May 11, 2015

I had a difficult time waking up this morning.  When I did wake up, I went online and saw a picture of Bryan with another woman.  For all I know, she’s just a friend of his that he never mentioned before, but it still hurt.  Why did it hurt?  Because he dumped me.  He’s supposed to be steeped in regret for dumping me, not moving on.  And how can he find someone else when I can’t!?  As illogical as they may be, these were the thoughts that went through my mind when I saw this picture.

I had asked a friend about Salvatore and found out that he’s not single.  I can see why, but I was still disappointed.  I heard back from him today.  Since it took him a day to respond to me, I decided to take a day to respond to him.  During that time, I need to decide whether it would be better to become his friend or avoid him as much as I can. Granted, since I’ve seen him around for years, avoiding him might be difficult.

I feel like over the past few years, everybody I had any kind of sexual tension or question marks with has reappeared in my life (like Salvatore who I had admired for years from afar).  It almost seems planned, like somebody good is coming my way and I should have no doubts about anything I could have had with anyone else.  Well, there’s no doubt that I could have anything with any of the guys currently in my life.  It’s kind of depressing.  What if there is no guy out there for me?  What if I never get the one thing I have always wanted since I was little, a family?  I just have to try to have hope because the alternative is not something that I want to face.

After work, I went to the dentist.  I had some serious pain and it still hurts.  There’s nothing like physical pain to put things in perspective and cancel out any emotional pain. That’s why cutters cut, or so my hypothesis was back when I used to cut myself.  Even so, I wish this tooth pain would go away!


Exercise: none

Diet:  horrible

De-cluttering and cleaning: none

Hygiene:: I brushed my teeth, but didn’t shower

Mood – Fluctuated throughout the day.  My temperament was also good.




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