July 10, 2015

I woke up depressed and crying.  I told Kevin what happened and he said it was only natural.  He said that I had come out here to find love and got screwed over instead.  I guess he’s right, but my inclination is to give Oliver the benefit of the doubt.  I tried talking to him in the morning to see if he wanted to hang out again.  Yes, it’s pathetic, I know.  I felt like we made a connection and thought he felt it too.  I think I just succeeded in pissing him off.  To be fair, I was rather emotional and didn’t do a great job of hiding it when I was talking to him.

We went to the beach, but it was very hot there and I got a sunburn, so we went out to eat.  I ate some food with gluten in it and was sick after that.  I spent the rest of the day on the computer.  I decided to stop talking to Oliver because I felt like anything I said would make things worse.  I left the singles group stating that I was hurting too much to give anyone else a chance right now.  That caused several people to message me.  Some were looking to prey on a wounded heart, but I shut them down quickly.  Others were curious what happened.  The rest actually were decent conversationalists.  And while I’m really not ready to give my heart to anyone (as I told them all when I irst started talking to them) it really felt nice to be getting attention.

My step-mom could tell that something was wrong.  I blamed my lack of sleep. I blamed lots of things, but I don’t think she believed me.  I tried to act like I was enjoying myself with them, but it was difficult when I was so miserable and, at times, was holding back tears.

———————————————————————————————-

Relationships: I spent time with my dad and step-mom

Meditation:  I did not meditate today.

Sleep: I slept 8 hours last night.

Exercise:  I walked for maybe 15 minutes.

Diet: I followed my diet, except for lunch.  I ended up having meat that was breaded at the restaurant I was at and didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.  I wish I had because my intestinal tract was not happy with the gluten.

De-cluttering and cleaning: n/a, I’m still not home.

Hygiene:  I showered yesterday.

Mood and temperament: My mood was bad being very depressed, but at least I kept my temperament in check.

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