January 7, 2016

I had yet another day where it was difficult to get out of bed. While it was cold, it wasn’t because of that. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It has now been several days since I have showered. That’s mostly because I’ve been too tired at night or unable to get up in time in the morning. I am pretty adept at making my oily hair look okay, but there comes a point where I worry about smelling bad. I reached that point today. I was worried about smelling bad, but didn’t have the time to do anything other than spray some perfume and hope nobody noticed.

At least I didn’t smell like smoke again. I didn’t smoke this morning. I also didn’t take my thyroid pill. I had run out of pills and forgotten to go to the pharmacy after my lengthy conversation with Diego yesterday. I hoped one day wouldn’t make a difference. When I saw him at the train station, I made sure to greet him first, since I want to be respectful towards him. I had to lot of work to do and needed to go in early, so he took the early train with me. He was feeling sick today. I gave him the pills I bought a few weeks ago when I was sick. He slept while I worked on his scarf. When we parted at the connecting station, he actually tried to kiss me on the lips! I wasn’t prepared for it and had tried to give him his usual cheek kiss, so I ended up with only a corner of his lips touching mine. But the gesture was nice.

I struggled through work today. I almost fell asleep standing up in one class. I was tired and unable to be happy like I had the rest of the week. It didn’t occur to me until later that this might be a reaction from the lack of thyroid medication. My dance rehearsal went well, but again, it seemed long. My brain felt fuzzy and I was having trouble making decisions.

When I got on the train, I texted Diego which train I would take home from the connecting station. He was going to take the one before it and asked if he should wait. He waited for me. It’s nice to have someone who will give up the same things you do for a relationship, since I had waited for him the day before. He seemed to be feeling a bit better. I worked on his scarf some more and he watched YouTube videos the way I tend to browse Facebook. We didn’t talk much, but there was a lot of comfort and fun in our physical closeness.

When we got to our home station, I told him I was going to pick up that prescription and get soup from a local restaurant that specializes in it. I invited him to come, but he was tired and needed to sleep. He said he didn’t have any food, so I told him I would bring the breakfast bars he left at my place and give him more of those cold pills. I also secretly decided to get him some of my homemade soup from my freezer. He doesn’t like the freezer or foods that are frozen. I don’t understand it.

On my drive home, I was driving up a hill with oncoming headlights. I was unable to see that there was something sticking up on the side of the road. I hit it and could feel my tire going flat. I had a donut and knowledge of how to change the tire, but not the strength to do it, since my back started hurting on my ride home, probably because of the upcoming precipitation predicted for Sunday. I was able to get the car to my driveway, but that’s only because I had to drive a few hundred feet to get there. I texted Diego to tell him. He didn’t have a car, so I knew there was nothing he could do. I called my mom. Her and my step-dad drove an hour and a half to come change my tire. I was so tired and overwhelmed and miserable and overwhelmed with brain-fog. All I was able to do was clean the cat pee and puke and fall asleep waiting for them. When they got here, I dutifully put on my winter clothes to stand there in the cold and watch my stepfather work. I couldn’t even decide what to do about tomorrow. I could hypothetically drive to the station on the donut tomorrow and work, but I didn’t want to. The brain-fog made me feel a bit sick and I couldn’t make a decision. I finally let my mom and step-dad do it for me by asking if I should go in late tomorrow to get it taken care of. They assented and I hoped I had written a decently legible email to my boss. I explained to Diego what happened and went to sleep.
Today I gave in to my brain fog and just did as well as I could today.

Today I’m grateful that I got through today, had a good rehearsal, and that Diego and I were still able to have fun together.

I did no kindnesses that I could think of.

I spent 40 minutes in nature.

I spent about $5.75 on parking, $12 on food, and $20 on my prescription.

I slept for about 7 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I exercised for 40 minutes today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I cleaned a little but did not straighten today.

I was not showered and did not brush my teeth today.

I think I was in a good mood today. I was too tired to tell. My temperament was good.


One thought on “January 7, 2016

  1. It sounds like a really taxing day! I hope you feel better soon. Please take care of yourself. I am glad you had someone to come and change the tire for you. Stay home if needed. Your health is more important than anything else. Sending you warm thoughts…

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