November 19, 2015

I drove to work today. The traffic was a great reminder why I take the train. I needed my car because I had parent teacher conferences in the evening. Even though I was tired, I came up with a novel idea. Today I taught my most dreaded classes. I decided to try and see what I could do to have fun with those classes. I didn’t change the lesson plans to make them more fun, but I tried to enjoy teaching them more. I was surprised, but it worked. I did find it more enjoyable. And maybe I am just seeing things through rose-colored glasses, but I think the students enjoyed it more too.

In general, I found it difficult to focus on my lessons today. Usually teaching is a very meditative process because my entire focus is on the students and what I’m doing. Today flashes of memories from last night intruded into my thoughts. The feel of his skin when cuddling. Sweet words he said to me. I blushed at the memories on more than one occasion. I hope it wasn’t obvious to my students.

I also was worried that he only wanted sex or that it wasn’t going to last. Something in my psychological makeup decided it didn’t want to lose him. That I was scared to lose him. I tried not to freak out or say or do anything stupid. But I overanalyzed everything he texted me during my lunch break. I told myself that I needed to just be happy about what happened and to try to be detached to any possible outcome. But it was difficult.

Other than the one parent who disagreed with my choices in art, nobody wanted to talk to me. The meeting with that parent went surprisingly well. I’m not terribly eloquent, but in that meeting I was able to say what I needed to to placate her.

The rest of the time at parent teacher conferences was spent in my room hanging out with the Spanish teacher. Diego and I were texting and she was helping me translate. My translator app doesn’t always work right. She also advised me not to sleep with him until the 5th date. I didn’t tell her that I messed that one up. I was surprised when she implied that I was dating beneath me, considering that she has some sort of Spanish heritage too. She was able to translate “corozonido” which means he called me his “little heart” which was sweet. We made plans to spend Friday night together. I was a little concerned that all he wanted was sex because he asked when we could do it again. I asked if he was using me for sex and he said no. He said we could finish watching that movie that we started last time. I was happy about that because I did want to see it and I wanted to spend non-sex time together. Well, I will see him again tomorrow. I think what my biggest problem is that I have so many feelings for a guy who I don’t know all that well. I suppose that will change, but for the meantime, its unsettling.
Today I’m grateful for having a good day with my tougher classes, a good meeting, and having a good time with the Spanish teacher, who I did not know well.

I did a kindness for myself, which was to enjoy and have fun with my more difficult classes.

I spent about 40 minutes in nature today.

I spent $5.75 on parking and $32 on gas today.

I slept for about 6 hours last night.

I did not meditate today.

I did about 40 minutes of exercise today.

I followed my diet today

I did not straighten or clean today.

I was showered but did not brush my teeth today.

My mood was happy and tired all day. My temperament was good.


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