September 6, 2015

I slept in today and found myself really tired and groggy, even though I had slept a long time. I had a number of errands to run. I needed to go to the grocery store, the farmer’s market, and a gas station. Today I had plans to go on a hike and then a picnic with some friends. I finished preparing the food I was bringing and then I left.

I met my friends and because one of them had to leave early, our plans changed. Originally, we were going to eat our picnic and then go hiking. Now we were going to go hiking first. I’m not sure why, but this annoyed me. Why should all of us change our plans for one person just because she preferred to hike rather than picnic (she only had time to do one of them)? I voiced my opinion and it didn’t matter. We hiked first. As I walked, I wondered why it mattered so much to me. I wonder if it was simply another one of those expectations that was not met. I enjoyed the hike, but really didn’t feel the need to be sociable with anyone. I kept to myself on the hike, but I usually like to enjoy things like that alone anyway. We eventually had our picnic and that was fun too! By the time everyone left, I was pretty wiped out and I still had another friend to visit.

I met my friend Linda at a local park. It had been a while since I hung out with her so I told her my recent desire to give up looking for “the one” for the time being. I told her I just recently realized how obsessed I had been with it. She made a sound that made it sound like it had been obvious to her for a long time now. I also told her the story of what happened while I was camping with both Frank and Tim. She knows Tim quite well and told me something about him that I really didn’t realize. He unknowingly has a habit of pulling people into his drama, especially when they’re trying to improve themselves and get out of it. I thought about it and it seemed true, although I think he does it without realizing it. I also realized that I was glad that I had told him the truth. I don’t expect anything to come of it, but I really feel like lying for that long and holding in the truth from everybody really hurt me. Now that I have told the truth, I feel free, if that makes sense. She also stated that even though things didn’t work out with Frank didn’t mean they wouldn’t work out in the future. While that was true, I tried not to think about that.

I also realized when it will be time for me to date again. When I am able to take care of myself. I’m already pretty content being single, but I need to learn to take care of myself and my home. When I am consistent about keeping things clean, cooking for myself, showing and brushing my teeth regularly, exercising and meditating daily would I consider myself ready. Once I am able to actually feel like I have a good relationship with my friends rather than them being who I hang out with when I can’t hang out with a guy I like or am dating. Yes. I can now admit that’s the role friends had in my life previously. That even sadly goes for my family.

Then she told me about the things she was working on in her life. While they’re not the same things that I’m working on, I feel like she’s a kindred spirit because she, too, is working on herself. It had been too long since I had seen her and felt like our time together was too short, but I was happy for the time we had.

———————————————————————-

Nature: Yes, probably close to 4 hours!

Finances: I spent $5 at a gas station, $56 at the grocery store, $9 at a fast food place, and $23 at the farmers market.

Socialize: I hung out with my friends that I hiked and picnicked with as well as Linda.

Sleep: I slept for 10.5 hours!

Meditate: I did not meditate today.

Exercise: I exercised for about an hour on the hike.

Diet: I did not follow my diet today. I cheated for one meal.

Clean/de-clutter: I did not clean or de-clutter today.

Hygiene: I did not shower or brush my teeth today.

Mood and temperament: My mood was good. Other than my outburst of anger about the change in plans, I was good. I would not call my temperament good because I really was upset for some reason about the change in plans.

 

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