Saturday June 11, 2016

I awoke and looked at my phone, but Carl had not gotten back to me.  In fact, he had not even been online since yesterday evening.  I had to go to my school’s graduation, but I was anxious to get it over with.  I noticed in my few attempts to chat with the other teachers, the things I said were literally ignored.  I wondered why.  Were the things I was saying not interesting, inappropriate, or ill-timed?  Thankfully, I didn’t have much time to really think about it too much.

The graduation ended and I went home, still tired, and decided to take a nap.  I was tired and needed to recharge.  It didn’t really work.  I spent most of the day in bed alternating between napping, reading, and checking Facebook.  Carl never got back to me.  I was in a depression, but it was an odd one.  There was a slightly down feeling and an aching of the heart wondering if he was okay.  I somehow had such confidence in him, that I didn’t think that anything was amiss.  It was probably one of those stupid instances like last week with the storm.  I still hurt a little because I hadn’t heard from him.  However, I did have the depression symptom of not wanting to get out of bed.  I sent one message to Carl saying that I hoped he was enjoying his day and that if he was going to be busy and not respond, it would have been kind to let me know in advance.

Later in the evening, Carl had finally reappeared.  He had plans to go to a music festival with a friend of his.  I didn’t realize he had planned to sleep over his friend’s house the night before.  He had left his cell phone at home.  He apologized and we started talking again.  The conversation took a sexual turn and I started wondering what exactly would happen tomorrow. I again started to look forward to it and hope.  And then I tried to stop myself from looking forward to it and hoping!

Mood – Varied.  It fluctuated between depressed and hopeful.

Meditation – None


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