January 8, 2016

Because I was going in to work late today, I set my alarm for much later. I awoke well before my alarm feeling well-rested, but not refreshed. I got a text from Diego not long after I awoke. I thought I had explained that I would not be on the train this morning, but apparently not sufficiently in Spanish. He was at the train station asking where I was. I explained again and then remembered that he had no food and i was supposed to bring him the granola bars he had left at my apartment! I felt like such an asshole, but it really couldn’t be helped. I apologized. He said he wasn’t mad and he wished me a good day.  I stayed in bed for a while, finishing the previous day’s blog. I got up, showered, and prepared for my day.

I arrived at the tire store not long after they opened and settled on the cheaper option, knowing that with the bent control arm any tire wasn’t going to last as long as expected, so I may as well buy the cheaper one. It took them an hour and a half to get the tires and put them on my car. I practically had finished the scarf for Diego. I wanted to check the length when I got home, but it was very close to the ideal length by the time they had finished with my tire.

I arrived at work in time for lunch. I arranged to have two classes come at once so I would have all classes of the same grade at the same point in the unit I’m teaching them. One of my coworkers praised me for being able to think of such things when most people would be freaking out about their flat tire. I took it as a welcome compliment. Another coworker said I looked good and asked if I was losing weight. It’s kind of funny. Whenever I wear clothes that I think are unflattering, at least one coworker compliments me and asks if I’ve been losing weight. It’s kind of funny and ironic, but I’ll take it! Lol!

Oddly, the rest of my day seemed long, even though I only had three classes to teach. My whole day seemed surreal. On my way home, I realized I was driving close to our connecting station. It was probably too early to meet Diego, but I thought I should text him anyway. I looked at my phone and saw that he had texted me first! He was 10 minutes away. I pulled in near the train station and waited. I didn’t wait long.

He talked most of the way home. I just didn’t feel like talking much. I got the feeling that something was missing, but finally realized that it was my cigarettes. Today was my second day of quitting.  Most of the time, I see Diego as my intellectual equal. He is extremely smart and learns new things quickly. He often learns new words more quickly than I do. However, there are times that I am reminded that he dropped out of school at 13 years old to support his family. He told me that to get good at Spanish I needed to learn the Spanish alphabet. I began to recite it. He had to tell me to slow down because I could do it faster than he could. He didn’t really know the English version. I told him there’s a song that helps children learn it. I sang it for him and offered to teach him. He said he would have to download and listen to it. Maybe it was showing off, but I told him I knew another alphabet and recited that one too. I do pride myself a little too much on my intellectual accomplishments. He would have been well within his rights to be annoyed at me for showing off that I know three alphabets and he barely knew one, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

This is just a warning that both menstration and sex are described in the remaining paragraphs. If you don’t want to read about it, I suggest you stop reading now.

He asked what I was doing tonight. I said nothing. He said him too. Then he asked if I still had my period. I told him only a little. He then decided that he was too sick to do anything tonight. I was a little annoyed, but the state of my apartment was appalling, so waiting a day was preferable to me.

I stopped at my apartment on the way to his place. I had a number of things that I had bought when I was sick and no longer needed. I gave him cold medicine, cough drops, some soup I made, and his granola bars. I hoped they would help him since I no longer needed them. I made him wait in the car and did my best to be quick in gathering everything.

When I stopped to drop him off, he stayed in the car for an hour and a half talking and kissing. He seemed oddly curious about how I attend to my menstrual needs. He said that where he’s from, the women only use maxi pads. He asked if it was possible to pee while wearing a tampon. I assured him that it was and tried not to laugh at the notion. After all, he comes from a place where they didn’t really have or use condoms, so I shouldn’t be so surprised. Then I had to explain the difference between tampons with and without applicators. I’m sure anyone else privy to this conversation found it amusing, but seeing the combination of interest and ignorance in him, it didn’t seem even remotely funny to me at the time.

Then he went into a lengthy conversation about sex. He apparently did a lot of online research into what women like. I told him he shouldn’t rely on it. That all women are different and that I tend to be more different than most, according to most of the guys who have experience that I had slept with and that I asked about the subject. Even though I said it a number of times, it took a long time to sink in. He talked about how many women get moody and angry when they have their periods and I don’t. I explained about my one day of depression before I got my period and again told him that women are all different. He seemed happy that was all that really happened to me. I was pleased that he cared enough about pleasing me on bed to try and look things up online. Although, I would have preferred that he just listened to me about my preferences were when I told him.

Then he told me most men were the same. That statement was and wasn’t correct. Yes, I could do similar things to please most men. However, many men that I had experience with had their own interests and fetishes of their own. I explained some of the more extreme things to him. He looked incredulous, as if he wasn’t sure if I was telling the truth. To be fair, I have dated and had sex with guys who had some very different sexual predilections.

Next Diego wanted the confirmation that most men seemed to want, that his penis size was adequate. Yes, I do know women whose philosophy is “the bigger the better”, but mine has always been “the size doesn’t matter, it’s how you use it.” Even so, he was slightly smaller than average sized. It wasn’t enough to make a difference and I actually thought that any penises that were larger than average were painful. Trying to explain all this in Spanish was comical, especially because I didn’t want to explain that he was slightly smaller than average. I knew it would bother him where it didn’t bother me. Finally, we looked up the average size online and joked about measuring his penis and the matter died there.

Eventually, I had to go to the bathroom, so I told him he had to go. Then he started talking again and we made plans for tomorrow. I stopped at a gas station to use the bathroom on the way home. When I got home, I felt oddly motivated and straightened up the entire apartment. I even did dishes, cleaned the cat pee, and put away my Christmas decorations. Everything was neat and presentable, but not clean. I planned to do that tomorrow. I compiled my to-do list for tomorrow and went to bed.
Today I gave up the idea that someone needed an education to be intelligent.

Today I’m grateful that I had the money in my savings account to buy the tires without having to borrow money, that my job was flexible enough to not penalize me for my car issues, and getting so much accomplished in my apartment.

I did no kindnesses that I could think of.

I spent no time in nature.

I spent about $225 on tires and $7 on food.

I slept for about 8 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I did not exercise today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I cleaned and straightened today.

I was showered but did not brush my teeth today.

I think I was in a good mood today, despite the apparent surrealism issues I was experiencing. My temperament was good.


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