October 25, 2015

I slept for almost 10 hours. It was WONDERFUL! I had a dream. It was the first time in a long time that I remembered my dreams. I dreamed that Charlotte, an acquaintance of mine from a few years ago was visiting me and wanted to go on a hike. We agreed to a section hike on the Appalachian Trail. For those of you who don’t know, it starts in Georgia and ends in Maine. It runs through several states, including mine. I didn’t have half of the things we would need, but she did, so I packed my pack as well as I could and we set off. It started to get dark before long. She wanted to continue on, but I couldn’t see the trail, so I convinced her to stop for the night. I didn’t have a tent (which I do in real life), so I slept outside in my sleeping bag. I awoke the next morning to see her walking away on the trail, essentially leaving me there. I was very annoyed at first, then thought to myself, “I can do this.” I only really needed a water filtration device, which I could buy. I told myself I had two months off where I wouldn’t work and that I really could keep walking the trail until I wanted to stop. I saw that there was a glass of water next to my sleeping bag, probably left by Charlotte. I took a sip and saw these small, white, translucent fish-looking creatures. I was glad I had only had a sip and left with the feeling that I could leave and easily procure what I needed to continue the trail.

While I am no dream interpreter, I think the message of the dream is pretty clear. The wrong partner in life will leave me when I think that I need them most. It also shows that I no longer think I need a partner to walk the trail of life. And I finally think that’s true. Yes, I get a longing for a partner, but I find I am no longer lonely without one. Even though I spend the majority of my free time alone, I no longer feel lonely. I still feel a small longing. It’s small, so I can handle it. It also means that I’m not going to just start dating someone because they are there. I will actually attempt to make a good choice. And because there are no good choices currently in my life, that I will likely remain single.

I went grocery shopping and then had a conference call with some ladies in a weight-loss group I had joined. I had not met them before, but I liked it. It was nice knowing that I had support if I needed it. That way, when I get depressed again, I now know that I will actually have a support net, a group of people I could call that I know would be there for me. It was a comforting thought.

I spent the afternoon cleaning and cooking food for the upcoming week. When I was putting my laundry away, I discovered that my dresser was broken beyond repair. I had a few choices. I could buy another “cheap” one for about $120 and have it break in a few years. Or I could spend money I didn’t have for a “quality” one. I went to Chandra’s house and intended to stop by one of those big box stores to buy a “cheap” dresser. However, she kept me there asking me to do more and more for her in the internet that I didn’t end up having time to do it and get home to sleep on time. For the first time in a long time, I felt used. I didn’t like that. I will need to put my foot down next time she tries to do that. It took away from my thoughts of her spirituality. I got home in time to get to bed on time, but I found that I couldn’t sleep. It actually took me a little while to get warm enough to sleep. I thought that was strange because the thermostat was set for 75 degrees Fahrenheit. I really should pick up a thermometer at some point, because I think the thermostat is off.

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