December 19, 2015

I awoke in Diego’s arms feeling worse. The medicine I was taking must have worn off. I got up, cleaned the cat pee in the bathroom, took some Dayquil, fed my cats, and went back to sleep. I awoke feeling comparatively better, but still didn’t feel great. Somehow, Diego convinced me to have sex with him again. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it. I contemplated whether or not I should be offended or worried by his insistence, but in the end, I agreed to do it and enjoyed it, so I really can’t complain. My brain was slowed down by being sick, so thankfully, I didn’t have the capacity to over-think it. I just enjoyed it for what it was.

We talked about funny nicknames for body parts in the two languages. One nickname in Spanish for female parts is “gallo”, for the crest on a rooster. I supposed most female genitalia did resemble that and laughed. Another one was the word for clam, which I promptly forgot. I told him it works in English as well, but that some people might be offended about the insinuation of a fishy smell. He said that most women, including me don’t smell fishy. I told him about my insecurity because I hadn’t showered in a few days. He said I smelled like a woman should and that he likes the smell. He also has no objection to pubic hair. I think somehow his upbringing allowed him to have real expectations about women. I had dated so many guys who preferred shaved (which I refused to do) and odorless. They couldn’t appreciate female anatomy in its natural form. But Diego could and I appreciated him more for it. I felt like with him being myself wasn’t just good enough for him, it was preferred.

Diego had some things to go over with his lawyer today. I desperately had to do laundry. I was wearing my last pair of clean underwear. He kindly carried my large bag of laundry out to the car for me. He also advised me to drink tea with lemon and honey. Another Hispanic folk remedy, I guessed. I had honey and lemon, so it wouldn’t be any harm in taking his advice. At worst, I broke my diet. At best, it could actually work or help. He also told me not to sleep with any appendages outside of the covers. Our body heat was too much for me last night, so I did keep body parts out from under the blankets, but that’s not typical for me.

As I drove to the laundromat, I had a cigarette. I wondered why I would purposely make my lungs worse by putting more shit in them, but again, didn’t have the capacity to over-think it. I did my laundry. When I got home I felt very tired. I slept for 5 hours. Then my mom called and I talked to her for another hour. Then I spent a few hours on Facebook. Diego called to see how I was, which was sweet. He again recommended the honey lemon tea. I finally managed to get out of bed. I ate dinner and made some tea. It really seemed to help my throat.

I worked on the scarf for Diego some more. I got further on it, but didn’t make it through an entire movie before falling asleep again.

Today I gave up visiting friends so I could rest and heal.

Today I’m grateful for having a day that I could spend resting and recovering, to have a caring guy like Diego call to see how I was doing, and that I was able to take care of myself.

I don’t think I did any acts of kindness today.

I spent no time in nature today.

I spent $10 on laundry and $16 on food.

I slept for about 6 hours last night, plus 5 hours today.

I did not meditate today.

I did not exercise today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I did not clean or straighten today.

I was not showered and I did not brush my teeth today.

I was too sick to discern my mood today, but I think it was good. My temperament was good.


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