Sunday September 11, 2016


I awoke in bad spirits today. I wasn’t even able to drag myself out of bed until about 11am. I went to a café for “breakfast” and picked up something to eat. On my way there, my friend Charlotte called and needed a ride today. I told her I would give her one if she couldn’t find anyone else because it would make us both late. She couldn’t find anyone else, so I stopped by her apartment to pick her up. Of course she wasn’t ready and waiting. It worked out because I had to go to the bathroom anyway. While I was there, I had to pull down my swimsuit to use the toilet. I looked in the mirror and my aereolas were HUGE! Could I be pregnant? That was the only think I could think of that did that.

We ended up about a half hour late to meet our friends at the beach. I didn’t swim much because I had to keep my hat on to cover my shoulders, but I at least stood in the water and hung out with everyone.   My birthday is coming up, so some of them had gotten me presents. I got a “self-care” deck of cards, a canvas bag, and a bar of soap. Christine, whose birthday was also around mine, got something similar. However, instead of the self-care deck, she got something that I wouldn’t have wanted (though I can’t remember what it was).

We all brought food, but my stomach was bothering me too much to eat much of it. I wondered if maybe I’m gluten sensitive or something, because my breakfast did not agree with me.

I didn’t realize how long we spent at the beach, but it was close to four hours! We had a lot of fun and it was good for me to get out and relax. On the way home, Kyle messaged me. He had been having a hard time lately. He was apparently extremely horny and it would hit at random times. He wanted to confide in me, but I initially just overreacted and thought he was wanting permission to cheat on me or something. He apparently had also cheated on almost everyone he dated. My heart started to hurt. I had thought better than that of him. This was not the person who I thought I had signed up to date. I stopped at a gas station to use the bathroom and saw a tiny amount of menstrual blood on the toilet paper, decided that meant I wasn’t pregnant, and picked up a pack of cigarettes to help ease the pain in my heart. When I got back in the car, I started messaging him again when my phone died. I smoked two cigarettes on the way home and realized that he was just trying to be honest with me and I overreacted on him.

As soon as I had access to my laptop, I apologized, told him that my phone had died, and tried to be as helpful as possible for his predicament. The fact that he was confiding all of this in me meant that he didn’t want to cheat on me and that he wanted to be open and honest with me, a quality I value. We ended our chat in the evening with cyber sex. I hoped that would help tide him over until I see him again. If not, I’d miss him. I don’t stay with cheaters, though I didn’t tell him that. I’m not sure why.


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