March 16-20, 2015

On Monday morning, I was awake at 4am and waiting for the local pharmacy to open so I could buy a pregnancy test.  I’m not pregnant.  I was actually kind of relieved this time.  It would have messed up things with me and Bryan and I would likely have been fired as well.  I guess my periods are just messed up.  I went to work and felt so poorly that I went back to the pharmacy on my lunch break to buy cold medicine.

I have been sick the whole week with a bad cold.  My time not at work was mostly spent sleeping.  I did very little this week.  I spent my few waking hours talking to Bryan in the beginning of the week.  Then on Thursday, I didn’t hear from him at all.  I told myself all of the things that were probably true.  He probably had a long day at work and had to take care of his own things and the kids.  I told myself that he probably needed some space.  I told myself that it was a good test for me, too.  I failed my test.  I became worried about us.  I resolved not to contact him, though.  It was probably depression rearing its ugly head.  I contacted him on Friday on Facebook and we had a few back and forth words, but it was mostly him reacting to the random memes I sent him.

I find myself being afraid to talk to him about certain subjects that I know bother him, like my back and shoulder pain.  Or the fact that I was sick again.  I suppose I should talk to him about that, but I’m not sure when we can.  I know he has his daughters all weekend, but I am hoping that he can find the time to talk to me sometime.  I had been mostly waiting for him to call me, to skype with me, etc.  The question is, do I call him?  I feel like everything is still not settled between us, but I can’t quite put my finger on why.  Maybe it’s all in my head, but even if it’s in my head, that makes it real to me.

I had a stuffy/runny nose, a sore throat, a bad cough, body aches, and a mild fever.  I barely ate anything all week.  I just wasn’t hungry and food didn’t taste right anyway.  On Friday, I started to get my sense of smell back.  I discovered this, when I got home from work and smelled a bad, unrecognizable odor when I entered my apartment.  Earlier in the week, I had taken a gallon of milk out of my refrigerator that had been bad.  I had forgotten that I set it on the floor intending to empty it in the sink, rinse it out, and recycle it.  Well, at some point, the milk had expanded in the plastic so much, that a hole was formed in the container and sour milk had seeped out all over my kitchen floor and had dried there.  I spent a long time cleaning it up.  I got all of the dried, crusted milk that was stuck to the floor, but no matter how many times I sprayed and cleaned the floor, it still remained sticky.  I also straightened up my apartment a bit.

I also went to the chiropractor on Friday.  My back was hurting every time I coughed, which was a lot.  I had been living off of cough drops to prevent myself from coughing as much as possible.

———————————————————————————–

Diet: I didn’t follow it, but I also didn’t eat very much either.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I did nothing until Friday when I de-cluttered and cleaned.

Hygiene:  There was one day where I showered and one day where I brushed my teeth, but they were not the same day.

Mood and temperament: I felt so poorly, that there was no discernible mood until Thursday, where I experienced some mild depression about Bryan.  Friday, I was pretty calm, I think.

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