January 15, 2016

I awoke early and managed to get a shower in finally. I had dreamed of my ex-husband, but couldn’t remember what the dream was about.  It was probably because I had messaged him last night asking when I could expect to see the divorce paperwork.  When I woke up I had a message from him saying that he was sending it out first class this morning and that I’d have it tomorrow.  I was excited that it would be taken care of and over soon.

I drove to work.  Again, I really didn’t want to be there and did whatever I could to make the time pass quickly.  The other teachers really didn’t seem to have any interest whatsoever in getting to know me or even interested in what I had to say.  While that was not an unusual event, I guess it really came across more than usual today.  The Spanish teacher, whom I am starting to consider slightly more a friend than a co-worker, asked about Diego.  I told her things were going well, and showed her a picture of the two of us.

I make sure to leave work as soon as I could and met Diego at the nearest train station. We had plans to take a look at a car in the large city that most of the train lines converged in.  We had talked to the man who was selling the car.  The traffic was horrible because we arrived right around rush hour on a Friday.  Diego noticed my stress at the traffic and said that I should have just told him I wouldn’t take him there.  I told him it was okay and that I’d be fine as soon as I was done driving.  He said if I didn’t want to do something, then I should do it.  I told him that life is full of things I didn’t want to do, so it’s just more of the same, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.  He tried very hard to be a good companion and make me feel better, which was sweet.  When we arrived at the address, it was a doctor’s office, but not with the same name as the owner of the car.  We called him and he said he’d be there in an hour an a half.  I got angry telling him it took us that long to get there. Finally, I asked Diego if he wanted to get something to eat while we waited or just to give up and drove home.  He said we should give up and drive home.

He apologized for making me drive for nothing, even though he had filled my tank with gas and paid for all of my tolls.  I told him that we had no way of knowing that it wouldn’t work out.  I suggested trying the craigslist in the opposite direction from the city.  He was looking on there most of the way home.  When we got close, he asked if I was too tired for sex.  I said I wasn’t yet, but soon I would be.  He asked if I would wait for him while he showered and got cleaned up so he could spend the night at my place.

When we got back to my place, he put on a the dvd of a tv show that we had been watching.  However, he spent the entire time on his phone searching for a new car.  After about an hour and a half of waiting and being ignored, I fell asleep.  I was vaguely aware of him waking me up and making me go to bed.  However, once I got into bed, it was difficult for me to get to sleep.  I gave him a firm “no” to sex.  He then started to grind on my butt.  I rolled over to face him instead and felt my hand being placed on his goods.  I was thoroughly annoyed at this point and made my hand and arm go limp as if I was asleep.  I couldn’t believe that after a firm “no” and an explanation of him making me wait too long that he was still attempting to get me to have sex with him.  I lost a lot of respect for him and was very annoyed.  I was too tired to come up with a plan of action or what I wanted to do.  I finally woke up enough to manage to lie in a position where I could have my hand placed on anything and he couldn’t grind on my butt.  I stayed awake longer than I thought possible in my discomfort.  I finally managed to get to sleep.

———————–
Today I gave up the idea that traffic should have an effect on my mood

Today I’m grateful that I had a good day at work, getting to sleep a bit later than usual, and getting stuff done in the morning.

I gave Diego a ride to look at a car.

I spent no time in nature.

I spent no money today.

I slept for about 7 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I did not exercise today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I did not clean or straighten today.

I was showered but did not brush my teeth today.

I was in a good mood today. My temperament was good.

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