Monday May 23, 2016

I awoke tired.  I kept falling back asleep and putting off getting up.  I toyed with the idea of calling in sick, just to get some sleep.  My muscles were sore from the other day. Then I remembered that I have my art show today.  My assistant principal insisted that I have one.  The problem is that today she completely did everything in her power to prevent me from having a good one.  She wouldn’t let me offer the kids who participated a grade to boost participation.  She wouldn’t give me any time today to even set up and hang up everything.  I was angry.  I was seriously angry.  I am not liking these mood swings at all.

Carl kept messaging me over the course of the day. I heard nothing from Diego at all until I texted him at lunch. He barely spoke to me.

It took a lot hard work after school, but I managed to get everything together and put up for the art show. I stayed for as little time as I could get away with and drove home. I had intended to go to bed early, but then I got into another interesting conversation with Carl. Then Diego video called me. He, of course, took my depression personally. I explained that it’s not about him. That I’m struggling with depression and unless I tell him it does, it has nothing to do with him. For once, I think he got it because he asked how he could help. I explained that he could cuddle with me, spend time with me, but told him not to push me to have sex because I really won’t feel like it when I’m depressed. Surprisingly, not he agreed. I couldn’t wait to get him off the phone so I could pick up the conversation with Carl. I was tired and depressed, but I felt horrible for the idea. Dating Carl would be the dumbest idea, with he way he can annoy me. And the gut reaction I have with his annoyance. Diego started talking about going out to eat and to the movies. I think that was meant to be a panacea for my complaints about him not wanting to be part of my life. It’s not likely. I am afraid to act because I do care about him. And maybe I need to talk myself into why he’s bad for me because I care about him, we have a chemistry, he is a good guy, and he’s really good looking. But I’m tired and I’m thinking in circles.

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