I slept in today and again felt very low motivation. I spent a fair amount of time typing up my journals from my camping trip. That didn’t help my depression. As I reread and typed up my week with Frank, I got sad. Things started out so well. It seemed like when the rest of his camp showed up, he changed his mind about me. Not that I blame them at all. It was something else that changed his mind. I don’t think he changed it about me more than he changed his mind about having a relationship with me. Why am I still thinking about him? I know why I’m still communicating with him. He’s been a good friend and I enjoy talking to him. But at the same time, I haven’t lost hope of being with him. I wonder if he feels it too. We talked about the sexual things we into. And the things he likes to do fits really well with the things I like to do. Scarily well. I over-analyzed why he would talk about those things with me. Could it mean he hasn’t given up on me yet? That he wanted to get to know me better still?
I also chatted a bit with Kevin who I managed to convince to come with me to the same retreat. I spent much of my time online again. I looked forward to getting to be around people again tomorrow. I looked forward to hopefully having a life-changing moment as I usually do when I attend these retreats. My life needs a change. I could not get back into the level of contented solitude that I had found before my camping trip. Maybe it’ll help with that too!
Finances: I spent $20 on fast food.
Relationships: I hung out with Kevin and Frank online
Meditation: I did not meditate today.
Sleep: I slept for 7 hours last night.
Exercise: I really didn’t exercise today.
Diet: I did not follow my diet today.
De-cluttering and cleaning: I did both today, but only a small amount.
Hygiene: I did neither today.
Mood and temperament: I was depressed and unmotivated throughout the day. My temperament was good.