January 6, 2016

I awoke feeling depressed. I needed a hug. It’s rare that I felt the need for a hug like that. My larger cat laid down next to me and I hugged him, but it didn’t help. I got up rather late and barely got to the train station on time. I stayed to take the same train as Diego. Because I had done all my lesson plans the night before, I didn’t feel the need to be terribly early to work today. Diego and I really didn’t talk much, but it was nice to spend time with him.

My walk to work today was exceedingly cold. I made it there, but my fingers and toes had gone numb, despite my gloves. I had a really good day at work. I don’t know if my students were really well behaved, or if I was just able to enjoy myself with them more because I was coming back after a decently long break, but I had a good day. I also got a lot accomplished and was feeling really good about my progress. I was even looking forward to my dance rehearsal with them tomorrow. I got in a conversation with a coworker who used to work for immigration. Without expressing who my concerns were about, I asked about the recent deportations. She said that even those who were awaiting a decision but had filed papers could be deported, but usually it was only done if they did something wrong. I felt better about Diego’s situation.

I managed to get to the early train. I smoked a cigarette at the connecting station, not because I felt the need to smoke, but because I wanted to finish up all my cigarettes before tomorrow when I planned on quitting again. As the train pulled in, I got a text from Diego asking that I wait for him. I stepped away from the train and chose to wait. I had some things to do tonight, but I told myself that the difference of 20 minutes in arrival time wasn’t that crucial.

I was glad that I had chosen to spend the time with Diego. When I went to drop him off, we stayed in the car talking for over an hour again. We discussed religion a lot today. I told him exactly what my beliefs where and they did not appear to conflict with his. I also shared my belief that religions and all of their beliefs and books all had wisdom to learn from and some things that were best left alone. He told me that he knows the bible very well, but that some parts were wrong. I agreed wholeheartedly, but figured that we probably disagreed which things were wrong. I was glad that our religious views are not incompatible, except for maybe in the minutae.

He also started talking about courtesy and respect. There seem to be some more heavily defined social mores in his country. They weren’t a big deal for me to practice, it would just require some extra concentration to remember. For example, when he is already at the train station and I’m the second one there, its considered respectful for me to be the one to say “good morning” first. I had no idea. I never have been good about identifying and following social cues like this. Was it like this in America? I honestly had no idea.

We also talked about being grateful. He had to explain it in Spanish, so I think I understood. I told him every day I write down three things I’m grateful for. He said I should do it in the morning, to thank God that I woke up and had another day of life. He asked what three things I was grateful for today. I told him I was grateful for a good day with my students, that I got to see him. He stopped me there and said the first one was good, but not the second one. I told him that if I was thankful for everything it would take my whole day. I started by saying I was grateful for being alive, for having healthy food, clean water, an apartment, electricity, and continued from there. After less than a minute, he got the point. I told him just choose the every day. When we parted, he said maybe he wouldn’t see me tomorrow because maybe he’d die that night. It was his way of reminding me that every day we’re lucky to wake up for a new day.

On my way home, I tried to smoke both of my remaining cigarettes, but ended up trowing the second half of the second one out of the car window. I just couldn’t force that much smoke into my lungs. At least I finished up the pack so I could attempt to quit tomorrow. When I got home, I gathered a few things together for tomorrow, got very few things done, and went to bed.
———————–
Today I gave up 20 minutes to spend a train ride with Diego.

Today I’m grateful that my depression evaporated once I started work, I was happy to have accomplished many work tasks, and that Diego and I had a productive theological conversation.

I did no kindnesses that I could think of.

I spent 40 minutes in nature.

I spent about $5.75 on parking.

I slept for about 7 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I exercised for 40 minutes today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I did not clean or straighten today.

I was not showered and did not brush my teeth today.

I was in a good mood today. My temperament was good.

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