Wednesday June 29, 2016

I wasn’t sure at what point I should end my last entry and begin this one since I never went to sleep.  I decided to start this one after I dropped Kyle off at home.  I went straight to Zak’s house, feeling like the start of a second wind.  I told him that I was tired and that was true.  He was hanging out with his two-year-old.  I nodded off to sleep more than once.

Zak didn’t seem like himself.  His hug when he greeted me seemed genuine enough.  However, he seemed to no longer have any interest in my life.  I told him several things that I expected him to question me more closely about. Only he didn’t.  I counted him as probably my best friend and it was odd to see him so altered.  I took a photo of him where he didn’t look like himself.  I was too tired to really articulate it.  Then I heard him use a term that I had heard my ex-husband use.  It surprised me that it hurt.  It made me wonder what had happened to my friend and who the man was that had replaced him.  Maybe it was just fatherhood.  I don’t know.  When he had to leave for work his hug was full of warmth and affection, as always.

Zak’s wife, Danielle, had come home not long before he had.  She treated me with a bit of coldness when I briefly saw her the day before when we met to go hiking.  It was the same again.  However, I stayed to chat anyway.  I spent some time making conversation and distracting her two-year-old while she pumped milk.  I asked if there was anything I could do for her, but she declined.  That’s her way though.  She always places so much stress upon herself because she refuses to ask for or accept help.  So I did the best thing I thought to do, which was to distract and play with her son while she did some work around.  She also vented a bit about her husband.  I stayed for an hour or so and she fed me lunch.  I realized it was the first thing I had to eat since the night before and was grateful, simple as it was.  After finally departing, I hugged her goodbye and was surprised by her offering for me to stay on their couch when I came back into town again.  I had received a traffic ticket the day before, so I knew I would have to return for court.  I was surprised at the turnaround and thanked her.

I drove home.  What was originally a 5 hour drive ended up becoming an 8 hour drive because I had to stop several times to take a nap.  Eventually, I came home and went right to sleep.

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