Thursday June 30, 2016

I awoke early to go to Chandra’s house for another early morning meditation class.  The man I met last week wasn’t there.  Instead, there were two women.  As a “senior student”, I was asked to discuss the lesson while Chandra was off preparing a snack for everyone.  This one woman was clearly going through a tough time.  She recently started attending Al Anon meetings.  They’re for friends and family of alcoholics.  Her husband is an alcoholic.  She seemed to want to talk non-stop, with very little intervals where she would listen.  I tried to impart on her the wisdom of stopping to think, be in silence, and listen.  Her friend stayed silent almost the entire time.  When it was time to leave, the woman was still talking.  I could see even Chandra’s patience being tried.  She basically told us that the class was over and that it was the time to leave.  As I thanked her and walked out, the woman was still talking. When I got to my car, I saw Chris’s usual morning text, so I took some time to text him back.  Then I responded to Kyle’s message that he left me when I was asleep last night.

I realized that the woman had mostly blocked me in.  I had to very carefully maneuver my car to get around her.  By the time I drove away, she still hadn’t left yet.  I felt bad for Chandra, but not bad enough to stay, I guess.  I was still exhausted from the lack of sleep.  I drove home and went back to bed.  I woke up a few hours later, ran some errands, and washed my laundry.  I put it in the dryer and went home.  On the way there, I got a text from Carl saying that he wouldn’t be able to come camping with me this weekend.  I knew it was up in the air anyway and dependent on plans with his sister, but I hoped he’d come anyway.  I was so disappointed that I cried.  I felt the pain welling up inside my chest.  I decided to buy a pack of cigarettes.  The cigarette calmed me down on my drive home, but not enough.

I ended up chatting with Kyle.  We talked about how things went the other night.  He was complimentary and looking forward to the next time.  He told me how when he first saw me that I was so beautiful it was intimidating.  I started being concerned that he was going to get attached to me.   Afterwards, I fell asleep for four hours.  When I returned to the laundromat, the clothes I had hung up to dry were gone. The attendant had gone home a half hour earlier.  I removed my clothes from the dryer and went home.

I laid back down in bed.  I texted a bit with Carl.  He stated that he would make sure that we would hang out soon.  Yet he did not even ask anything about my schedule.  I had already made plans to go away later next week.  A woman who I used to work for in college invited me to stay in her guest house.  It was near the friends that I had just left.  I could see Kyle again.  He talked of spending a few days together.  He did mention that there was a small possibility of emotional attachment if we spent that much time together though.  I thought that since I was going to be in a guest house, it would be easier to get him in and out unobserved.  I thought of what a wasted day it was with all the sleeping I did and got very little accomplished. I watched a little tv, worked on one of my blogs, chatted with Kyle, and went to bed around 11:00.

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