January 12, 2016

I could not get out of bed again today. I fell back to sleep a few times and I dragged myself out of bed in time to do the bare minimum. I arrived at the train station as the earlier train was leaving. Diego seemed to be a bit better. He at least had some amount of concentration for conversation, but not much. He was wearing the scarf I made him. It was rolling up at the edges and was difficult for him to wear. I was a little afraid to iron it first. It was made of acrylic yarn that recommended not ironing it. I didn’t want to ruin it, so I didn’t iron it. I offered to take it back to fix it, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry.

I got to work. Instead of doing work, I worked on my knitting. I chatted with a Spanish speaking custodian. In short, I did everything but my work. My classes were good. I had a lot of visitors in my classes today. I guess some people did care what was going on in the art room after all! It was a good day, but it felt longer than it should have. By the end of my work day, I had very little energy and I was feeling down for no reason.

I left on the first available train and Diego asked me to wait for the next train. I was content to wait because it meant that I could work on my knitting more and listen to my audio book. I think I might be a bit obsessed. I wondered if the obsession was a cause of the depression or a result of it. He and I didn’t talk much. I worked on my knitting and we discussed our day.

He spent his time looking at cars to buy online. When we got off the train, he asked me to call a person selling a car that he liked. I understood that he was worried about his English. I must really like him because I tend to put off my own phone calls due to my dislike of talking on the phone. We set it up that I would drive Diego to look at the car on Friday after work. I felt good having been able to help him with something.

When I went to drop him off, he stayed to talk. We talked about religion. It seems that many of his rigid beliefs are cultural rather than religious. I talked about some of my more controversial beliefs. To my surprise, he seemed to not just tolerate them, but agree! He also made plans to come over tomorrow night. I sent him away at 6:30 because I had set up a phone call with Chandra at 7:00 and I needed to get home.

I realized from one of the comments someone left awhile ago that I have painted Chandra in an unfair light. It’s just that my friendship (if it can be called that) with her is so difficult to describe that I had put off doing it. She teaches classes on spirituality and meditation. She is part of what she calls a spiritual organization, but really is a religion. I like the meditation and share some beliefs with the religion, but some of the religious practices are very odd to me and I choose not to follow them. She insisted that I call her at least five times a week to listen to readings that are part religious, part spiritual in nature. I had done so in the mornings on the train until Diego and I started dating. From what I can tell, she’s a lonely middle aged woman that lives alone who needs help with anything related to computers, technology, and the internet. She considers the help I give her to be helping God since she has dedicated her life to her religion. Yes, she can be pushy and yes, sometimes I do feel used by her, but in her opinion, I’m not helping her, I’m helping God. Once it became clear that I wouldn’t be listening in the morning, she set up an evening time for me to listen. This may not make sense, but listening to the daily readings does something for me. I can’t quite describe what, but there’s something intangible that I get out of listening to those reasons so I do. Helping her out occasionally is my way of giving back.

———————–
Today I gave up the idea that every day has to be a good one.

Today I’m grateful that I was able to get more knitting done, I got to work more on my knitting, and I was able to hopefully explain a little more of the situation with Chandra.

I don’t think I did anything nice for others today.

I spent 40 time in nature.

I spent about $5.75 on parking and $7 on food.

I slept for about 6 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I exercised for 40 minutes today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I did not clean or straighten today.

I was showered but did not brush my teeth today.

I was in a good mood today. My temperament was good.

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