Sunday July 17, 2016

I did not awake in Kyle’s arms.  It got so hot during the night and we shifted so many times that eventually, I just slept on my side of the bed.  I woke up on my own around 5:30.  I got up to go to the bathroom, took the diaphragm out, and took my morning pills.  I must have woken Kyle up with my movement because he reached for his phone, where he had set his alarm, and it was dead.  I found mine and saw that it was four minutes to 6:00.  He indicated that I should join him in bed for cuddling, so I did.  We kissed a few times and then we both realized that we wanted sex.  So we had some more good sex until it was 6:30 when he had to get up, shower, and get ready to go to work.  I had initially planned to leave when he left for work, but I wanted to see him more.  I told him I’d drop him off of work, do my laundry (which needed to be done anyway), and then pick him up again.

Something I don’t think that I’ve mentioned before is that Kyle, while still living in the same state as me, lived in a very poor section of it.  There wasn’t much in the way of work and real estate was significantly cheaper.  You could get by there making less money, but that’s only because there was no good way to make good money.  A teacher’s salary there, while close to $20,000 less a year than I make now, is considered upper middle class.  Where I live, what I make, is enough to get my.  And, if I’m very careful, in a few years will be able to save up enough money to maybe buy the cheapest of places.  An apartment the size of mine, would literally be rented for half the price that I pay.  Kyle lives in a “city”, but to me, there’s nothing city-like about it.  I googled a laundromat and only came up with one result.  I drove there, saw it opened at 8:00, and went to get a cup of coffee.  I waited an hour and returned, only to see the sign that stated that it was closed on Sundays.  I stayed in the parking lot, using their wifi and trying to figure out what to do.  I looked up the laundromat in the next town over, about a 25 minute drive.  I decided to call them because it seemed kind of pointless to drive there only to find out that they were closed on a Sunday too.  There was no answer.  I tried to do another google search and again came up with nothing.  I was disappointed but I’d have to leave not long after I picked up Kyle from work.  It was a few minutes past 9:00 when I decided to try calling the other store again.  Maybe they opened at 9:00.  Then I heard someone knocking on my window.  It was someone who lived near the laundromat.  I told them my story and they told me where I could find another laundromat.  They could only tell me the street that it was on and really didn’t give great directions, so it took me a little while before I could find it, but I was grateful that I did.  I did my laundry and it cost about 1/3 of the price they charge me where I live.

I was just folding my laundry when I checked my phone. I had a message from Kyle. He “collapsed” at work and someone drove him home. I figured he forgot his ankle brace and it had become a problem. When I showed up, I saw Kyle’s dad on the deck having a cigarette. I didn’t see any sign of Kyle, so I said hello and he told me to come around the back to get in the house. I went around the back and he told me to use my influence over Kyle to make him work harder. He thought Kyle should have pushed through the pain and finished out his shift, of which he only had an hour to go. I was inclined to agree with his assessment. Then he started talking about how he works all day at work and then comes home and works all day at home. Then he drinks to deal with the pain from overdoing it. I kept my thoughts to myself, but thought that was no life I would want. Yes, work needs to be done to get money. And yes, some things need to be done at home too, but so does fun and relaxation. He complained that Kyle just comes home and plays video games. He said he’s tried to talk to him, but that Kyle thinks he’s being yelled at and it doesn’t get through. I suggested changing his method. I told him if Kyle is anything like me, that a kind grateful word would do a lot more good than anything else. I also told him that he beats up on himself so he doesn’t need it from anyone else. I told him they both want the same thing, for Kyle to be living on his own and have a job that allows him to do that. Then Kyle’s dad took a different stance. He asked me how I would react if Kyle moved in with me and then wouldn’t even look for work, wouldn’t do anything around the house, etc. How would I react? It never occurred to me that he’d do that, but his father said he did that with his last girlfriend. I also told him that Kyle would never move in with me. I refused to tell him why and suggested that he ask Kyle about that one. I also insisted to his father that he was really barking up the wrong tree and that I didn’t have the kind of influence that he thinks that I have. He asked about our relationship. I told him that we were only kinda dating and that we weren’t even exclusive. I finally managed to break off the conversation/lecture, because I wanted to see how Kyle was doing. His dad stopped me again, told me that he liked me, that he didn’t want me to be hurt by Kyle, and that he never liked Kyle’s last girlfriend. He also hugged me, which was awkward.

I went into Kyle’s room where it looked like he was asleep. I climbed into bed and put my arm around him. He opened his eyes. He apparently had a seizure at work. I know he gets them occasionally, but I was worried about him. He said it was just a little one, but they still sent him home. He didn’t have the option to stay. He asked what his father had said, so I imparted the bulk of the conversation to him. Kyle wasn’t happy, obviously. I tried to explain that his father just wants the same thing for him that he wants for himself. I also said that people see the world how they see it. Many people can’t understand how others see it. So he is just doing the things that would work for him, having no clue that it wouldn’t work for Kyle. Kyle started to shake. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to hold back another seizure or if he was just angry with his father. He got up to go to the bathroom and was gone for longer than I expected. I heard yelling, so I stayed in his room. He was shaking even more when he returned. I asked him if he wanted me to go, but he told me to stay because my presence calmed him. So I stayed there holding him for hours. I had intended to go home significantly sooner. Eventually, our conversation turned towards sex. We ended up having sex again. I ended up on top because he didn’t have the energy for anything else, but I didn’t mind. I greatly enjoyed it. He helped me take my things to the car. He gave me a hug and a kiss. Then came back for another hug and a kiss. Then I left to make the lengthy trip home.

Five and a half hours became closer to six with all of the traffic. I was starting to get tired as well. When I got home, I managed to scoop the cat litter and laid in bed. I thought about my day, a little shaken by the possibility that if Kyle ever moved in with me that he’d not work. Even so, I still liked him and still enjoyed the time I spent with him. I drifted off to sleep.

Relationships – yes

Meditation – no

Mood – good


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