Tuesday June 21, 2016

I awoke early again.  I did, however, fall asleep early, so this was to be expected.  I sent Carl a text of apology for the night before.  I explained that I just wanted to see him.  He eventually texted me back (he gets up later than I do) and said he was looking forward to seeing me again too.  It made me happy and I fell back asleep for a little while.  I awoke and took my cat to the vet.  It was an ordeal because he wasn’t happy to go.

While I was in the waiting room, I noticed that Carl’s picture that I had tagged him in didn’t show up on his Facebook page.  Thinking this was odd, I went on my laptop to check when I got home.  It turned out he wasn’t tagged, so I tried to tag him.  A notification popped up stating that I couldn’t because he had already removed the tag.  Why would he remove the tag?  It was just a picture of him standing in the woods.  I picked the best picture of him that I had.  Then I looked and noticed that the picture between him and that other woman from Saturday was gone too.

What was going on!?  Was he actually playing me?  Maybe he was seeing multiple people at one time and this was his way of hiding it?  I was hurt.  I felt deceived, not just by him, but for whatever had planted the idea in my head that he was “the one”.  How stupid could I get!?  I decided that I would ask him about it when he was on break and able to text again.  I didn’t expect to hear any good explanation for it, but I would at least ask.  So I asked and waited for an answer.  In the meantime , I napped.  I have been sleeping a lot lately. I actually was happy this morning when I still wanted to sleep more, so I don’t think it’s depression.  I can’t figure out what it is, though!

Anyway, I woke up and I still hadn’t received a response from him.  Usually he would have had his lunch break by now.  Was he avoiding answering the question?  I decided to meet some people for an evening hike.  Carl finally sent me a message as I was driving.  It said that he had a long and crazy day and that he didn’t even get a lunch break.  That explained his lack of messaging, but he never answered my question. I decided to wait to respond.  Maybe he would eventually answer the question.

It turns out I only knew two of the people there.  I was incredibly socially awkward.  I suppose it was just a matter of practicing socialization, but it seemed like everybody took everything I said in the wrong way.  I wondered if I somehow got off on the wrong foot or if something in my countenance showed that I was not in the best of humors.

During the hike, my friend Rachel messaged me.  She was having problems with her guy too.  We commiserated and I tried to give her advice.  In hindsight, giving her advice considering I have been having problems with Carl myself.  We made plans to hang out tomorrow.  I think it was good for her because her guy has been just calling her at the last minute and expecting her to be free.  I just wanted to get out of town and be sociable with someone, so it worked well for me too!  Rachel recommended that I let go the question of the photo tagging on Facebook for a few days.  I decided to take her advice and the urgency regarding the question started to fade from my mind and my heart.

When I got home, Kyle and I chatted for a bit about my hike, since he hikes too.  We chatted a little longer and then I went to bed.


Mood: varied

Meditation: none

 

 

 

 

 

 

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