April 11-April 17

April 11th
I went to a gathering of friends.  I was unsure if I would enjoy myself, but I was determined to try.  Even though it had been almost two years, there were several friends who took my ex-husband’s side in the break-up.  Even though both of us insisted that nobody take sides.  There were still some “friends” who talked about me behind my back, but I didn’t know which friends they were.  Because of that, I always felt paranoid hanging out with our mutual friends.  I still did my best to try and have a good time and I tried to be friendly to everyone nonetheless.  My ex-husband was also there, but I tried not to talk to him too much.  His girlfriend was there and I didn’t want her getting jealous of me.  That and I really don’t have anything to say to him.  My heart still skips a beat whenever I see him, so I didn’t want to give anything away by actually talking to him.

After it was over, I drove up to Bryan’s place.  As always, we had difficulty keeping our hands off of each other and couldn’t stop kissing.  It’s so nice having a boyfriend who is affectionate and who really has a hard time not kissing or touching me.  There’s something comforting about knowing someone feels that way about you.

April 12th
We spent the morning kissing and cuddling and having sex, as usual.  Then his sister called and she came over.  We ate lunch with her and her kids.  Then we smoked pot and had sex high.  It was great!  I did worry about the fact that he was smoking pot.  His job drug tests, but he didn’t seem concerned.  If he wasn’t, I didn’t see it as my job to lecture him about it.  His kids came home after dinner, but I didn’t see them for long.  His youngest curled up with me on the couch and went so he put them to bed not long after they arrived.  He invited me to stay the night again.  We stayed up late and fell asleep watching tv.

April 13th
I got up very early and left for work.  I got home, changed, picked up a fast food breakfast and went to work.  I struggled with staying awake at work.  I bought a few caffinated sodas hoping that the combination of caffeine and high fructose corn syrup, my body would be shocked into a state of relative alertness.  It didn’t work.  I did my best to do my job, but when I got home, I crawled straight into bed.  However, I didn’t sleep.  I guess the caffeine had kicked in by then.   Then a number of friends came out of the woodwork to chat.  They were all people I hadn’t talked to in a long time, so it was good to do that!  I even talked to two friends on the phone.  I found out that the matter with the “friends” talking behind my back had been resolved, so I was very relieved. Because of all the catching up with old friends, I got to bed late, but it was worth it.

April 14th
Again, all day I struggles with staying awake.  I couldn’t think clearly and ended up ranting a little philosophically at my 8th grade class.  Thankfully it was 8th graders.  They’re too busy worrying about fitting in with each other to pay much attention to what a teacher says anyway.   I went to bed early in hopes that I would catch up on sleep.

April 15th
I woke up early and straightened up my apartment, swept, and cooked a few items in advance for dinner.  Work was different for me today.  I realized that all of the children I teach are somebody’s kids. I thought of Bryan’s kids and thought how I would like them to be treated in school, even when they misbehaved.  I found my experience to be even more rewarding!

I was on my way home when Bryan texted me to let me know he was on his way.  I was glad I was able to clean up a bit this morning, because I didn’t have any time to do any straightening up after I got home.  He arrived not long after I did.  It turns out that the auto parts place gave me the wrong part, so he went with me to get the right one. The store I returned it to was so inept, that we had to go to a different one.   I had forgotten my wallet at home and they had asked that I pre-pay, so he paid for my part.  By the time all of this got sorted out, I was feeling kinda numb with the stress and resultant depression that comes with it.

I finished dinner and he helped me with chopping vegetables.  We ate and watched tv and then spend the rest of the night in bed, so I completely forgot to go to the atm to pay him back.  My one cat decided to pee on the bathroom floor instead of the litter box, even though I had scooped the litter that morning.  I was mad, so I kept calling him names and refused to pet him.  Otherwise, it was a great night!  We fell asleep in each others arms like always.

April 16th
We awoke in each others arms.  I know I always say it, but it’s such a nice feeling.  We kissed and cuddled and he got going a little late because we had sex again.  I tried to get him to leave, but he wanted to stay.  We made plans for me to come and visit him Sunday afternoon and stay over again on Sunday night.

Work was good, but long.  I got there early and stayed late.  I had a lot to do and a lot to catch up on.  Grades are due next week, so with everything else I had to do, I started to feel stressed.  Again, I treated the kids like they were Bryan’s and again was pleased with the outcome.  When I got home, I spend the whole evening working to catch up on work.  I didn’t get anywhere close to finished, but I figured the more I did the things that needed to be done, the less there would be to stress over.  I got to bed late, and went right to sleep.

April 17th
Again I got to work early and stayed late.  I made some heavy duty mistakes with the copy machine and used 410 copies up on one thing when half of the things that got copied didn’t need it.  It was another good day at work. One of my coworkers recommended a trustworthy auto mechanic near where I live. I didn’t leave work until 5:00.  Once I got things done that had to be done at work, I went home and worked all night. I weighed myself and found that I had put 4lbs back on over the course of the month.  I also hadn’t done any exercise this week either.  I wondered why I couldn’t stick with either my diet or exercise.  I purposely made the goals small so they would be manageable.  Maybe I should report which meals I ate that I followed my diet with each day.  That way I feel like I could report something good and maybe see where the issues lie.  I also got stressed to the point where I wanted a cigarette, so I bought them and smoked a few in between projects. I started falling asleep at my computer around 10:30.

—————————————————————-

Exercise: I did my stretches and PT on both Saturday and Monday morning, but I didn’t do any cardio and I didn’t stretch or do PT again later in the week.

Diet: I did not follow my diet any day this week.

De-clutter and clean: I cleaned and de-cluttered one day this week.

Hygiene: There were four days when I was adequately showered and I didn’t brush my teeth at all.

Mood and temperament: I was in a good mood on Saturday and a great mood on Sunday.  On Monday and Tuesday I was so tired, that I don’t know what my mood was. My mood varied on Wednesday.  I was content, then stressed, then happy.  On Thursday, I was up, but stressed.  Friday was the same.  I think my temperament was good, but I am debating whether or not I actually lost my temper with the cat.  I didn’t feel like I had lost my temper, but I still treated him poorly.

 

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