I slept a full night’s sleep and still awoke groggy. I got my morning text from Carl, “Morning sexy.” I just responded with “Morning.” He asked how I was and I told him I was tired and groggy. Truth was, I was sick of being disappointed by him. I wanted to stop the hurt. I had decided to withdraw a bit from him. Of course, that didn’t last very long. I responded quickly whenever he responded to me afterwards.
I chatted on and off with Kyle throughout the day. I was depressed. I wanted to see Carl and I still didn’t know if or when it was going to happen. Maybe he didn’t want it to happen. I couldn’t imagine why he’d keep me going though. I talked to Kyle and he told me to not focus or dwell on thoughts of Carl. When Kyle went to work, I put on some of my favorite music and decided to clean my apartment. By the time I went to bed, my apartment, while not perfect, was considerably better looking and smelling. Honestly, a good dusting and a good vacuuming and it would be ready for company.
I heard from Carl later in the evening. Something that he was hoping for had fallen through, but he said he would be happy to have more time. I took it as he would have more time to spend with me, but maybe it wasn’t intended that way. I tried to text him back and it failed. Just like last Friday.
I talked to Kyle until quite late. We discussed how things went when we had hooked up the other day. We talked about some of the sexual things we could do when I came up to visit my other friend next week. I fell asleep in the middle of the conversation.
Relationships – no
Meditation – no
Mood – varied