November 22, 2015

I slept poorly on my couch. I awoke early and was not very well rested. I got to the laundromat right after it opened to wash my blankets and sheets. After I finished, I caught the early show of the last Mockingjay movie. As I waited for the movie to start, I texted Diego. He had never answered my question last night and I was worried he had misinterpreted something that I wrote. It turns out, he had. He asked if I had sex with Jason. I told him no and that I never even kissed Jason. I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend again. He ignored the question. The movie was sadder than I expected and I cried. I think I was crying a lot because of the movie and a little because of Diego’s uncertainty.

After the movie, I drove to my friend Rebecca’s house for her birthday. The depressed feeling from crying was hard to get rid of. Several of my friends were there. I enjoyed seeing them again, but I was also really tired. I was reluctant to talk about Diego. It wasn’t for any reason except that they have seen me through all of the ups and downs of my love life since I split up with my ex-husband and I didn’t want to burden them with more of it. Also with Diego’s reluctance to discuss the boyfriend issue, I really didn’t want to talk about it because talking about it would make me worry about it more. Rebecca asked about my love life, however. I told them I was seeing somebody new. She inquired whether he was single, kind, and makes me happy. She gathered from the smile on my face that things were good. Diego kept texting me throughout the duration of the my time there. I felt kind of rude texting him, but I discovered that when I didn’t, I started falling asleep. I had to choose between two ways of being rude. I chose to continue texting and joined in the conversations the best that I could.

During the texts between me and Diego, we made plans for the evening. I got home, cleaned up my apartment, showered, and put the cleaned sheets and blankets on my bed. I took the blankets and pillows off of the couch. I wanted no reason for him to suspect that anything happened between me and Jason, even though I slept there because a cat peed on my blankets. It was a good night. We discussed the difference between relationships between his country and here. I tried to tell him that here all people are different, that everyone has different backgrounds and customs. He said that many people here don’t care about others, that they’re “cold”, that I’m not like them because I had a good heart. He said that here when a husband and wife go to a party, they spend time on opposite ends of the room. I thought about the insisted independence of my ex-husband. He made me feel like I was needy and selfish for wanting his attention when we were out together, so for a long time I thought I was needy and selfish. Now I have a man who likes me for all that I am. He’s telling me that it’s not kind to behave that way. A man who seems drawn to the parts of me that I had always considered faults; trifling things (to me) that I’ve had American men complain about. A man who hadn’t had sex for three years before he met me. A man who won’t give me a straight answer when I bring up the boyfriend issue, even though he brought it up after our first date. I didn’t push the issue since I spent half the day explaining that nothing happened with me and Jason. The sex was good. I dropped him off around 11 and knew I would be tired at work the next day. But I didn’t care.


Today I’m grateful for good friends, getting to do everything I wanted to today, and for good sex.

I left a small stack of quarters on top of the change machine at the laundromat and donated $5 at the grocery store to feed local families on Thanksgiving.

I did not spend time in nature today.

I spent $10 on laundry, $13 on snacks at the movie theater, $15 at the grocery store, and $32 in gas today.

I slept for about 6 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I did no exercise today.

I mostly followed my diet. I didn’t realize there was added sugar in the yams a friend made.

I straightened and cleaned today.

I was showered and brushed my teeth today.

My mood fluctuated from depressed to happy a few times, but always tired. My temperament was good.


2 thoughts on “November 22, 2015

  1. Hi. I’m glad that things with Diego are going well and that he is appreciating you for yourself. Also, congratulations on setting the boundaries you wanted with Jason. You are right that you’ve repeated your pattern of getting attached to someone really quickly. However, I hope that Diego will give you a good experience and not hurt you. It is somewhat concerning that he is avoiding the question about whether he wants to be your boyfriend or not. Since he asked you initially to be his girlfriend, I wonder what his hesitation is. I wonder if he feels that you will say no again should he bring up the topic once more?

    Your entry dated Nov 18th is missing. Since it appears that something significant happened with Diego on that date, could you check and see if it didn’t post? If you intentionally did not want to post that entry, I apologize for prying.

    Take care of yourself!

    • Thank you for continuing to read all of the weirdness that is the blog of my life! I’m glad things are happening the way they are, too! Also, thanks for pointing out that I was missing a day. I went back and realized that it was still a draft. I had never published it!!!

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