November 28, 2015

I awoke in Diego’s arms with a sore throat, feeling very tired. We had morning sex, but I was so afraid of waking my upstairs neighbors that I didn’t enjoy it. He seemed bothered by that fact because he mentioned it several times. It took me a while in hindsight to figure out why I didn’t enjoy it. I wasn’t sure at the time, so I just told him I was very tired, which was also true.

I had planned to get a lot done after he left, but I ended up going back to sleep. I only had time to pack and leave for my youngest sister’s house after I woke up. I made a long drive through a lot of bad traffic. I finished my pack of cigarettes and told myself I was going to make another attempt at quitting.

My sister was having some friends over for dinner. There was little food that I could eat there, but I followed my diet. Then came the dessert. She had made my favorite dessert. I gave in and took a small amount. Then I went back for seconds. And thirds. And fourths. I had never considered myself a compulsive eater before, but this clearly proved otherwise.

Then I had some wine. Her friend has vastly different beliefs than me. As I stated yesterday, blind faith in a book that was written by men of faith and heavily edited since then, doesn’t sit well with me. I caught myself before I was too much of an asshole. I hid a snicker at her beliefs then excused myself to go to bed. The room was cold and the blankets were inadequate. It took me a while to get to sleep. I slept fitfully, tossing and turning, waking up when I got cold or uncomfortable, which was often. I awoke to what sounded like a phone call from my sister. I assumed she had somehow had dialed me in her sleep because it was 2am. I texted her, just in case. She was at the emergency room and her calls didn’t wake her husband up. I woke him up and he explained what happened. She had been having back problems, but after I went to bed, she couldn’t get out of her chair. He convinced her to go to the emergency room. He asked if I could keep an eye on their daughter while he drove to pick her up. I went back to bed and shivered while waiting to hear anything from their sleeping daughter. Eventually, they returned and I went back to sleep.

———————

Today I’m grateful that my health isn’t worse, that I was able to mostly hold my tongue around my sister’s friend, and that I was able to help my sister.

I watched my sister’s daughter when they needed me to.

I spent no time in nature today.

I spent $30 at the grocery store and $12 on fast food today.

I slept for about 10 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I did not exercise today.

I did not follow my diet.

I did not straighten or clean today.

I was showered but did not brush my teeth today.

My mood fluctuated from happy to neutral. My temperament was good.

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