January 17, 2016

I awoke early with a sore throat, runny/stuffy nose, a bit of a cough, and an earache.  I looked it up online, they’re all side effects of quitting smoking.  So is depression.  Maybe that’s why my mood has not been all that great lately.  I had to run to the grocery store and so I did it not long after I woke up.  I bought sinus medication to help with my earache.  I had never had any sinus problems previously.   When I returned from the grocery store, I checked my mail.  There were no divorce papers.  All I could hear was Diego’s voice in my head when we talked about the situation (complete with his accent), “I am thinking that he is making himself a liar.” As always, I had assumed that my ex was telling the truth.  I was raised among folks that meant what they said and said what they meant.  When they said they were going to do something, they did it.  When my ex-husband said he’d do things, I’d assume that he meant it.  Then when he didn’t, I’d get hurt and disappointed.  I never could learn not to take the things he said at face value. I also didn’t believe that I should have to.

I spent the morning cooking food for the week and getting various other things done.  In the early afternoon, I was catching up on my blogs when I received a text from Diego, wanting to come over to have me help him with getting his car insurance.  When he got here, he asked me to fill out all of his DMV paperwork for him.  He insinuated that the problem was mine for not checking the paperwork while he was buying the car last night. I thought my role had just been to give him a ride. I told him it wasn’t fair to blame me for something that wasn’t my fault. He explained that he blames himself because he didn’t communicate to me correctly what he needed. He had his friend drive him there to get the necessary paperwork signed earlier today.

I had just finished blogging about his behavior on Friday night when I was too tired for sex right before he came over, so I wasn’t feeling very happy with him. I kind of re-lived it as I wrote. I helped Diego with his paperwork, then helped him get his insurance situation squared away.  Afterwards, he seemed very grateful, very affectionate.  He asked me what was wrong.  I told him about my earache, so he suggested that we not have sex today. I found that ironic because of what happened the other night.  I explained to him that when I am tired and when I say “no” that it’s extremely disrespectful to try for more.  When he’s tired, he still wanted sex, but not always when he was sick. I realized that he judged me byhow he would act himself.  In fact, I suspect that he would enjoy being woken up for it. I repeated how disrespectful his treatment of me was and explained that no meant no.  His apology seemed heartfelt and said he wouldn’t do it again. 

We had sex. Afterwards we had discussed the differences between “puta” in Spanish and “bitch” in English. He explained that a puta is someone who has a lot of sex. I asked if a puta got paid for it and he said they could, but they didn’t have to. I concluded that a puta refers more to a “slut” or “whore” than to a bitch. That got us started talking about men and women and sex. He explained that in his country, marrying a virgin was ideal. I started attacking him for being sexist. He explained that it’s out of respect that you don’t have sex with a woman before she’s married. I asked if it’s okay for a man to have sex before marriage. I asked who the men were supposed to have sex with if it was disrespectful for women. He said it was because men couldn’t get pregnant. Then I realized that it was out of respect so they didn’t get the woman pregnant and leave since they really don’t use birth control there. I wondered if they couldn’t afford it, didn’t have access to it, or if it was looked down upon. I told him maybe if having sex is so disrespectful to the woman, maybe we should stop having sex. He stated that it was fine because we already started and I won’t get pregnant and he wants it. I teased him about it for a few minutes.

Then we got on another discussion about women’s and men’s roles in society. I told him that in America, if the men and women both work, they share the household responsibilities. He said that it’s the man’s job to provide for the family and the woman’s to cook, clean, etc. He said that if a woman works, they pay someone to clean the house and do the laundry, but that she’s responsible for cooking. I was on the point of saying that was bullshit and unfair when he started complaining about the men too lazy to do the dishes. I rethought my comment. I could cook if someone else actually did the dishes. But all the guys I had lived with before never did the dishes. I started to wonder if maybe he is less sexist than I originally thought at the beginning of this conversation.

I thought about what he had tried to do on Friday night after he left. There are two ways I could look at what he did. I could look at him as a jerk who tried to do stuff even though I didn’t want to or I could look at him as a guy with very little experience with women who just assumed that I would like the things that he would like. If he truly meant to push me into having sex with him, I think he would have gone a lot farther. For now, unless he continues or does something to prove otherwise, I am going to assume he’s just clueless about American women (or maybe women in general). He wouldn’t tell me how many women he had been with and seemed to think the question was extremely rude and inappropriate. It’s just as well. I’m sure he would think that the number of people I had slept with is high anyway.

I managed to finish my to-do list for the day! I was very excited about this and spent the rest of the night working on my knitting
Today I gave up the idea that I could understand Diego right away. Because of the language gap, thing seem to need to be discussed more in depth than with other guys. But I kind of like that.

Today I’m grateful that I got so much accomplished, I talked to Diego about Friday night, and I think things are good with him again.

I helped Diego with his car paperwork.

I spent no time in nature.

I spent about $35 on groceries.

I slept for about 8 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I did not exercise today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I cleaned and straightened today.

I was not showered and did not brush my teeth today.

I was feeling sick and out of it and my mood fluctuated about Diego, but it was otherwise good. My temperament was good.



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