Tuesday July 12, 2016

I awoke early, but hung out in bed for awhile.  I was surprisingly pleased to find that I actually possessed some semblance of motivation.  I straightened up my apartment, ate breakfast, and paid my bills.  Then I left to run several errands.  I had to take care of some traffic tickets, discovered that they were due tomorrow, and rushed to the post office to try and send it off for overnight delivery.  I continued my errands, responding to various messages from guys from the dating sites. I was still intermittently talking with maybe 8 guys.  One of them, who had mentioned that he was only looking for friends, mentioned that he happened to be running an errand in the same city I was in.  Quite nearby, in fact.

We decided, on the spur of the moment, to meet.  I tried contacting Rachel so she could call me just in case, but she wasn’t responding.  Kyle, however, was available.  He offered to call.  Well, I got there and he ended up being a short, Hispanic man.  After Diego, I had had my fill of Hispanic men for awhile.  It didn’t help that this guy walked right up to me and leaned upwards to kiss my cheek.  Then this guy told me he had a wife and kids. Due to my experience with Juan, I knew what being “just friends” when a guy was married with kids meant in the Hispanic male culture. I was very grateful to Kyle for calling me when he did!  I responded to whatever inquiry he made with “I’ll be right there!”  I told the guy something had come up and I had to get going.  I apologized profusely.

I got into a conversation with Kyle about me making friends.  Apparently I appear standoffish at first.  That much be my defense mechanism when I’m feeling awkward.  He told me I should try a customer service job where you have to be nice to people no matter what.  I had done customer service a lot in the past.  And nothing is more like that than teaching.  No matter how I’m feeling, I have to put my best face on towards my students.  Why can’t I do that with the hiking people?

I ran some more errands and bought some plants.  I had finally gotten permission from my landlord to start a garden.  It was a little late in the season, but thankfully, some decently sized plants were still able to be purchased.  I got several hardy vegetables including several types of squash.  I also bought a few flowers.  I started on the garden and was surprised that I had worked for two hours without realizing it.  I wanted to stay and finish, but I had made plans for another evening hike.

I got to the trail-head and was friendly towards everyone.  Jeff, my former massage/fuck buddy was there.  He mentioned that he’d like to find a time to get together, but that his wife had been checking his texts lately and that I had to reply in innocuous ways when he texted me.  It was none of my business.  He was still going with the (I’m assuming it’s a) lie that his wife said he could sleep with other people and that she just didn’t wanna know about it.  Checking his texts would indicate otherwise, but I wasn’t attached to Jeff, I didn’t know his wife, and I could always claim that I did believe what he told me (which I did at first).  But the damage was already done, I had already slept with him.  But then again, I don’t recall enjoying it that much.  Well, I honestly didn’t expect it to happen anyway, so whatever.

We started our hike and about 15 minutes in, I stepped in a hole and turned my ankle.  I could not complete the hike.  I said goodbye and hobbled back to my car.  I drove home, feeling angry and disappointed.  When I got there, I tried to finish my garden, but had ran out of soil (it’s a raised bed garden).

Kyle messaged me, angry.  He had to move in with his parents temporarily after his last breakup.  They still treat him like a child and a hired servant all at once and he was sick of it.  He complained of several other things which were, in my opinion, smaller in comparison.  I told him some of the things that would help me in that situation.  Not surprisingly they helped him.  It still boggles my mind how much we think alike.  I was also pleased to be his confidant.  His mood turned right around and he was suddenly happy.  Was this because of me?  I shouldn’t get my hopes up on that score.  I went to bed not long afterwards.


Relationships – yes

Meditation – yes

Mood – good

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