Sunday July 24, 2016

I awoke with my alarm. I had purposely woke up early so I could do my laundry before the heat of the day hit. None of the laundromats in my town have air conditioning. I did my laundry, ran a few errands, and drove home. By the time I got home, I was very tired. I had less than 4 hours of sleep the night before due to my extended conversation with Kyle. I took a nap. I woke up two hours later, packed, and started my drive.

It was an uneventful trip and I arrived at the motel around 6:00. Kyle didn’t get out of work until 9:30. I unpacked my things and took another nap. I awoke with my alarm again and was really groggy. I did my best to wake myself up before driving.

I arrived and received the best possible greeting that I could from him. I saw his face watching for me outside the window. As soon as I got inside his house, he enfolded me in his arms and gave me a deep long kiss. That was not something he had done before and I quite liked it. While he got his things, I chatted with his mother who seemed apologetic about not letting me stay there.

When we got back to the hotel room, we cuddled and talked for a long time. Before we had sex, he kept talking about being “on the precipice”, which was clearly a metaphor for falling in love with me. He talked about being infatuated with me. That’s not how I felt about him and I was concerned because typically the word “infatuated” is associated with a mild obsession and is also a short-lived relationship. That’s not what I wanted from him or hoped from him. He stated that wasn’t that he meant and that it just meant that he thought about me all the time, which was nice. I also felt like I loved him, but not the early-in-the-relationship feelings of love. It was almost the kind of love one feels for a long-time friends, but he’s not my friend. I know it sounds weird, but there are so many feelings that I have been unable to explain lately.

Kyle also talked about worrying about something that he felt like we were going to say when we had sex. He said it had something to do with the “precipice”. He also said it was too early to say it. I suspected that he was going to say “I love you”, but we made it through some very good sex without it happening, so it worked out. I would have replied in kind, but I’m not sure I quite meant it. I fell asleep in his arms.

Relationships – yes

Meditation – yes

Mood – great

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