Today was my first day back. It was a professional development day, but it seemed like nothing went right. I got a lot done in the morning, but that was due to deciding to drive to work instead of taking the train. As such, I had more time to do things. It seemed like nothing went right. I gave myself an hour to get to work for a trip that usually took 40 minutes. It took over an hour and a half today.
Then there were problems with my new classroom which would prevent me from teaching, but my assistant principal didn’t act like they mattered. In fact, she brushed off the problems as unnecessary. I think she’s one of those administrators that really doesn’t think art is important. I’ve learned long ago that most teachers feel that way. Most of them at the elementary level see it as a time for them to get a break from teaching to prepare for their lessons. It’s worse when it’s obvious that an administrator doesn’t value your job. Then I made the mistake of complaining to a coworker about it. What’s worse, she was just around the corner and she overheard me complaining. Then she basically told me that I’m going to be helping out with another after school club, without being told if or what I would be paid for it. I’m sick of being pushed around. If I’m not getting paid, I’m not doing it.
The professional development in and of itself was useless to me. But, that’s typical of these types of days. Many of the other teachers got good things out of it, so I shouldn’t begrudge them that, I suppose. One of my coworkers who is almost 10 years younger than me is married and pregnant. I was jealous. She seems to have her life together so much and I really don’t feel like I do. What does it even mean to have your life “together”? What would I have to do differently in my life to feel “together”? Maybe I’d have to stop living the emotional roller coaster that I live on. How would I even begin to tackle that problem? Oh, yeah, that’s what the original purpose of this blog is about! Well, it did help some, but I’m not perfect. But I’ll never be perfect because I’m human. How close to perfect would I have to be before I consider myself to “have it together”? Or would I just be married, have kids, a stable job, and a house of my own? If I had those things and still was unstable emotionally, would I consider myself “having it together”? Some interesting questions to ask myself, I suppose.
When I got home, I was exhausted. I laid in bed watching Netflix for a few hours, chatting with Kyle, until I went to sleep around 8:30.