December 9, 2015

Today Diego rode my train again. This seems to be a regular occurrence now, not that I’m complaining. He actually kissed me once in the train car today. It’s nice to know that he’s comfortable enough with me and with us that he could do that. He seems to be paranoid about people not liking the fact that he’s Hispanic and I’m not. I’m not saying that there aren’t people like that, but I think there are less of them than he thinks.

I had a long and stressful day at work again. My principal put even more on my pile of things to do. What she asked me to do was time consuming and the sort of thing that nobody else could do. She also watched me put up decorations today and directed where several of them should go. I know she wants the school to look nice, but did she really have to micromanage it on that level!?

Halfway through the day, the stress got to me and I started eating the cookies that somebody left in the faculty room. I couldn’t have just one. I kept going back for more, and more, and more. I was stress eating and the effects of the food increased the stress even more. I was extremely exhausted by the end of the school day. It didn’t help that I had to stay late for a meeting with my principal to dictate more of what I needed to do.

I was waiting at the train station when I got a text from Diego. He was at the connecting station. It looked like we would be riding home together! I don’t remember half of what we did or said or talked about. The fog of the stress was surrounding me. There were a few minutes where we had fun. I had been given a gift from a student and it had tons of glitter on it. The glitter got everywhere and we both had fun rubbing it on the other one.

When we got off the train, I drove Diego home. We spent almost an hour talking again. This time, we talked a lot about doing the right thing because it was right, not because we were going to get caught doing the wrong thing. He also compared me to Hispanic women again. It nettled me, though many things seem to be bothering me lately. I wonder if the stress is making me less tolerant and less patient than usual. As I thought about it on the way home, the next time he compares me unfavorably to Hispanic women, I will tell him to go date one of them. But I was in my brain fog of stress and wasn’t thinking clearly still. As much as I enjoyed my time with Diego, with his conversation and kisses, all I really wanted was to go home and go to bed. When he kissed me for the last time, he said, “I love you,” in English. I said it back, and I was pretty sure that this time I meant it.

———————–

Today I gave up my need to control. It’s only because I had no powers of concentration left for it.

Today I’m grateful for getting to ride on the train with Diego, the fact that I was able to push myself to get things done, and that glitter that Diego wore in his face and his hair for the rest of the day.

I gave Diego a ride to and from the train station.

I spent 40 minutes in nature today.

I spent $5.75 on parking and $8 on food.

I slept for about 6 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I exercised for 40 minutes today.

I did not follow my diet today.

I did not straighten but I cleaned today.

I was not showered and did not brush my teeth today.

My mood was fluctuated between happy, neutral, and stressed. My temperament was good.

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