September 12, 2015

I was very tired. Even though I “slept in” until 7:30, I still woke up feeling exhausted. I was volunteered to organize a trail running event and today was the day. I was very nervous because there’s a lot of rules and regulations for organizing that sort of thing and I was afraid that there was something that I didn’t take into consideration. I had a small turnout, but everything went well. The only thing that happened that I was not prepared for was having to be the one to announce the winners and hand out the prizes. There were mostly acquaintances of mine there. However, I found myself alone nearer to the end of the day when my responsibilities were waning. It seemed like everybody there had come there with a significant other. A few of them made small talk, but that was about it.

There was a group dinner planned and I had even already paid into it, so I didn’t have to worry about money. However, I was so tired that I just went home. My plan was to take a nap, but I started feeling lonely considering I was surrounded by acquaintances all day and really didn’t end up hanging out with anybody. I think feeling alone in a crowd is worse than feeling it when you are alone.

I checked my messages on my phone and saw that my mom and Rebecca had both called. My mom just wanted to know how I was.  Rebecca has been trying to get me to attend a spiritual retreat that costs a significant amount of money.  She asked me for all of my information and applied for a scholarship for me.  She asked how I was doing and I told her I was purposely trying not to date.  I told her it had gone well for a few weeks, but that even though I really don’t have the time to date anyone, I’m still lonely.  I wasn’t sure if it was just the lack of friends or the lack of someone to wake up next to.  She listened, but when I asked how she was, she gave a few generic sentences and told me she should get going to cook dinner.  The feeling of loneliness pervaded after I so I went on facebook to “alleviate” my suffering.  It didn’t work.  It just made me go to bed later than I wanted to.


Nature: I spent most of the day outdoors.

Finances: I spent $9 on fast food.

Socialize: I spent time with acquaintances and talked to my mom and Rebecca on the phone.

Sleep: I slept for 7.5 hours.

Meditate: I did not meditate today.

Exercise: I walked around a lot today.

Diet: I did not follow my diet today.

Clean/de-clutter: I did neither today

Hygiene: I did neither today.

Mood and temperament: My mood fluctuated a lot.  I was overtired and therefore overemotional.  Somethings small didn’t go as planned, so I found myself on the verge of tears a few times.  The mood did improve as the day went on. My temperament was good.


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