Today I called in sick at work. I really am not feeling well. I’ve been having digestive issues since I started eating again after two full days of fasting. I actually ate three meals today. Even if two of those “meals” were just a hard-boiled egg. I actually started to find joy in the little things again. I realized that in the last few weeks, I really didn’t enjoy anything in my life other than Bryan. Even when I tell myself I’m not going to focus too much on a guy, it still happens anyway. I was able to enjoy a good stretch and a semi-clean apartment. It only took me 15 minutes to get my apartment presentable looking again. I suppose that’s a testament to the work I’ve been doing all month. That may sound silly, but I have to take what I can get at this point.
I finally heard back from Bryan. He doesn’t want to try and make things work. He still wants to be my friend, blah, blah, blah. But he wouldn’t want to see me because it would be difficult for him. I wonder why. I wonder if it’s because he’s wanting to date someone new and feeling guilty or because he’s worried that he’ll want me back. I don’t think I could handle a friendship with him if he just wants to date someone else.
I spent a lot of time crying and depressed and upset over him, but I was wondering why my heart wasn’t hurting like it was over the ex that dumped me on New Years Day. Well, I guess it had to be final to hurt, because it does now. I don’t know what else to write. I’m too busy feeling to think clearly, I guess.
Diet: I didn’t eat much today, but I mostly stuck to it. I ordered a chicken salad from a fast food chain and didn’t realize it would have cheese on it. I’m not supposed to have dairy. I did well otherwise, though.
De-cluttering and cleaning: I managed to do 15 minutes of de-cluttering before Bryan contacted me today.
Hygiene: Pitiful. I haven’t showered since Thursday or Friday.
Mood and temperament: My temperament was good. The day started off slightly depressed to okay to depressed and crying again.