Friday August 19, 2016

I woke up depressed this morning.  I noticed that whenever I wake up depressed, I also wake up shaking.  I wonder if the two are related. I spent as much energy as I could muster cleaning my apartment.  I moved my futon and swept and mopped underneath it.  It had been awhile and it needed to be done. That was really all I had the energy to do.  My apartment looked decent-ish.

Jeff came over.  It was supposed to be to talk about some business stuff and for a massage.  I had asked Kyle if he was okay with it and he said he was okay with whatever level of massage I was comfortable with.  I decided we’d keep our clothes on.  Jeff and I talked about the business stuff and he made to leave.  I asked him how bad my apartment smelled.  He said it was pretty bad.  I asked him if he would stay long enough to help me identify the location of the odor.  A few weeks ago when visiting Kyle, the door to my bathroom, the room where the cat litter is, got closed while I was away.  It’s clear the cats peed somewhere else, but my nose is used to the scent, so I couldn’t find it.  He stated that it was not coming from the bathroom, where the litter is actually kept.  He stated that the smell was less in the kitchen and nonexsistent in the bedroom.   That helped narrow things down a bit.

After he left, I really didn’t have the energy to do much else.  I took a nap.  When I woke up, I remembered that I was meeting some friends.  They were having a fire in the woods and we were going to cook over it.  I was looking forward to it.  As I drove there, I started feeling nauseous again.  The feeling didn’t go away when I got there.  The cooking smells magnified it.  It seemed like they were a bit distracted with everything that was going on, so I just kept to myself.  Whenever I was offered food, I turned them down.  Someone had brought cheese and crackers, so I managed to eat a few crackers.  That’s all I really trusted my stomach to handle.  Finally, someone said something about my keeping to myself and not eating.  I apologized and told them that I started getting nauseous  on my way there and that this was the second night in a row.  They suggested that I might be pregnant.  It was possible, but if I was, it would be a bit early in the pregnancy for nausea.  They all recommended that I take the test.

When I got home, I told Kyle.  He agreed that I should take the test tomorrow morning.  I happened to have an extra test in my bathroom cabinet from my last pregnancy scare.  I went to sleep, hoping but not hoping that I was pregnant.

Money – I spent $8 on fast food

Relationships – yes

Meditation – yes

Mood – mildly depressed


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