Friday June 24, 2016

I decided to break my silence with Carl.  I had no additional messages from him over the course of yesterday.  I apologized for my silence and told him that I needed some time to think.  He said it was okay and that he assumed that was the case.  He said he liked me but didn’t have the time to treat me like I deserve.  I told him that I understood. I told him that if his feelings for me are similar to the ones that I was experiencing, that they were unlike anything I’ve felt towards anyone else and took me a while to sort them out.  He agreed.  It was good to know he was feeling what I was, even though he hadn’t figured it out enough to know what he wanted.   I told him that since he wasn’t ready to be exclusive, that I wouldn’t be exclusive with him.  I told him that I had hoped that we could continue enjoying spending time together and he assented.  It seemed that he didn’t quite understand, so I restated my non-exclusivity.  I told him unless he was ready, I would be seeing other people.  I was afraid that would deter him, but it didn’t seem to.  He called me beautiful like nothing had happened. I also told him that I’d leave it up to him when I saw him again, but warned him that my schedule was filling up quickly.  I told him about my trip that I had planned for next week. He said it sounded like fun.

From something else Carl said, it really made it seem like he was considering an actual relationship with me at some point.  He said he was a little afraid of what this could be with us.  I asked what he was afraid of.  He was afraid of what he is at the beginning of any relationship.  That this could be it, happiness, contentment.  It was enough to allow me to hope.

I went hiking in the morning.  It was a two hour long hike.  It felt good to get out there for that long.  I was especially pleased because it turned out that I had finally gotten in better shape.  Hills that I used to struggle with were suddenly easier for me to do.  When I got home, I ended up falling asleep.

When I awoke, Carl was out of work and was driving to visit his mother.  We had some interesting conversations about some of the sexual things we wanted to do.  None of his things I was really adverse to trying (because they were merely things he wanted to try, not necessarily repeat).  Then he bade me goodnight because his phone was dying and he needed to charge it.

I got a few things done around my apartment, but then ended up in another conversation with Kyle.  We had cyber sex again.  It was more fun this time because Carl knew that I wasn’t going to just be exclusive to him until he was ready.  I fell asleep not long afterwards.

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