November 20, 2015

When I woke up on my own, I looked at my clock and realized that my alarm had never gone off. I didn’t have time to do anything. I packed my lunch and breakfast, ate a banana, and left. I missed the first train. Diego was on the second train. We sat together and talked. He told me more of the story of his coming to this country. He’s an electrician, so I assumed he had a green card or a work visa or something. It turns out that he entered the country illegally through Texas. The crime rate in his country was so bad that he had a scar where a bullet had nicked his skin. People were trying to rob him because he had money and they didn’t. So he left and paid a lawyer in Texas $8,000 to get him papers to be here legally. The lawyer took the money and never did anything for him. He worked here illegally and was eventually deported. He returned five years ago, got a job near me, hired a different lawyer, and now he’s here legally. He doesn’t exactly have a green card, but he’s here legally, so I suppose that’s what matters. All I could think was how horrible the violence would have to be to make him want to leave home and come to another country. He told me stories of his cousins getting killed by guns because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. He showed me a picture of a little girl with him when they were both four years old. She was shot six months later. The shooter was aiming at her father.

I thought about what my conservative step-father would say to this story. I had always been on the fence about the immigration issue before. Now I was thankful that he got a second chance to be here, otherwise I never would have met him. He told me that today’s news was about hundreds of illegal immigrants being deported, probably because of what happened in France. I am inclined to think that most of these illegal immigrants are here escaping something worse. Sure, there are a few that cause trouble, but I really think they’re in the minority. Is it worth it to deny help to so many other people that need it because of a few bad apples? And listening to my conservative “Christian” coworkers complain alternately about how the “Mexicans” stole all the jobs while apparently being lazy and living off of government welfare at the same time was seriously pissing me off. I had known that I had different values from them, but it does amaze me sometimes how far many “Christians” stray from the actual teachings of Christ.

Okay, I’m done with my rant, but I really felt passionate about it when I heard Diego’s story. During our train ride, I really wanted him to hold my hand. I even put mine out there, palm up, but he never did. I felt disappointed, but reasoned that he probably thinks that this is a fuck buddy situation. Then when we arrived at the connecting station, he gave me an awkward hug and a kiss on the cheek before he left.

The rest of my day went well. I actually got to leave from work early. I got home in time to shower, clean, sweep, do dishes, and empty the garbage. I even had time to spare, since Diego was running late, so I played my guitar while I waited. It felt like a long time since I played and I missed it. He came in while I was playing. Surprisingly, he said nothing about it. Most guys are impressed because I play well.

We settled down on my couch and cuddled. We made it through most of the movie before we couldn’t stop kissing each other. We made it to the bedroom and had sex three more times. He clearly felt bad that I didn’t orgasm, but I did get closer every time we did it. I think it will just be a matter of time before I can. We cuddled a lot too. I loved the feel of his skin against mine, the smell of him. The feeling of the intensity of rightness as we cuddled together was difficult to describe. If one could feel intense contentment, I guess that’s what I felt. I also felt like I had been with him before and we were coming back together after a long absence. Like I said, it was difficult to describe. He left late, kissing me as he went. I wish he would ask me to be his girlfriend again, because this time I know I would say yes.

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Today I’m grateful for a guy who is sweet, who was able to move forward from a disturbing past, and who cares about me.

I didn’t do any acts of kindness that stand out in my mind.

I spent about 20 minutes in nature today.

I spent $5.75 on parking today.

I slept for about 6 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I did about 20 minutes of exercise today.

I did not follow my diet. I accidentally left my food in my car when I went to work, so I had pizza and soda for breakfast and lunch.

I straightened and cleaned today.

I was showered and brushed my teeth today.

My mood was happy and nervous all day. My temperament was good.

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