September 14, 2015

I awoke at midnight then again at 3am. Then I awoke with my alarm clock with the remnants of a dream still in my head. In it I encountered several of my exes. Then I was awakened by a guy I didn’t know well, but who wanted me to skip work to have sex with him. I looked at the clock and discovered that I was already two hours late for work. That’s when the guy told me the clock was an hour off, but I was still an hour late. I rushed to get there as soon as I could. He was annoyed that I wouldn’t skip work to be with him. I suspected he wasn’t coming back, but I didn’t care much.

All I really had time to do this morning was to make the food I had planned to make last night so I would have food for lunch. I brought extra to have for a late breakfast at work. I missed the first train. Then I got on the wrong connector train. It dropped me off one station too soon because it became an express train. When I got to that station, the train I was supposed to take was parked in the station, but didn’t realize I was supposed to take it until after it left. So I waited a while for another train, but thankfully made it to the school with maybe five minutes to spare.

My day was good. All of my students were well-behaved and many remembered a lot from last year, which was always gratifying. Even so, by the end of school, I was exhausted. I slept on the train on the way home, in stark contrast to all those who sleep in the morning, I sleep in the afternoon!

When I got home, I went straight to my room, intent on taking a nap. I checked facebook and saw that I had three messages waiting for me. One was just from someone who had sent me a friend request. Another was from Frank, who, in yesterday’s loneliness, I simply messaged with a “hey”. Seeing as the last time we spoke was when I messaged him last about two weeks ago, I didn’t expect much of a reply. Not only has he picked up hiking, but he has started to collect the gear for backpacking too! We chatted entirely about backpacking gear until I mentioned possibly getting together to backpack. Then he didn’t respond.

The last facebook message was from Jack. Because he and his girlfriend broke up and I knew he was having a hard time, I usually make sure to ask him how he’s doing every few days. Usually he doesn’t respond much. Today was different. He started a blog about his healing process and asked me to read it. I guess the contents surprised me so much that I really didn’t realize how well it was written until I perused it again later. He had a really shit time with his ex and I found myself empathizing with him a lot. After considering it, I decided to tell him about this blog. That brings the friends of mine who know about it up to two. He kept complimenting how well-written it was! It made me feel good about it, especially since after writing for 9 months I only really have about 20 followers. We talked a lot. While I knew his ex-girlfriend was a bitch, the depths of her assholity still astounded me. I still maintain that it’s good for him to be rid of her, despite the fact that he will have a lot of recovering to do. The conversation turned to waning sex lives, me with my ex-husband, him with his ex-girlfriend and the topic turned to sex. I was a little reluctant to chat about it. While I have absolutely no qualms talking about sex with friends, I have found that sometimes male friends assume that when you talk to them about sex that it means you want to have sex with them. But I figured he was still so wounded that it shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, I’ll address it when it comes up. I did enjoy talking with him. It gave me hope that this little blog might not be for naught.

Just when I was about to go to bed, my friend Greg messaged me. Greg and I had met in college and were friends on and off ever since. He and his wife had broken up for a few years now and he’s been interested in me. I don’t have interest in him, but still want to remain friends. At a time when I was seriously looking for someone, I wondered why I had no interest in him. I couldn’t figure it out for a long time, until today. There is absolutely no joy in his life. There’s nothing that he loves. He makes snarky comments about everyone and everything, but I think he actually means everything he says. His is a sad existence where intelligence and snarky comments are the only life forms. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t date a guy without intelligence and am often amused by snarky comments, but when that’s his whole life. I couldn’t imagine living like that or with someone like that (again).

—————————————————————————-

Nature: I spent 30 minutes walking in nature today.

Finances: I spent $5.75 on parking and $1 on cookies.

Relationships: I chatted online with Frank, Jack, and Greg and in person with one of the custodians.

Sleep: I slept 7 hours or so.

Exercise: I walked for 30 minutes today.

Diet: I did not follow my diet today.

De-clutter/Clean: I did neither today.

Hygiene: I did not shower or brush my teeth.

Mood and temperament: My mood was good, but I was very tired. My temperament was good.

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