April Focus: Exercise

I had thought to save exercise for a month that would be less busy, but seeing as my chiropractor has already been after me to start doing some stretches for my back and PT-type exercises for my bad shoulder, I figured I’d do it this month.  I live in a very small apartment and barely have the room to do a push-up, much less being able to have the room to follow a workout video.  I have decided to start simply.  I will alternate upper body exercises with core training.  I plan to do the PT-type exercises with my bad shoulder and strengthening exercises for my good shoulder.  I also plan to walk 6 days a week.

Maybe that doesn’t sound simple, but back when I was at my physical peak, I was running 3 miles  four days a week, walking the other days, and doing 30 minutes of strength training six days a week.  I want something that my body at this heavier weight can handle and something that I think will be beneficial to me physically.  We’ll see!

March 27-29, 2015

I get to see Bryan twice this week since I didn’t see him at all last week!  I woke up and managed to pack to go to his place. I was surprisingly awake at work all day!  Then I drove up to Bryan’s and he made us dinner. It was really tasty!  He’s a really good cook!  We settled down on the couch to watch movies.  We had a little to drink, which caused me to nod off.  We went upstairs to watch another movie in bed.  I slept through almost the entire thing!

He woke me up around 2am.  He had drank significantly more alcohol and was crying!  Even though I had been woken up, I instantly placed his head on my chest and tried to be there for him.  I told him to stop apologizing for crying.  I told him that one of the things that I like about him is that he doesn’t hide his emotions.  But mostly, I just lay there, held him, and listened to his incoherent ramblings.  Then we had sex.  Surprisingly, I orgasmed!  Who knew all it would take was to be woken up in the middle of the night by a crying, drunk boyfriend and then have sex with him!?  Maybe it was just because he made himself vulnerable to me that I didn’t feel so vulnerable anymore.  Whatever it was, it worked!

It worked the next morning too! Unfortunately, I’m not sure why, but we had a condom mishap. So we split the cost of the “morning after pill”, I took it, and left.  On my way home, I had a pressing need to visit the bathroom.  I looked online and saw the side effects: diarrhea, stomach cramps, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, etc.  I experienced them all but the nausea. While I saw the side effects, I saw another warning.  According to several websites, the “morning after pill” is less effective for those who weigh over 165lbs.  I weigh over 200! Then I got nervous about things which did not help the other side effects.

I sucked it up and went to hang out with some friends.  It was a really important day for a friend of mine, so I wanted to be there for him.  I felt so poorly, I couldn’t stay long enough for him to be there.  I felt like a jerk, but I really was feeling dizzy and out of it.  One of my friends told me that my usually pale skin had turned grey.  I left early.  When I got home, I went to sleep and slept for almost 12 hours!

On Sunday I tried to get some stuff for work done, but I was still feeling poorly from the “morning after pill”  that I literally spent the whole day in bed.  I got a few pressing work items done, but mostly drifted in and out of sleep.

—————————————————————————-

Diet: I still didn’t follow my diet on any day.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I did neither all weekend.

Hygiene: I was showered for two days, but did not brush my teeth at all!

Mood and temperament: On Saturday, I started to cry and feel sorry for myself because I couldn’t be there for my friend.  Mostly, I was just tired and a little depressed.

March Summary

I decided to tally up how well I did in everything thus far to see if I can see my progress (or not).  Here are my measurements at the beginning of the month:
Weight: 213.6lbs
Pants size: 18/20
Body fat: 36.9%
BMI: 33.4
Chest: 44″
Waist: 38.5″
Hips: 50″
Butt: 48″
Thighs: 27″
Arm: 13″

Here are my measurements at the end of the month:
Weight: 206.0lbs (-7.7lbs)
Pants size: 18
Body fat: 36.7% (0.2%)
BMI: 32.2 (-1.2)
Chest: 43″ (-1″)
Waist: 37.5″ (-1″)
Hips: 49.5″ (-0.5″)
Butt: 47.5″ (-0.5″)
Thighs: 25.5″ (-1.5″)
Arm: 12″ (-1″)

Even though I only completely followed my diet for 4 days this month, I still managed to lose weight and inches!

I de-cluttered 6 days this month, cleaned 5 days, brushed my teeth 6 days, and was showered for 18 days out of the 31 in this month. Here is a breakdown of my moods in the past month

9 days I was mildly depressed
7  days I was happy
6 days I was neutral
3 days I was depressed
3 days I was content
2 days my mood fluctuated
1 day I was very depressed
0 days I was very happy

In addition, I described myself as tired for 6 days and stressed for 5 days.
My temperament was good for 29 days and bad 2 days.

March 23-26, 2015

I was still sick this week, but better enough to try and catch up on SOME things.  On Monday after work I managed to straighten up my apartment and clean a bit too.  On Tuesday after work, I managed to go food shopping. When I got home, I did my laundry.

On Wednesday Bryan came over.  As soon as I got home from work, I noticed that my cat had vomited on my couch and the floor. I had just finished cleaning it up when he knocked at the door.  I felt embarrassed because my apartment still had not been set to rights yet after being sick for so long.  I’m sure the large pile of dishes in my sink made the whole place smell “off”.  I also noticed that I had yet to orgasm when we had sex since we had been back together.  I assumed that it was an emotional issue and would resolve in time, but it still bothered me.  I felt bad.

On Thursday, I had a project that I HAD to finish tonight!  I stayed up until 1:30am working on it!  I’m going to be so tired tomorrow, but it really had to be done!

—————————————————————————————

Diet:  I don’t think there was any one day where I actually followed my diet.  I bought provisions for it, but since my dishes weren’t done, I never actually made much.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I only de-cluttered and cleaned one day out of the four.

Hygiene:  I was showered every day, but hadn’t brushed my teeth once.

Mood and temperament: I was slightly down all week, but I’m just going to assume that I’ve just been sick and tired all the time.  My temperament was good.

March 21-22, 2015

On Saturday I spent the day at a friends house.  We mostly spent the day sitting on her couch talking and watching movies.  It was nice to spend a relaxing day with her.  I rarely get to see her, but I was still sick.  My back and shoulder were bothering me a lot that day too, but I hoped that was just the weather.

On Sunday, I woke up feeling much better, so I decided to go for a hike.  That was probably not the best idea because there were many times I had to stop because I was light-headed.  I also was coughing and blowing my nose like crazy.  Then I went to my friend’s birthday party.  My ex-husband was there.  He told me something important about a mutual friend that our mutual friend SHOULD have told me.  I got very upset about it.  My ex-husband was always an expert on making me upset though.  I confronted the friend and she apologized for forgetting to tell me and tried to make amends.

I tried to talk to Bryan, but he was busy all night.  He answered my messages sporadically.  I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too.  I think I’m entering a depressive spell.  It seems like I’m getting more upset about little things.  I went home and went straight to sleep.  I woke up again at 10pm with my alarm because Bryan said he’d talk to me, but he just wanted to go to sleep.  I was hurt, but tired as well.  I guess I’m going to need to explain my depressive spell the next time I do talk to him.

———————————————————————-

Diet: I did not follow my diet on Saturday.  Even though I tried to follow my diet on Sunday, it didn’t end up happening.  Apparently they throw all sorts of interesting ingredients into dried fruit.  I knew they often added sugar, but was surprised at the other things.  Oat flour!?  I need to read ingredients more carefully!

De-cluttering and cleaning: I did neither of these things on either day.

Hygiene: I showered on Saturday and brushed my teeth on Sunday.

Mood and temperament: My temperament was fine, but I was mildly depressed. Little things that should not have upset me did.

March 16-20, 2015

On Monday morning, I was awake at 4am and waiting for the local pharmacy to open so I could buy a pregnancy test.  I’m not pregnant.  I was actually kind of relieved this time.  It would have messed up things with me and Bryan and I would likely have been fired as well.  I guess my periods are just messed up.  I went to work and felt so poorly that I went back to the pharmacy on my lunch break to buy cold medicine.

I have been sick the whole week with a bad cold.  My time not at work was mostly spent sleeping.  I did very little this week.  I spent my few waking hours talking to Bryan in the beginning of the week.  Then on Thursday, I didn’t hear from him at all.  I told myself all of the things that were probably true.  He probably had a long day at work and had to take care of his own things and the kids.  I told myself that he probably needed some space.  I told myself that it was a good test for me, too.  I failed my test.  I became worried about us.  I resolved not to contact him, though.  It was probably depression rearing its ugly head.  I contacted him on Friday on Facebook and we had a few back and forth words, but it was mostly him reacting to the random memes I sent him.

I find myself being afraid to talk to him about certain subjects that I know bother him, like my back and shoulder pain.  Or the fact that I was sick again.  I suppose I should talk to him about that, but I’m not sure when we can.  I know he has his daughters all weekend, but I am hoping that he can find the time to talk to me sometime.  I had been mostly waiting for him to call me, to skype with me, etc.  The question is, do I call him?  I feel like everything is still not settled between us, but I can’t quite put my finger on why.  Maybe it’s all in my head, but even if it’s in my head, that makes it real to me.

I had a stuffy/runny nose, a sore throat, a bad cough, body aches, and a mild fever.  I barely ate anything all week.  I just wasn’t hungry and food didn’t taste right anyway.  On Friday, I started to get my sense of smell back.  I discovered this, when I got home from work and smelled a bad, unrecognizable odor when I entered my apartment.  Earlier in the week, I had taken a gallon of milk out of my refrigerator that had been bad.  I had forgotten that I set it on the floor intending to empty it in the sink, rinse it out, and recycle it.  Well, at some point, the milk had expanded in the plastic so much, that a hole was formed in the container and sour milk had seeped out all over my kitchen floor and had dried there.  I spent a long time cleaning it up.  I got all of the dried, crusted milk that was stuck to the floor, but no matter how many times I sprayed and cleaned the floor, it still remained sticky.  I also straightened up my apartment a bit.

I also went to the chiropractor on Friday.  My back was hurting every time I coughed, which was a lot.  I had been living off of cough drops to prevent myself from coughing as much as possible.

———————————————————————————–

Diet: I didn’t follow it, but I also didn’t eat very much either.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I did nothing until Friday when I de-cluttered and cleaned.

Hygiene:  There was one day where I showered and one day where I brushed my teeth, but they were not the same day.

Mood and temperament: I felt so poorly, that there was no discernible mood until Thursday, where I experienced some mild depression about Bryan.  Friday, I was pretty calm, I think.

March 15, 2015

This morning I had the day to myself.  It was wonderful!  I tried to get some stuff done, but didn’t do as much as I wanted.  I took two refreshing naps.  My back hurt, but it had been hurting since Friday, so I didn’t see it as an issue. I had been coughing up crap from my lungs, so I figured I was just getting a cold.  It seems like I’ve been sick a lot the past few months.

I made the Pad Thai recipe from Well Fed.  It took a long time because the recipe does not account for the time I had to spend roasting the spaghetti squash or grilling the chicken.  It took a long time.  When it was finished, it was delicious!  It was weird, though.  When I was cutting the snow peas, I took a bite of one, and they tasted really good.  Fresh, like when I used to pick beans in my mother’s garden as a child.  I started craving snow peas.  That’s an odd thing for me to do.  I rarely crave vegetables.  I made sure I would bring some with me for lunch in the morning.

I was having my second cigarette of the day (I’m down to two a day) when it occurred to me that my period was behaving very strangely this month.  I started to bleed on Thursday night, which was when I was expecting my period.  I did what I do for such things, but since then, there’s been no blood.  I wondered if I could be pregnant.  I don’t see how.  We’ve always used condoms or a well-placed, spermicidal-covered diaphragm.  Hell, when he got sperm on his fingers, I even made him wash his hands before touching me.  We were really careful.  I’m hoping that this is just my period being weird from all of the stress and changes in diet.  I have always wanted a child, but not like this.  My life is too much of a  mess right now.  I still owe plenty of people money.  I work in a place that would discreetly fire me if I became pregnant.  Even though I talked with Bryan about my trust issues, we’ve only been dating two months.  Not exactly a great start to a relationship where two people  have issues.  I could also never kill my baby nor give it away.  I just wouldn’t have it in me to do that.  So the only thing I can do right now is wait for tomorrow and the pharmacy to open so I can get a pregnancy test.  And pray.  But which would I be praying for?

—————————————————————————-

Diet: I mostly followed my diet with the exception of some parmesan cheese sprinkled over some broccoli.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I de-cluttered and cleaned today.

Hygiene: I did not brush my teeth or shower.

Mood and temperament: My mood was pretty placid.  I was calm, but being as tired as I was the whole day, kind of influenced my mood, I think.

March 14, 2015

I awoke in Byran’s arms. It was nice! We spent the morning together. It was very nice, but a little weird.  I guess I just don’t fully trust him not to leave, so I find myself holding back and not wanting to do certain things with him.  I guess I’ll have to talk to him about it the next time we talk.  I’m not the only one holding back though.  I asked if he wanted my keys (which he previously had before we broke up) and he said not yet.  We had sex and then went out to eat.  After we got back, I said goodbye to him because I had things I had to do.

Then I had more work obligations.  They all went rather well and I got lots of compliments from the parents and some of the teachers who came out for it.  One of my 8th grade students hugged me, which threw me off guard, especially because it was a boy.  Maybe that’s sexist, but society tends  to raise boys to not get emotional and hug people.  I also had a parent hug me as well.  I was glad everyone was pleased, but I think I was happier still that it was over!

—————————————————————————-

Diet: I followed my diet today with the exception of having cheese.

De-cluttering and cleaning:  I didn’t have the time to do either today.

Hygiene: I did not brush my teeth, but I showered yesterday.

Mood and temperament: Good and stressed.

March 13, 2015

Today was another long day.  I ended up teaching 8 classes today plus recess duty.  Under normal circumstances, teaching 8 classes would not be possible for me.  However, we had a special schedule due to state testing.  I think it was my principal’s way of disapproving of my choice of next Thursday for a personal day.  She had me teach extra classes to two of the classes I would be missing next week.  The 8th graders.  Out of all of my classes, I dislike 8th grade the most. They care more about talking to each other than whatever I have to teach and are developmentally at the place where they push limits and disrespect authority figures,  Some teachers just understand this age and love teaching this grade, but I am not one of them.  Oddly, though, my lesson went really well.  They were really engaged and it was difficult to get them to stop at the end!

I had another long day.  I got home at 7:30pm.  As soon as I walked in my apartment, Bryan called.  But my phone died in the middle of the conversation.  I plugged it in and went downstairs, expecting that he needed to be let into my building.  I waited for about 5 minutes, but he didn’t come, so I went back upstairs and turned on my phone again.  He called and asked me to let him in. Then I went back down to let him in.  Even with all of the hassle, it was good to see him. We went out for dinner and watched a movie drinking hard cider.  I fell asleep halfway through the movie. It was nice getting to cuddle with him though!

—————————————————————————–

Diet: I ate fast food for breakfast, but followed my diet the rest of the day.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I de-cluttered a little while Bryan was here because my apartment was a mess.

Hygiene: Byran and I showered together, but I didn’t brush my teeth.

Temperament and mood: I was good but stressed.

March 12, 2015

Today was a long day.  I usually teach 7 classes on Thursdays rather than my usual 6.  Then I had two school-related obligations to attend to.  I was tired and stressed, but I guess it didn’t show.  One parent came up to me and told me how calm I always seem, because I’m always smiling.  Now I know I’m not always smiling, but I guess it’s good that parents see the good side of me!

I was definitely stress-eating.  I visited the local fast-food restaurant and bought items that were DEFINITELY not paleo-friendly.  I didn’t get home until almost 8:00pm.  I had left at 6:30, so this was definitely a long day. I got home, ate, and relaxed for a few minutes.  Around 9:30 I checked my e-mail.  Bryan had e-mailed asking me to call him.  Unfortunately, by the time I got his e-mail it was too late.  I think I’m going an excellent job of maintaining my balance so far!  I think being so busy this week has really helped in that.

—————————————————————

Diet: I definitely didn’t follow it today.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I didn’t do either.

Hygiene: Nope.

Mood and temperament:  Good, but stressed.