Tuesday June 28, 2016

I set my alarm, but awoke on my own a little while before it went off.  I got up, heated up my breakfast (I brought my own food with Andie’s warning that she didn’t have much in the way of cookware), did my morning workout (it was leg day and I had to stop halfway though because my back couldn’t handle the deadlifts), and left to go meet Steve.  On my way out, I noticed that Andie slept on the one cleared couch and her 6-year-old daughter slept on the floor.  I hoped it wasn’t to offer me a guest room, but the blankets and pillows were already there when I had arrived making me think it was where they usually slept.

I wasn’t sure what he had intended to do, but it had been about a year and a half since I had seen him last.  I made sure to tell him right away that I didn’t think I was going to hook up with anybody while I was visiting.  That I felt too guilty about Carl, especially given some of the things that he said to me on the phone the day before.  Even though we were weren’t officially anything, I still felt like it was somehow cheating on him.  I told him all about Carl and he kindly listened to me go on about him.  I felt bad because I talked most of the time, but he had very little that was new to impart.  He was in a point in his life where he was waiting.  He had to have some medical procedures done and then he was going to be moving to a  place where he could be who he wanted to be, not stuck behind the mask he felt obliged to show the world at present.  I felt for him, but at least he knew when his wait would be over.

I returned to Andie’s house.  She was gone on a date and she took her daughter along.  She told me they likely wouldn’t be back until 2am.  I met some friends for a hike.  It was short, only about two miles round-trip, but good.  It was extremely hot out, even in the evening and we were all gross and sweaty by the end.  I had plans to hang out with Kyle after the hike, but he just got back into his friend’s car and left.  I was a little perplexed.  I knew from our conversation the day before that nothing was likely to happen between us because he’d be “too nervous”.  In truth, I was relieved that nothing would happen between us, but I was looking forward to hanging out with him. I took a shower and messaged him.  He thought we were going to hang out, but thought we should both shower first.

I went and picked him up.  Since Andie wasn’t going to be home, I figured it would be best to hang out at her place since Kyle lived with his parents and they thought it was already too late for company.  I warned him that the house was pretty bad.  Maybe it was bad of us, but we wandered around the house, checking all of the different rooms.  He hypothesized about the psychology of someone who would treat a house in that way.  It was something I had never thought of.  We found another room with a full-sized bed.  Why couldn’t they sleep there?  There was a third room with a broken child’s bed.  The fourth room had a queen-sized bed that had a broken frame.  It would have been simple enough to fix with plywood.  Or they could have thrown out the frame and    We watched a movie, but it ended at 1:30.  I told him I could either drive him home or we could hang out in the guest room since they were going to be home soon and I was unsure how Andie would react to me having a guest in her disgusting house.  He wanted to hang out in the guest room.

We spent the next few hours watching YouTube videos, then talking on various topics.  As the hour grew later, the topics became more deep as our tiredness grew and our inhibitions waned.  I started nodding off around 5am.  He asked if I was awake enough to drive him home or if we should sleep for a few hours.  I asked for the sleep.  He removed his shirt and I took my bra off under my shirt.  We somehow managed to lay down with space between us.  He complained of being too afraid of rejection to make any first moves.  The way he put it, I was unsure if he was referring to me or in general.  I told him I was the same way, but that being female, I never really had to worry about making the first move.  We both sunk into silence.  I really wanted to feel the touch of someone. It wasn’t that I wanted anything sexual.  I just really wanted someone to cuddle with.  I asked him if it would be weird if I asked him to cuddle with me.  He said no.  I rolled over and he put his arms around me from behind.  I realized that it had been a long time since someone had put his arms around me like that and that I liked it.

I felt immense contentment.  If I wasn’t enjoying the cuddling so much, I would have fallen asleep immediately.  Because of my back, I shifted position a few times.  He accused me of trying to start something.  I told him if I was trying to start something, that he’d know, because it would be obvious.  He put his arm around me again.  I could feel his hand moving around, mostly stroking the area on my side, alternating between my waist and hip and back.  It seems to be the area of my body that guys tend to admire most.  He accused me several more times of trying to start something.  I decided to prove to him that it would be obvious, and obviously grinded on him.  His hands explored more of my body.  I turned around and explored his.  He was not physically what I prefer in a guy.  He’s rounder than I typically like.  It was difficult to kiss his neck because it was difficult to find.  I wasn’t sure if he was neckless or had a double-chin, or both.  His kisses felt like nothing.  There was no energy, passion, or emotion behind them, but he was good with his hands.  We ended up fooling around until my alarm went off, signifying the time I had planned to leave to visit my friend Zak.  Neither of us had anticipated anything happening, so neither of us had brought condoms.  We sneaked out Andie’s house.  I dropped him off feeling very sexually frustrated.

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