January 21, 2016

I awoke feeling better.  I decided to drive to work since I figured walking in the cold to and from work wasn’t helpful to recovering from whatever was wrong with me.  I had decided to go to work because my older classes were all on a field trip, so I only had to teach three classes plus my dance rehearsal.  I still wasn’t back to perfect health, but I figured I could handle that much.  As soon as I got to work, my boss scheduled me to make up many of the classes I had missed yesterday so I had to teach seven classes plus my dance rehearsal after school. I wasn’t sure I could handle all of that.  I ran to the bathroom and started crying.  I was just so emotional and I didn’t feel well and I wasn’t sure I could handle it.  I debated whether or not I should confront my boss and let her know that I couldn’t handle it, or just wait until halfway through the day and just go home sick without any warning. I asked a coworker for advice and she recommended that I just have all of my classes watch art-related movies, mostly because my boss was in a very bad mood.  My boss is very moody and it’s well-known among the staff to avoid her like the plague when she’s in a bad mood.

I surprisingly managed to make it through the day, though I was very tired and out of it throughout the day.  In my dance rehearsal, I lost my temper on a student.  It’s not like I swore at her or anything, but I still was unkind and told her to shut-up.  The students all immediately were silent and were well-behaved for the remainder of the rehearsal.

I was in a miserable mood when I left work.  I just wanted to be held.  When Diego texted me asking if I wanted to see him, I immediately said yes. I told him about my bad day.  I wasn’t sure I was feeling up to having sex, but he didn’t mention it before he came over.  He drove over.  His presence immediately made me feel better.  He bought me something that I had needed, but stubbornly not bought because I could still use the old one, even if it was not ideal.  It was a very thoughtful gift!  Eventually, I was happier and surprisingly ready to have sex with him.  I fell asleep almost immediately afterward.  He woke me up when he prepared to leave, but I fell asleep not long afterwards.

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Today I gave up my belief that I couldn’t do something and tried to do it anyway.

Today I’m grateful that I was able to get through the day, for the advice of my coworker, and for Diego.

I helped nobody today.

I spent no time in nature.

I spent no money today.

I slept for about 8 hours last night, plus a few hours of a nap today.

I did not meditate today.

I did not exercise today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I did not clean or straighten today.

I was not showered and did not brush my teeth today.

I was feeling miserable for most of the day. Diego managed to pull me out of my mood at the end of the day.  My temperament was bad today.

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