December 12, 2015

I awoke a few times shaking. It had been months since I last did that. Perhaps it was a physical manifestation of the stress. If Diego noticed, he didn’t say anything. He woke me up at both 6am and 8am for more sex. He is starting to discover the things that I like and sex with him seems to be improving. By the time he left, my muscles and back were sore from the level of activity that I was so unused to. I was actually glad we didn’t live together because I didn’t think I was physically able to do that every day. I read for a little while, but drifted back to sleep again.

I awoke at 2pm. I was still tired, but less sore. I went on Facebook and saw a post from a friend who is going through a tough time with both a divorce and job loss. My heart went out to him. There was once a time I had a crush on that particular friend but had never acted on it, even to the point of never returning his phone calls because he was married. I was at the end of my marriage at the time and I probably just latched onto him because he showed me the attention I wasn’t getting at home. My crush on him had long since faded and we would have been poorly matched anyway. Nonetheless, I still had residual gratitude for him being there for me when few others were. I offered what help I could, but in the end he didn’t seem to want it. I also suspected that he had something going on with the ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine who really seems to hate me. I feel bad for her. “Hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” It’s a miserable state of mind/emotion to be in. I don’t hate her, but I could see his reluctance to talk to me if he thinks it will piss her off. I don’t understand why guys get in relationships with women like that anyway. Why would they want to be with someone where they feel like they have to walk on eggshells just to avoid her displeasure? It seems like wasted energy that could be used to love and strengthen a relationship instead. Or maybe they like the drama because it reminds them they’re still alive or of how much they love her? Personally, I like quiet, loving relationships with little drama. So far, so good, with Diego!

I was very hungry by this time and ate at a restaurant known for their unhealthy food. It was maybe 10 minutes from my house, but by the time I got home, I was feeling physically ill. My stomach hurt. Why couldn’t I have eaten the salad there? It looked tasty, but I had insisted on eating the loaded fries instead. And my stomach rebelled for awhile afterwards.

I was still tired and unmotivated. This couldn’t just be from all of the sex. Maybe my body needed this break to unwind from all of the stress of the week. I tried to give myself up to it, but I hoped I would be more productive tomorrow. I got a text from Diego asking to hang out again tomorrow evening. I like the routine we have gotten into. During the week, we talk and spend time together. On Friday night is the sex marathon and Sunday night is a combination of the two.

Today I gave up my need to work my to-do list and tried to allow myself the rest my body clearly needed.

Today I’m grateful for a good relationship, the luxury of sleeping in, and a much-needed day of rest.

I tried to be there for a friend who needed it.

I spent no time in nature today.

I spent $22 on food today.

I slept for about 7 hours last night plus at least 3 hours during the day.

I did not meditate today.

I did not exercise today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I did not straighten or clean today.

I was showered but I did not brush my teeth today.

I was so tired all day, I couldn’t discern my mood. I think it was good. My temperament was good.


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