August 9, 2015

I awoke around 8am to find almost everyone up.  I couldn’t tell if I was hungover or still drunk. I mentioned that to Frank and he asked if I could walk in a straight line. I could, so I guessed that I was hung over. I packed what few belongings I had in my backpacking tent.  I sat down, had a cigarette, and put off the inevitable final goodbyes.  It was hard to say goodbye.  I hugged everyone, telling three that “I’m gonna miss you guys”.  I said that to Ashley, Lynn, and Frank.  A few tears came out.  I saved Frank for last.  He was shirtless and held me in a long side-hug.

I started driving. My trip took even longer to drive home than it did to drive there. There was a lot of bad construction on the way. I didn’t cry for the first few hours as I have done in past years. I’m not sure if that’s because I was finally growing up or because of all the fucked up things that happened. I kept thinking of Frank’s voice. It just kept coming into my mind. Usually when someone turns me down, I cry over it and then move on. Only, I haven’t been able to do that with him. I still like him.

Finally, I arrived home, unloaded most of my car, then sat down to skype with Kevin. He got cheated on by his long-distance girlfriend. I told him almost everything from my trip with regards to Frank and Tim. I cried a bit. He thought Tim was an asshole for everything that happened, but otherwise, didn’t comment much. I messaged Frank to let him know that I just wanted to cuddle last night and was not articulate enough to actually tell him that last night when I was drunk. Somehow he already knew, but said he “wasn’t sure if it was a good idea”, whatever that means. He wouldn’t elaborate. I’m not going to lie, it was just nice to chat with him.  He left significantly later than I did, so he didn’t end up getting home until hours after I did, even though he lived closer to the campground.

I was tired and ended up going to bed early.

————————————————————————————-

Finances: I spent close to $40 on fast food and $60 on gas.

Relationships: I said goodbye to my PA friends and skyped with Kevin.

Meditation:  I did not meditate today.

Sleep: I don’t know how long I slept last night because I don’t know when I went to bed.

Exercise:  None.

Diet: I followed my diet today.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I did neither today, unless unloading my car counts.

Hygiene:  I was showered, but did not brush my teeth.

Mood and temperament: I was sad to leave.  I was depressed when I got home.  My temperament was good.

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