Monday July 18, 2016

I awoke early, got the necessary packing, preparing the cats, watering the plants, etc. done. I went and got an oil change, then I drove to the next state over to visit some friends. It took a little over 4 hours to get there. I lived there for about a year 12 years ago. Somehow, I had made two friends that year and they both invited me to come out. I hadn’t seen Brianne in 12 years, but she invited me to stay at her house in her guest room. When I met her, she had no kids. Now she had three. When I first saw her, I didn’t recognize her. She seemed a shadow of her former self. She was extremely pale, her hair had thinned out, and it was a drab color. Her personality also seemed to have thinned out. She asked me some questions about my divorce, but mostly talked about herself and her life. I asked leading questions to keep her talking, but I wasn’t particularly interested.

We watched movies in their family room. I was shocked that we really heard absolutely nothing from her kids while Brianne, Brianne’s husband, and I watched movies. About halfway through the day, Kyle messaged me. He had a gran mal seizure not long after I left yesterday. He messed up his hip and bit through his tongue pretty good. There’s a pile of blood on the floor where he was lying. I was worried about him. His mom gave him crap for spending the entire time in his room while I was there. She also said she didn’t want me coming over when everyone was working. She had probably come to the same conclusion that I did since he has now had a seizure twice after I left him. So even though Kyle wants to see me again before the big camping/hiking trip, it may not end up happening.

Then I noticed Kyle was not acting nearly the same way towards me, at least on messanger. He wasn’t terribly chatty and he wasn’t terribly affectionate when he was. It turned out that his seizure had caused him to forget the things from the last day or so. He wasn’t nearly as clear on his feelings towards me as he was the day before when he said he was worried he was falling for me too quickly. I was very sad. I tried not to let it show. Brianne kept falling asleep during the movie anyway. We talked a bit more about the exclusivity thing. He said he wanted me to have a chance to be single at the camping/hiking event because it’s a good place to get laid. I told him I had been single there for a few years in a row and that I’m not likely to hook up with anyone I haven’t already hooked up with before. I also needed three things from him before I would agree to an exclusive relationship with him. I needed to know he was 100% over his ex. I needed his feelings for me to be the kind that would not disappear with a seizure, and I needed an end date to the long distance portion of our relationship. I was very disappointed with the fact that his seizure could cause him to lose some of his feelings for me.

I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie with Brianne. Then I woke up and went to bed.

Relationship – yes

Meditation – yes

Mood – varied but kinda down


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