October 31, 2015

I awoke in the morning and got a lot of stuff done. I was both dreading and looking forward to the party I was invited to. I was invited by an acquaintance and I knew nobody there. I told myself I could make friends. I told myself I would not drink or eat things I was not supposed to. Almost everyone there was at least 10 years younger. I did not understand half of the costumes as they were patterned off of video games, movies, and tv shows I had never heard of. Everybody there had come with a significant other and most of them had couples costumes. I had one decent conversation about books with one girl, but she quickly disappeared. By the time I was there for a few hours, I was ready to leave, but felt awkward announcing it. Room by room, I made my way to the door. I finally hung out on the porch until everyone went inside and I left.

When I got home, I started drinking. I had not eaten dinner, so my body told me to drink quickly because it needed the calories. It didn’t take long before I was drunk. I apologized to my cats for taking such poor care of them and told them how much I love them. I asked God, the universe, whatever was out there to fill the hole I felt in my heart. I didn’t even know what caused the hole anymore.   I asked to bring people into my life that were my kind of weird. I asked over and over. I cried. I realized that I was drunk and went to bed, crying myself to sleep.


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