Monday, April 6th
Today wasn’t really terribly exciting. My little brother came to visit and I was able to get a lot of things done. I think all he really needed was the company. That was good, because I couldn’t think of how to entertain him or really much that I even had to say to him. We had had such extensive conversations online that I felt like I had nothing left to say to him when I saw him in person. He followed me to the dentist as I got a tooth drilled. Again, I fell asleep watching movies with him. I was glad I was able to do that because he was able to leave the light on as long as he needed it before he was ready to go to bed.
Tuesday, April 7th
I dropped off Kevin and met a friend to go hiking. It was drizzling out, but we didn’t let that stop us! It was a good hike and we had some good conversations. After the hike, I
Wednesday, April 8th
I woke up early and started getting a lot of stuff done. I wanted my apartment to look and smell decent for when my massage buddy stopped by. My bed sheets were in the dryer when he told me he was sick and wouldn’t be coming. This is the second time he cancelled on me in a month. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t bother scheduling with him because he isn’t reliable.
I expressed my disappointment to Bryan. He offered to give me a long massage when I saw him. I was surprised. The main reason I kept my massage buddy was because Bryan and I really can’t massage each other for long before something else happens. We just can’t keep our hands off each other! That’s not a bad thing, but it doesn’t help my sore muscles.
My back had really been hurting, so I took a bath in hopes of relaxing my sore back. I lingered in the tub reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I read about her experience with her husband. While there were many differences in our situations, her feelings about the ending of her marriage were very akin to mine. I started getting depressed because of it. Finally, the water got cold for the third time and I grabbed my razor to shave my armpits. I look over at my left armpit and hanging from my arm is an insect. It must have been a tick! I have considered myself to be pretty calm under many situations. I have dealt with a student with a gushing head wound, a boyfriend vomiting all over himself, I have lived in a cabin for months with camel crickets and all other manner of insects, I can catch and clean fish, but for some reason, when there was a tick hanging out of my flesh, I experienced a revulsion unlike anything I had ever felt before. My first reaction was “GET IT OUT!!!!!” I didn’t have any tweezers, so I wasn’t sure what to do. I recalled a moment from my childhood with my mom doing something with a tick on my dog with a match. I grabbed a lighter and held the flame to the tick until it hurt my flesh too much, which wasn’t long. I checked on the internet. Everyone had their own tick removal trick. I was starting to get desperate. Some of the sites stated the real need for a pair of tweezers. The thought of putting a shirt on over my tick, walking to my car, driving to the store, buying the tweezers, and then getting to pull the thing out of me was more than I could take. I broke down and just grabbed the thing as close to the skin as I could between my two fingers and pulled. I had to pull hard. And the head popped off while inside me. Then I looked back on the internet again for what to do when the tick head is still stuck inside you. The sites all differed in advice. Some said that it would be fine if you left it in. Other sites recommended removing it like you would remove a splinter. There were even some that advised seeing a doctor right away. The head was pretty far in my arm, so I decided to leave it alone. Even though the fact that a parasite actively sucking my blood out of my arm freaked me out, I was much more okay with having its disembodied head stuck in my arm. I still was very shaken up about it, so I really didn’t get a lot done by the time Bryan came over.
Much to my surprise, Bryan was able to restrain himself long enough to give me a full body massage. It was wonderful! I offered to return the favor, but after touching me all over, he wanted something else. I was happy to oblige. I had a conversation that I had been meaning to have with him. I asked about the rule where we see each other once a week since we had seen each other three times and four days last week. He said he missed me and wanted to be with me. I asked him about the issues that were the reason we broke up. He said that the more that he lets go and stops worrying about the future, the more he enjoys the time he spends with me. I realized that I really hadn’t been thinking about the future much either and congratulated myself on that. He had been telling me that he missed me more and more often. I told him I was worried that he was getting addicted and neglecting the other things in his life. He told me that wasn’t happening, so I had to trust his judgement. I also expressed my concern about the fact that he had not only had me around his kids, but had held my hand and put his arm around me when they were there. He would even kiss me when their back was turned. As someone who had told me he wanted to wait six months before telling the kids we were dating, I thought that was odd. He told me he was jealous of his ex-wife because she’s living with her boyfriend who is sleeping in the same bedroom as her already. He thought if she could date other people in front of the kids, so could he. He also mentioned a moment that happened last weekend when the four of us were sitting around the dinner table eating and he told me that he felt complete! I know I shouldn’t have let it get to me, but I totally melted. I make him feel complete! It was probably a feeling similar to the one I had a few months ago when spending time with his kids for the first time. We fell asleep early in each others arms.
Thursday, April 9th
We woke up early and cuddled and kissed. It was really nice. He must have thought so too because he ended up leaving late for work. I was enjoying it too much to push him to leave. I also took my time about getting ready. I left my apartment slightly late and stopped at the nearest fast food restaurant to get some breakfast. When I came out, there was a policeman near my car. When I got in my car, he knocked on my window. After waiting some time and making me later than I wanted to, he gave me another ticket! This was another one for an expired inspection, since that was really the last thing I had wrong with my car’s paperwork. Although he told me he could have given me an additional ticket for my taillight, which was out, it didn’t exactly make me feel better.
I got to work a little late. Thankfully, I had other people who were there to let the students into the building. It was a LONG rehearsal. I got a lot done, but didn’t get as much done as I had anticipated. Afterwards I was really tired, so I spent the evening drifting in and out of sleep.
Friday, April 10th
I awoke early and got several things done, despite the fact that I spent most of the morning drifting in and out of sleep. I cleaned up the cat pee and puke in the bathroom. I caught up on all of my grading. That took several hours. I went out to get some food and I actually made pretty good food choices! I was proud of myself. I ran some errands. When I got back, I got packed for the weekend. My plans are to visit with a friend two states over, then drive back and spend late Saturday and most of Sunday with Bryan. I drove to my friend’s house and the trip was pretty uneventful. When I got there, we hung out for awhile, and then went to bed.
Exercise: I did my stretching/PT one day and I did at least one block curciut of walking every day except Friday.
Diet: I didn’t follow my diet AT ALL on most of the days. On Friday, I mostly followed it.
De-cluttering and cleaning: I think I may have de-cluttered and cleaned one day.
Hygiene: I don’t know if my bath on Wednesday counts because I didn’t finish washing myself. I actually brushed my teeth 3 days out of 5!
Mood and temperament: I would say I spent three days mildly depressed. Two of them I would say I was content. My temperament was really good except for one day. I remember because I was driving in a road where my side had two lanes. There was someone who was double-parked so I had to stop and it took me forever to get over to get around her car. Once I did, I ended up in a long line at a traffic light, so she was right next to me getting back in her car. How entitled would she have to be to take up traffic instead of pulling into the nearby parking lot!? Then she motioned to me to let her in to the line of traffic. I gave her the finger and drove on. One thing I really don’t like about where I live now is that people are so entitled and the traffic is horrible. Everyone expects you to let them in, they break traffic laws so they can get ahead, they don’t use turn signals, they honk their horn for the most astinine reasons, and yet the police officers all pull me over. Wtf!?