Kyle is now officially moved in. It took a significant amount of money for gas, tolls, and food to drive to where he lives and pick up his belongings. I also discovered that I have a weakness for buying him things. It certainly has been an adjustment. It’s not just that he goes to bed significantly later than I do. I think the majority of people go to bed later than I do. It’s also that I’m having difficulties sharing my space. The first week after he moved in, the apartment was a disaster area. He just left his boxes of things wherever he dropped them when we first brought his things inside and didn’t touch them all week, despite the fact that he didn’t have to work until last Saturday. I spent the majority of last weekend working with him to try and find homes for his things. We rearranged the living room. I finished cleaning out a closet for him. I organized some of my own things that needed to be organized. I tried to keep his preferences in mind and we compromised on many things, but there were a few things I wouldn’t budge on either. Thankfully, we weren’t stubborn on the same issues, so we ended up doing okay.
I’m finally starting to catch up at work and I’m feeling less stressed. It’s also nice that the apartment is relatively clean. The one thing that I don’t understand is that even though the two of us now work together to get stuff done, I still feel like I don’t have enough time to do the things that I want to do. Well, not all of them, anyway. I still make time to spend time with him almost daily, but I’m woefully behind on my blog.
I am also having problems with my temperament. I’m not sure why, but I find that I’m snapping at Kyle almost daily. I feel badly, but nonetheless, I find myself doing it again. I also haven’t been getting enough sleep. He seems to have this weird idea that I need to be in bed by 9:00, but it’s really ideal for me to be asleep by 8:00. It is nice of him to lay down with me until I fall asleep, then he leaves the bedroom and does his own thing.
I am also extremely short on money. I get paid every two weeks and I was paid on November 1st. That money paid for my car insurance, rent, food, and gas money. I literally had nothing left over. Even so, we have had to be extremely careful as to what to buy. I think the lack of money has made me moody as well. I’m not used to having to watch what I spend so closely. He also doesn’t seem to understand why he can’t buy chocolate milk or whatever other frivolous junk food he wants. We managed to get our grocery bill just under $80 for two weeks. But every so often it’s like he doesn’t understand how short on money we are.
It seems like I’m just writing about the negative aspects of Kyle moving in. Of course there are many good things about him. He has been doing dishes, cleaning up after my cats, and cooking dinner most nights of the week. He is a good cook and actually enjoys cooking. For me, cooking is just a means to an end, so I’m happy he enjoys it!
I’ve been sleeping in lately. It’s not like I can afford to take the train until I get paid again anyway. I miss taking the train. It’s not just that I like having the extra time to do stuff. I also like the exercise and think it does something positive for me, though it’s difficult to determine what. The one thing that surprised me about taking the train wasn’t seeing Juan, but wanting to see Diego. I discovered that I miss him. I don’t miss the fact that he was practically obsessed with sex to the detriment of our relationship, but I do miss many things about him. I get the urge to talk in Spanish sometimes, but realize nobody around me would understand. I wonder how he’s doing, if he’s okay. I miss the fun times we had just hanging out together on the train. I don’t want to date him and I have no desire to dump Kyle, but I really do miss Diego. Maybe all of the unkind things he said after I broke up with him have faded in my memory and all of the good things have returned. I also don’t think his culture looks kindly on men being friends with women either. It’s probably just a pipe dream. I switched train stations because I realized that there was one closer to me that also had cheaper parking. Nonetheless, I am sometimes tempted to go back to Diego’s station just to see if he’s there and he’s okay. Maybe they deported him. Maybe he did something stupid and got in trouble with the law. I’m worried about him. Is that normal?
I have also been struggling with depression, but it has presented in yet another way. I have been waking up shaking again. Whenever this happens, it takes a lot of willpower to get myself out of bed in the morning. I also find myself feeling quite depressed and overemotional for a few hours. After that time is up, I feel better and can at least pretend some semblance of happiness when teaching my students. Then, in the evening, it returns, either as depression or as being moody, temperamental, and bitchy.
I’ve decided to do the NaNoRiMo project, but not with a novel. I can’t write from my imagination, so I have decided that I’m going to try and write that much in my blogs daily. This is not my only blog, of course, so hopefully between those I can manage to write the minimum amount. I have also been writing in this blog very sporadically. For the first year, my blog had a sense of purpose. When I started writing in it again, I really just wanted to have a place to vent my feelings and discuss aspects of my life that I really don’t feel like I can discuss with anyone else in my life.