feel it moving around inside of me!

Sunday, April 9, 2017
Because I spent yesterday doing next to nothing, I spent today trying to make up for it.  Unfortunately, I had managed to compile my to-do lists so that it would take close to a full day to complete the tasks on each.  As such, I completed Saturday’s tasks, but not today’s.

Monday, April 10, 2017
I felt like my weekend didn’t exist.  I did a lot of stuff, but I was just looking forward to the end of the week when my spring break started.  I wasn’t looking forward to the long trip Kyle and I were going to take to visit his mom, but it would have been nice to just have a break.  I like his mom well enough, but they don’t actually eat any meals other than dinner, so I end up spending more money than I’d like just to eat breakfast and lunch.

Work was tough because I spent most of the time trying not to fall asleep in my classes as the kids watched documentaries.

When we got home, Kyle and I were watching a movie trailer on his ipad when I felt the baby moving.  It had a classic rock song playing, so we decided to play a number of different songs to see how the baby would react.  It turned out that the baby liked my music better than his, but would always move around when the music had a good beat!  It was a lot of fun!  It also helped me to develop a connection with the baby other than getting annoyed with it for kicking me in the bladder!

Tuesday, April 11, 2017
I got a lot done today in preparation for my upcoming spring break.  The idea was to complete as much of my to-do list as possible so I didn’t have anything to worry about while I was on break.  I just had students watch documentaries while I worked on my computer.  I feel like I’ve been a bad art teacher lately considering that is all I have been having my classes to lately.  There are even some simple things I could have them do that doesn’t require much energy on my part, so they’re still making art, but I really haven’t been feeling up to it.

I was tired when I got home, but I still managed to push myself to make sure laundry got done.  When I was finished, however, I just went right to bed, exhausted.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Today was a rough day.  Several of the co-workers I’m closest to (I wouldn’t quite call them friends) were having a rough time.  One of them had to leave early for a wedding she was in, but our boss was giving her a hard time about it.  Another one had her husband coming home from a nursing home, so she needs to take care of him again and he pretty much gives her a hard time about everything.  Another one has been dealing with a sick mother and a broken finger.  Needless to say, most people I encountered were in a bad mood.

The students didn’t help matters.  They were antsy and didn’t want to listen.  When I got home, I was too exhausted to pack for our upcoming trip.  Instead, I just laid on the couch until bedtime.  Kyle was remarkably good about not nagging me to do the stuff I just didn’t have the energy to do.

Thursday, April 13, 2017
I was very much looking forward to getting work done with.  I only had three classes due to the half day.  I was very happy when they were over!  I had to stay late at work to finish up a few items on my to-do list that I didn’t want to carry over into my spring break and drove home.

When I got there, I was exhausted.  Kyle encouraged me to take a nap.  The nape didn’t help.  I was even more tired when I woke up.  After an hour, I dragged myself up and packed everything that I needed.  We left a little later than I would have liked and didn’t get to my middle sister’s house until close to 11.  When we got there, I was ready for sleep, so she just got us some blankets and let us get to sleep.

Friday, April 14, 2017
Kyle and I had slept very poorly the night before.  While my sister’s couch was comfortable enough, it was difficult to roll over to switch positions whenever one side hurt.  I woke up at one point to see Kyle lying on the floor next to me.  He later explained that while the recliner was comfortable, he was too far away from me, which I thought was rather sweet.

We spent the morning playing mini-golf with my sister. Thankfully, she won both rounds.  She’s such a sore loser, that it almost makes it worth it to let her win.  I never do, because I’m so competitive, but still, she would have been a pain in the ass if she hadn’t.  We went for massages next because both me and Kyle were really sore.  Kyle had never had a professional massage before.  He greatly enjoyed it.  We went back to my sister’s house, played with her dog, played a board game, and ate lunch.  Then she had to go to work and we had to drive to Kyle’s mother’s house.

Our trip was boring and uneventful, but I was still very worn out by the time we got there.  I hugged his mom and did my best to make small talk with her and Kyle’s step-dad.  I went to bed early and Kyle stayed up drinking with them.  I know he had been wanting to drink for awhile, but had nobody to drink with since I couldn’t drink.  I always had a bad feeling about him drinking.  A lot of his family are alcoholics, so maybe that’s all it is.  Nothing bad had happened other than him coming in and waking me up at about 3am and talking for hours about what he had discussed with his mom and step-dad.

Pregnancy: Week 24

Saturday, April 1, 2017
I guess my nesting instinct was alive and well. I continued to finish straightening up and arrange the nook of our bedroom where are keeping the baby stuff. Kyle wasn’t feeling well, so he called in to work. We mostly just hung out in the evening, compiled a food shopping list, and watched movies as I napped intermittently

Sunday, April 2, 2017
I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. I applied for a few jobs, but really didn’t feel up to doing any kind of fancy applications, even though there were a few of them.

The hospital I will be delivering at finally had an opening to do a tour. We saw the labor room and I got to ask some questions that I had. Many of my coworkers had delivered there and said so many good things about it that I had really expected something exceptional. To be honest, it looked like a hospital. There was nothing terribly exceptional about it, but at least we got it done! We now know our way around there and how to get there, which was important.

We ran a few errands afterwards, but I started to not feel well and got tired so we went home before completing the grocery shopping. I tried to go to bed early, but only succeeded in going to bed earlier than on previous nights.

Monday, April 3, 2017
I spent most of the day driving. I drove to my job interview and then drove back. The interview seemed to go quite well. I thought that it was a good sign that they asked about any other interviews I had. Even so, I thought it was a bit odd that they asked where else I had applied. Another thing that was odd was that when one of the interviewers came to get me, she took one look at me, said, “You’re pregnant! Did you tell us that on the phone?” I had not, and as far as I know, the interviewer asking any questions about pregnancy during an interview is illegal.

As I drove back, my cold started feeling worse and I got more progressively tired. I had planned to do some food shopping when I got home, but all that happened was I went home and went to sleep.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017
I slept horribly last night. I kept waking up needing to blow my nose. I apparently hit the snooze on my alarm clock for over two hours this morning. When I finally woke up enough to even be cognizant enough to realize what was going on, I noticed that it was already light outside. I had about 15 minutes to leave or I would be late for work.

I felt horrible, but I had to go in to work today. I needed to save my sick days for interviews. I had my students watching art videos again. I felt like I should teach them, but felt so crappy, that’s all I really could do. I could have fallen asleep at any point in time today.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017
I woke up late today. It was about 30 minutes after I usually would have left for work. I arrived with only a few minutes to spare. I was so tired and out of it, I really didn’t get a whole lot of work done.

My cold was starting to feel better, but I was so tired I almost fell asleep I a few of my classes while they were watching art documentaries. I think I am finally getting used to my size though.

It’s interesting. I spent my first trimester with no energy, waiting for the nausea to end and waiting for the day when I had a significantly reduced chance of miscarriage. My second trimester was full of announcements. I spent my time waiting for the first feeling of movement. Once that happened, I waited for the third trimester. That way, even if the baby were born early, it would still have a good chance of living. I wonder what my third trimester will bring. Will I just spend it watching myself grow bigger, waiting for the day the baby is ready to arrive?

Thursday, April 6, 2017
I woke up at 2:30am to use the bathroom, but I never got back to sleep. Work was thankfully easy due to an assembly for two of my classes and two others were on a field trip. I still had a difficult time focusing. I’m not typically one to have my sleep schedule disrupted.   I’ve always been a good sleeper and have been making sleep a priority in my life. This week has been particularly tough. I hope it won’t last.

The acid in my throat returned today. It was uncomfortable and I couldn’t get it to go away. Tums stopped working a few weeks ago. I suppose it was my own fault for eating a breakfast of bagels and orange juice. I will really need to amend my diet to accommodate for this new development. It really seems like that as soon as I learn to deal with another uncomfortable aspect of pregnancy, another one comes to take its place.

Friday, April 7, 2017
I woke up about 15 minutes after I usually leave for work again. I don’t understand why I keep sleeping so late. I have been going to bed on time too. I wanted nothing more than for the work day to be over. Of course, in the irony that is life, it was rather long and the students were poorly behaved and wouldn’t focus.

When I got home, I don’t even remember what I spent my time doing. I fell asleep quite early watching a movie. Kyle woke me up around 11 to make me take my pre-natal vitamins and go to bed. I was just so happy to be able to sleep!