June 19, 2015

I had a half day of work today.  I also got paid for a side project so I was very pleased about that.  I had planned to drive to pick up Kevin for the weekend.  I had to pick up something near where he lived anyway.  I also deposited my check and had an inner debate on how much of my money should be spent on bills, re-paying debts, etc., how much should be spent on items that I want/need, and how much I should save for a house down-payment or a possible emergency.  It was almost $6,000, so it was a decent amount, but not enough to do everything I want to.  I felt celebratory for all of five minutes.

It didn’t take long after I picked Kevin up, that I realized that I was remarkably irritable.  Everything he did pissed me off.  I went for a walk with him and ate something, so that helped a bit.  Because my place is so small, there was no place for me to talk on the phone in private, so I took a walk.  I talked to Oliver for a good hour.  I’m really starting to like him.  I’m trying not to get my hopes up about him, but I can’t help it.  He really seems to be everything I wanted in a guy.  He wants to be a father almost as badly as I want to be a mother!  We both want to work to grow our own food and live as sustainably as possible.  We both believe in the same things, religion-wise.  We both are working to improve our health with diet and exercise, though he’s doing better than I am.  We are both working to improve our spirit with meditation, though I’m doing better than he is.  He even mentioned that if we hit it off like he thinks we might, he’s going to see me all the time.  He didn’t say he wanted to move in right away, but it was definitely hinted at.  And I’m oddly okay with that.  It’s not just because I could use the help with the bills, because I’m lonely, or because I would like someone to share the chores.  All of those things are true.  If he is who and what he seems to be, I would rather be with him than be apart.  Again, I’m getting ahead of myself.  I need to stop with the expectations and “what-ifs”.

———————————————————————————————–

Meditation: I meditated today.

Sleep: I slept 5 hours last night.

Exercise:  None

Diet: I barely followed my diet.  It didn’t help that I had a small breakfast and waited to eat lunch.  I started getting ravenous around 3pm and just got the nearest food, which turned out to be pizza.

De-cluttering and cleaning:  I de-cluttered this evening.

Hygiene:  I showered but did not brush my teeth today.

Mood and temperament:  My mood was good today, but I experienced a ton of irritability later in the night.  I was ready to smack Kevin for no apparent reason.

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