June 23, 2015

My morning meditation did not go well today.  I could not focus, so what usually takes me 40 minutes took me an hour.  I also felt a heaviness in my chest, mostly on the left side, but partially on the right.  Even though I woke up on my own, which means I must have slept enough, I found it more difficult to get things completed today.  When I weighed myself, I had lost 2 more pounds.  I couldn’t get excited about this fact for some reason.  Maybe it’s because I have so much further to go!

My schedule got messed up because I had to stop by work and complete some paperwork. By the time I got to my workout, it was noon, sunny, over 90 degrees, and humid.  And I had decided that today I was going to start running.  After a warm-up walk, I ran as fast as I could for as long as I could.  It wasn’t long.  I had a few brief spurts of running, then I felt that same heaviness in my chest that I felt this morning in my meditation.  I contemplated giving up, wondering if there was a real problem.  I decided to walk until it went away and it did, but it came back every time I ran.

I think I may have overdone it with my run in those conditions.  When I got back, I was hot, sticky, and completely unmotivated.  I ate something and spent some time online.  Then I fell asleep for two hours!  When I awoke I was significantly more depressed and less motivated.  Things went downhill from there.  I messaged Oliver and told him I was depressed.  I explained how I see things negatively using an example of a friend I had chatted with that day.  He suggested that I might have paranoia.  I looked online for symptoms, but concluded that since I am capable of trusting people and I don’t think people are out to get me, I’m not paranoid.

I didn’t hear back from him and was afraid my mental illness scared him off.  It wouldn’t be the first time someone got scared off by it.  So I gave him some time and ordered food.  After I ate, I felt so much better!  I started to wonder if the depression was caused by a nutrient deficiency.  If so, I couldn’t figure out what it could be based on the meal.   It had tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, chicken, rice noodles and a cilantro sauce.  To drink I had a mixture of lemon juice, grapefruit juice, lime juice, ginger, with agave syrup and a mint leaf.  With so many good-for-me things, I had no idea which one was the key to making me feel better.

I chatted a bit with Kevin and then decided to call Oliver to get it over with.  Surprisingly, things were fine!  I decided not to mention it and neither did he.  He was having his own problems with his landlord.  I complained about mine.  The water in my kitchen sink wasn’t working today.  We both couldn’t wait to get out of our current living situations.  I told him all about the state where I live with the hiking and camping.  I told him about the beautiful mountains and which ones I climbed.  I guess my descriptions were favorable because he said, jokingly (I think), that he wanted to move here.  So I jokingly asked if he wanted a roommate.  We launched into a conversation of ideal living situations and what they would be. Hypothetically, of course.


Meditation: I meditated today.

Sleep: I slept 7 hours last night.

Exercise:  I walked and ran.

Diet: I followed my diet, except for dinner.  I had some rice noodles and sugar.

De-cluttering and cleaning:  I did both today.

Hygiene:  I brushed my teeth today.

Mood and temperament:  I became increasingly depressed throughout the day until I talked to Oliver, then it improved. My temperament was good.


2 thoughts on “June 23, 2015

  1. I’m sorry to hear that you were depressed. Have you been tested for diabetes? Frequently diabetes looks like depression. If you felt better after you ate, that may be why. Or it may be that you are not eating enough at the beginning of the day. Do you eat breakfast?

    • I have been tested for diabetes many times and those tests were always negative. I ate 2 eggs and sausage for breakfast and 4 stuffed cabbages with a peach for lunch. I had plenty to eat.

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