October 19, 2015

I awoke to my cat howling at my bedroom door and looked at my phone. It was the time I was supposed to catch the train at. I needed to drive to work to arrive on time today. When I got there, there was a dead mouse in my classroom closet. The day was good until my last class. I had a student that wouldn’t stop calling out despite the fact that our activity required silence. It became a distraction, so I had him sit outside the classroom in a chair. This did not phase him because he continued to distract the class by his antics out there, so I sent him to the principal’s office. My principal later told me I did wrong. I should not send him to her because it takes away from my authority in the classroom. I didn’t care about my authority, I cared about the ability of my students to pay attention to my lesson. I saw what she meant. She didn’t want to deal with him. I was so angry that I got nothing done for the rest of the day, despite the fact that I had planned to stay late to catch up on work.

It took me about two hours to stop fuming. Afterwards, I had to attend a meeting and the anger came back. There was nothing I could eat according to my diet and I kept being told to eat the food. This brought out the anger again. As did the fact that the meeting lasted 2.5 hours and nothing applied to me. They were all retirees who had all the time in the world and enjoyed socializing and feeling important. I had a 5:55am train to catch in the morning. I also needed to stop at the grocery store on the way home. During the meeting I texted Jake and told him I’d have to postpone hanging out tomorrow because I desperately needed to do laundry. I left out the fact that I was down to my last pair of underwear. He told me that he and his wife had talked again and that we would no longer be having sex. I was quite happy about that and told him that it was no problem. He said he’d explain later, implying that he couldn’t talk now. He apologized again. I again said it wasn’t a problem. Unless it was a problem for him. He again told me that he couldn’t talk now. He knew I was at the meeting, so I didn’t understand why he felt the need to state that.

I didn’t get home until almost 10:00pm. When I got there, Rich wanted to talk about “us”. I told him that unless we discuss otherwise, we are just friends that have “extra fun” sometimes. He said that’s what he also wanted. I’m glad because I’m not sure I’m quite ready for a relationship, much less a long-distance one. I’m also not sure I want one with him.

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