March 15, 2015

This morning I had the day to myself.  It was wonderful!  I tried to get some stuff done, but didn’t do as much as I wanted.  I took two refreshing naps.  My back hurt, but it had been hurting since Friday, so I didn’t see it as an issue. I had been coughing up crap from my lungs, so I figured I was just getting a cold.  It seems like I’ve been sick a lot the past few months.

I made the Pad Thai recipe from Well Fed.  It took a long time because the recipe does not account for the time I had to spend roasting the spaghetti squash or grilling the chicken.  It took a long time.  When it was finished, it was delicious!  It was weird, though.  When I was cutting the snow peas, I took a bite of one, and they tasted really good.  Fresh, like when I used to pick beans in my mother’s garden as a child.  I started craving snow peas.  That’s an odd thing for me to do.  I rarely crave vegetables.  I made sure I would bring some with me for lunch in the morning.

I was having my second cigarette of the day (I’m down to two a day) when it occurred to me that my period was behaving very strangely this month.  I started to bleed on Thursday night, which was when I was expecting my period.  I did what I do for such things, but since then, there’s been no blood.  I wondered if I could be pregnant.  I don’t see how.  We’ve always used condoms or a well-placed, spermicidal-covered diaphragm.  Hell, when he got sperm on his fingers, I even made him wash his hands before touching me.  We were really careful.  I’m hoping that this is just my period being weird from all of the stress and changes in diet.  I have always wanted a child, but not like this.  My life is too much of a  mess right now.  I still owe plenty of people money.  I work in a place that would discreetly fire me if I became pregnant.  Even though I talked with Bryan about my trust issues, we’ve only been dating two months.  Not exactly a great start to a relationship where two people  have issues.  I could also never kill my baby nor give it away.  I just wouldn’t have it in me to do that.  So the only thing I can do right now is wait for tomorrow and the pharmacy to open so I can get a pregnancy test.  And pray.  But which would I be praying for?

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Diet: I mostly followed my diet with the exception of some parmesan cheese sprinkled over some broccoli.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I de-cluttered and cleaned today.

Hygiene: I did not brush my teeth or shower.

Mood and temperament: My mood was pretty placid.  I was calm, but being as tired as I was the whole day, kind of influenced my mood, I think.

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